The Crooked Path
by Maeve's Child
Summary: Kaei was born among the Dalish elves, and expected to live her life with her clan. But the creators have another path for her to walk. One she never expected and never wanted, but sometimes the broken road leads you right where you need to be.
1. The Forest Path

_For those of you also reading "Waiting for First Light" I do intend to finish that. I hope. But Aine suddenly went silent, muses are like that, you know? And so I was expecting to work on a Surana bit, but she too has been completely quiet. And instead, the strange little Dalish elf with the odd shaped nose and orange hair (that looks strangely like myself) who I've just started a play through with, has been shouting in my ear. Damned characters are going to be the death of me._

_So anyhow, I usually don't start at the "beginning" but, Kaei says I have to tell the whole story. And she's a damned stubborn elf. What can I do? :)_

_

* * *

  
_

"Wait," Tamlen said, casually plucking his arrow out of the shemlen's chest and wiping the blood off the arrowhead before sliding it back into his quiver. "Weren't you supposed to be helping Master Varathorn today?"

Kaei blushed right to the tips of her pointed ears. She was mortified at herself. Wasn't she supposed to be a brave Dalish hunter, not some fragile elf maiden from one of the old tales? She ran a nervous hand through her short orange hair. Tamlen threw her a wicked grin.

"I . . . well, I wanted to be with you," Kaei stammered.

Tamlen smiled earnestly and tilted his chin down, his blue eyes glimmering up at her from under a thick fringe of blonde lashes. "I thought so," he said merrily. "Or I hoped so anyway. But we can talk more about _that_ later."

"Why always later?" Kaei asked, watching him move on to the next downed shem to recover his second arrow. He looked at her over his shoulder and took a deep breath. Forgetting the arrow, he stood up, facing away from her for a moment. Suddenly his ears were as red as Kaei was sure hers were. Slowly, he turned around and took the few steps to her. He put his hands on her shoulders and stared pointedly at the hollow between her collarbones. He swallowed hard and looked up to meet her eyes.

"Because if we talk about it now," he said finally, "I'm not going to be able to . . stop myself. And it's only another month before I'm old enough to . . . old enough to ask."

"You mean?" Kaei said hopefully.

"Of course, " Tamlen said earnestly. "You didn't actually think I was going to bond with someone else, did you?"

"I didn't know," Kaei said softly, her eyes caressing the angled contours of his face and the delicate tracery of his tattoos. "You never said anything, and I wasn't sure if I was . . . well if I was beautiful enough."

Tamlen looked confused. "Not beautiful enough?"

"Well," Kaei said, breaking eye contact and looking out at the trees, "All the other eligible females, they talk you know. You are one of their favorite subjects. 'Handsome Tamlen' and other things I won't repeat. It's always been . . . well, they tease me about you."

"Why would they do that?" Tamlen asked, cocking his head.

"I'm not very good at hiding my feelings Tamlen, " Kaei continued. "And I've been your friend since we before either of us took up a bow. And once, I told the others that . . . . well, that I . . . ." Her voice trailed off.

"That you what?" Tamlen said, putting one hand against the side of her face. "Kaei?"

Mustering her courage, she met his eyes. His deep, blue-violet eyes. And they were blazing with . . something she couldn't identify. Something she'd only seen tiny glimpses of before, but it was a look that made her feel so _strange._

"That I . . . love you," she said softly. When Tamlen didn't reply, she continued. "And they laughed at me. They said I was too ugly for you; that you'd never choose someone so pale, so . . . plain . . . and I was a fool."

Tamlen made a choking sound. "Well, they are the fools." He paused, that same feral look still in his eyes. Before Kaei could react, he moved in and pressed his lips against hers. And this was no sweet stolen kiss like she'd gotten from him before. This kiss; it _burned. _ After too long a time, and also too short, he pulled away.

"You are beautiful Kaei," he said breathlessly. "And I love you."

Kaei's eyes glittered with sudden tears. "You do?"

"I always have," Tamlen said. "And I always will. How could you doubt it?"

"I won't doubt it again," Kaei replied. She smiled.

"I love your smile," Tamlen said, idly tracing the ochre knotwork tattoo on her forehead with his finger. "I would never want to live without it. And you know something else?"

"What's that?"

"I was right about one thing," he said. "Once I said it, I can't stop myself." His eyes blazed and he kissed her again. "One more month be damned," he muttered against her lips as they tumbled together to the ground.

* * *

Kaei was nestled up against Tamlen's chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. She listened to the steady rhythm of his heart. For the first time in her life she felt content; complete. She knew what they had just done was . . wrong, at least in the eyes of the clan. They weren't bonded, not yet anyway. But the clan be _damned_, she thought. Besides, they'd be bonded soon enough and no one had to know.

Besides, her heart told her that this was _right. _ More right than anything. And certainly more right than killing those meddlesome shems. They were far more likely to be in serious trouble over that act, than this second one.

"Kaei?"

"Hm?" she mumbled.

"Should we go see if those shems were telling the truth about those caves?" Tamlen asked. Kaei turned her head, propping her chin on his chest. He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose.

"I suppose, although don't you think we should talk to the Keeper first?" she asked.

"You mean like we should have talked to the Keeper about being bonded first?" he laughed.

"Good point," she replied. She snuggled closer for a moment. "And I suppose we can't just stay here forever."

"It'd be nice," he chuckled. "But not very practical."

"All right then," she said, sliding back up on to her knees. She looked down at him for a moment. By the creators, he was handsome. Lithe and muscular, tea colored skin and a shock of golden blonde hair. Noticing her stare, he put his hands behind his head and gave her a heated look.

"Like what you see?" he asked. A sly grin slid on to her face.

"Good enough to eat," she smirked.

"Hmmm," he said appreciatively, sitting up and wrapping his arms around her waist. "That can be arranged." She kissed the top of his head and slithered out of his arms.

"Caves?" she said.

"All right," he said with mock disappointment. "Caves it is."

* * *

"This place makes me nervous," Tamlen whispered. "I didn't think it'd feel like _this._"

"Me neither," Kaei replied, her nerves on edge. "Let's get out of here."

"Not yet," Tamlen replied, peering at the big metal door. "Let's at least see what's in here."

"Hang on then," Kaei said, kneeling down on the floor. "See the seam in the floor here? There's a trap. Let me get this first." She grabbed a thin shard of stone and jammed it into the nearly invisible seam in the stone floor. She stood and tapped her foot against the top of the pressure plate. It didn't move. "There we are," she said, stepping her full weight on to it. Tamlen flinched, but nothing happened.

"I still don't know how you do that," he said. "But its handy." Kaei smiled.

"My Kaei," he continued, "Just full of useful skills." He chuckled. "Several of which I can't wait to test."

Kaei swatted at his shoulder playfully. "I've created a monster." Tamlen laughed.

"Okay, so let's see what's in here," he said, notably not stepping on the pressure plate as he worked the latch of the door. The heavy wood swung inwards and a _thing_ came bounding through the door with a hideous growl.

It looked like a bear and a dog and a porcupine had been involved in some monstrous mating. It's foul smell registered in Kaei's nostrils, but she ignored it, her bow flipping into her hands like magic and an arrow suddenly appeared in the middle of the creature's head. Forgoing the bow, Tamlen pulled his sword from its scabbard on his back and he slashed at the thing, a fine mist of arterial blood flying into the air. The red mist splattered him, but he didn't stop, his blade dancing through the air.

Kaei's second arrow found a better spot, penetrating deep into the creature's eye. With a ear splitting roar, it reared up on to it's hind legs, and Tamlen thrust his blade into its belly. The creature stumbled back and collapsed on to the stones with a wet thud. Tamlen stumbled back, his sword clattering to the ground.

"What was that?" he shouted, spinning around to face Kaei. "Are you alright?" he asked.

Kaei nodded. "I'm . . well as okay as I can be after that. We need to get out of here Tamlen. Before we run into something we can't best."

"Ha," he said. "Something we can't beat together? Not likely." He retrieved his blade from the floor. He didn't wait for her, just straightened his shoulders and walked through the door. Kaei shook her head and watched him go. He was mad. Crazy. Reckless. But she loved him for every bit of it.

"Wait for me, Tamlen," she said, scurrying to catch up with him. The room was different than the others. It was so blasted _cold. _ Kaei shivered. The carvings in here were different too, less muted by dust and time it seemed. In the center of the room there was a stone dais with three circular steps. In the center stood a mirror with a delicate silver frame. It was as tall as two elves, and it shimmered somehow. Tamlen stood in front of it, but his reflection in the glass looked strange and almost unreal.

"Look at this," he said. "I can see things in there, a black city . . . ." He gasped. "Look there it is again!" He reached his hand out toward the glass.

Kaei sprinted towards him, "Don't touch it!" But it was too late, his fingers grazed the glass and sunk into it as if the mirror was liquid, not glass.

"Oh creators!" Tamlen shouted. "Help me Kaei! I can't look away!" Kaei fingers just touched his shoulder as a blast of brilliant light burst from the mirror and she felt herself lifted off her feet and flung to the ground. She heard Tamlen scream her name in horror, and then everything went black.

* * *

Kaei's eyes half fluttered open for a moment. Above her trees swayed in the breeze, and a shem with a heavy beard and sad eyes was looking down at her.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered as she drifted back down into the blackness.


	2. Another Way

Everything was changed.

Everything she had ever known before was now behind her, and ahead, the great unknown . . . coldness, death and the creators knew what else. Kaei tried very hard to swallow it all, and focus on one simple thing; hate. Hate for those disgusting darkspawn filth that took everything away from her.

Tamlen's sweat was barely dry on her skin when their taint swallowed him up, and nearly her as well. Now she was headed towards Ostagar, on her way to become a Gray Warden, to save her life. She would have been happy to let the taint take her, but then she'd remember Tamlen's last horrifying words. And she'd remember his last word had been her name. There was only one thing to be done. Vengeance. And if that meant becoming a Gray Warden and killing every darkspawn in Ferelden? So be it.

Although she had a feeling that what was to come would take more strength than she might have. Her one consolation, was Duncan. And that surprised her more than anything had before. Duncan was a quiet, soft-spoken man, or at least she assumed he was, since he was really the only _man_, human man anyway, that she'd every known. Except for the shems she and Tamlen had feathered in the forest. Which she felt more and more guilty about with each step she took at Duncan's side.

What if they were more like him, than the fairy tale monsters she'd been told they were?

They were due to arrive at Ostagar before midday, and Kaei was just happy that she'd managed to compose herself. The night before . . . nightmares didn't cover it. Tamlen died again and again in front of her eyes, but unlike the reality of it, where she saw nothing, in her dreams he bled and they tore him apart. She'd woken screaming and sobbing, to find Duncan crouched over her, a line of worry between his brows. She struck at him, pummeling his chest with her fists.

Instead of moving away, or grabbing her hands, he just _took_ it, and let her beat on him. She screamed, incomprehensibly. Until finally she fell apart in a choked sob, and like a father, Duncan gathered her into his arms and let her sob against him.

"I recognize your pain," he said finally. "And I honor it."

He hadn't said anything else, and he didn't need to. From that moment on, Kaei suddenly felt at ease in his presence. Shem or not . . . ah, she realized she shouldn't call him that, or even use that word again. He was a human, true, and she an elf. But he was kind, and soon . . soon he would be her brother. No different from the kinship she felt with the other hunters. As they walked, Kaei glanced over at him, and he nodded, smiling sadly. It was about time she made some new attitudes. If she wanted her vengeance, Duncan would be the one to guide her to it.

"Duncan?"

"Hm?" he replied.

"I, ah, want to thank you," Kaei said haltingly.

"For what?" he asked, his brows drawing together slightly.

"For giving me this chance," she replied. "For not turning me away, because . . . I'm a Dalish."

"You are a person," he said softly. "And soon to be my sister. Elf, dwarf, human, it is all the same to me."

"I didn't think humans felt that way, I mean, I was always told . . . ," she started.

He interrupted, "Some do not feel as I do. I will give you no illusions of such. But as a Gray Warden, once you are, that will overshadow anything else that you are. However, if it means anything, I am sorry for what my people have done to yours."

"I . . . thank you," Kaei replied. "Of all the things I expected to hear in my life, that was not one of them."

Duncan smiled. "There are many things to come that I am sure you will say that about."

"Like what?" Kaei asked. "I mean, honestly, I don't think I really know anything about the Gray Wardens."

"You'll see," he replied cryptically.

"What?"

Duncan chuckled, "I love saying that. But to be truthful, there is nothing I can say that will prepare you for what is to come. It will change you, and . . . well, we can speak more about it in the weeks to come. There is much to learn, but for now, just be content that I have great faith in you. You have survived the taint in you thus far, and it bodes well."

"For what?" Kaei asked.

"You will see," Duncan said again, turning back to the road. Kaei wanted to say more, but before she could they came to the crest of a hill and the ruin of Ostagar suddenly spread out before her. It took the words out of her mouth. It was a crumbling skeleton, but in the broken stones she could see it's former glory. She'd never seen anything like it.

"Our numbers are few," Duncan said, as the packed earth of the road became the stone of the path to the keep. "But all of us are here. They've won two battles against the darkspawn already, but if we cannot hold them here . . . ." He was cut off by the clanking of armor. A tall man with pale blonde hair brushing the shoulders of his golden armor stalked towards them, flanked by a pair of guards in grey plate. There was a wide, earnest smile on his face.

Kaei was shocked to realize that he was handsome. Which was entirely unexpected. His face didn't have the sharp angles of an elven face, but there was something about the strong line of his jaw and the dusting of golden hair on his cheeks and his chin that was rather appealing. His grin spread wider as he thrust out his hand. Duncan grasped his wrist in greeting.

"Your Majesty, I didn't expect . . . ," Duncan began.

"A royal welcome?" the man replied jovially. "I was beginning to think you would miss all the fun!"

"Not if I can help it your Majesty," Duncan replied.

"Then I shall have the mighty Duncan beside me in battle after all, _glorious_," he replied. Kaei smiled despite herself. The man, this _King_, King Cailan if she was recalling correctly; his enthusiasm was infectious. She found herself staring at him, trying to determine why the lines of his blocky, wide face were so appealing.

"And this must be the new recruit you sent word about. Ho there friend, might I know your name?" the King asked.

"I am Kaei, your Majesty," she said, amazed again at herself. The Dalish had no King, yet somehow if he was her King, that might be all right.

"It is good to finally meet you. You are Dalish are you not? Your people have a reputation for being great warriors, and I am honored to have you with us."

"Thank you," Kaei stammered. Were all the humans she met going to be so damned . . kind? Her entire idea of the world seemed to be coming apart in tatters.

"I bring word from your uncle that Redcliffe forces could be here within a week, your Majesty," Duncan said.

"Ah," Cailan laughed. "Eamon just wants in on the glory. I'm not even sure this is a true Blight, after all. We've one two battles against these monsters already, but alas there's been no sign of an archdemon."

"Disappointed your Majesty?" Duncan said, his voice somber and slightly sarcastic.

Cailan seemed to miss his tone entirely. "I was hoping for a battle like in the tales, a King fighting with the fabled Gray Wardens against a tainted god, but I suppose this will have to do."

"I didn't realize things were going so well," Kaei said hesitantly.

"They are, my friend, " Cailan said. "But we are glad to have new Wardens with us nonetheless. I hate to cut this short, but I must return to my tent where Loghain waits to bore me with his strategies," the King said, annoyance creeping into his voice. "But let me tell you this, you are most welcome here, Gray Warden." He smiled broadly again, and rested his gauntled hand on Kaei's shoulder for a brief moment. "And now I must go, before Loghain sends out a search party." He grinned and nodded before stalking off.

Before Kaei could gather her thoughts, Duncan spoke. "What the King says is true, they have won two battles already."

"He didn't seem to take the darkspawn very seriously," she replied, still watching the King's disappearing form. He walked with a swagger she hadn't realized was possible in plate armor. Duncan started to walk and gestured for her to follow. Kaei tore her eyes away reluctantly.

"No Blight has ever been defeated with so little cost," he continued. "But we have much to do before the battle tomorrow night, so it serves us little to dwell on it."

"What do I have to do?" she asked.

"Explore the camp as you will, I only ask that you do not leave it for now. There are two other recruits in the camp that you may want to meet, and there is another Gray Warden by the name of Alistair. He will be helping you as you prepare for the Joining. When you are ready, seek him out and come find me at the Gray Warden tent," he explained.

"I will do as you ask," she said softly.

"Don't forget to get some rest," Duncan smiled. "You will need it."

* * *

Finally, Kaei was left alone with her thoughts. She watched Duncan stride off across the spanning bridge to the main body of the keep. They were strange, these humans. There was no doubt about it. But yet . . . they weren't anything like she expected. She felt the sudden urge to tell Tamlen all about it; he would have thought it was so interesting. But then the specter of his . . . absence loomed. Her heart sank a little, but she steeled herself. He would want her to be strong. She leaned against the stone wall flanking the bridge and tried to take it all in. She had no idea it would be so _big._ Certainly she'd seen ruins before, and little villages with sprawling estates lording over them. From afar anyway. But in comparison, Ostagar was the entire world.

Kaei felt very strange. And mildly ill. Before this all began . . . the day her life changed, she'd _murdered_ three humans in the forest, with the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with. And now, Tamlen was dead, her clan was lost to her, and she was sitting on a stone bridge to a giant human built keep, pondering exactly why the human King was handsome. She was offended by the thought, but somehow, she thought than Tamlen would have found it hysterical.

He'd never been the jealous type. As long as she was with him, whatever else she chose to do, well that was her business. And one thing she'd never forget about Tamlen was his rashness, and his insatiable curiosity. It was true, that his curiosity had gotten him killed, but he would be so disappointed in her if she didn't experience everything, see everything. And live her life with as much passion as she could muster. Her vengeance and her life . . . he'd want it to be . . . well, like King Cailan said, _glorious_.

Kaei took a deep breath. "It's all for you, Tamlen," she whispered. "Everything." And with that, she started her way across the bridge towards her new life.


	3. Footprints

Ostagar was . . . dazzling. Kaei had never seen so many people in one place, not to mention the fact that they were overwhelmingly human. She'd realized quickly that they were usually taller than she, but it was so odd, feeling like such a tiny little thing among all these people. Back in her clan, Kaei was considered tall. And not delicate in the least. She was nearly as tall as Tamlen and as strong as he was. One of the many reasons the others teased her about him.

But here . . . well, her normal ability to intimidate other people just wasn't going to work. She'd have to find some other way to keep herself safe, but just what that was going to be, she had no idea. It did seem rather safe already, despite the throng of bodies and the impending battle and the joining, whatever that was. All the humans here already saw her as a Gray Warden, and that made them act differently towards her, she supposed. With the exception of the rude quartermaster, who immediately apologized, not one had done anything other than simply mention she was an elf. And that seemed to have more to do with her tattoos, marking her as a Dalish than anything else.

Even the other Gray Warden recruits seemed more concerned about her gender, than her race. Ser Jory, a doughy faced man, who seemed to have pulp for brains, just thought it was odd that she could fight. And Daveth, well, he seemed more interested in her posterior than her ears.

The Keeper had told Kaei once that humans often found elves beautiful, even those we didn't see as such. She said it was just another way that they tried to subjugate us, but Kaei wasn't so sure. The glances she'd gotten since she'd started weaving her way through the camp, well, they didn't seem like those men were trying to hurt her. Only get her attention. And Daveth, he'd even bantered with her like Tamlen did sometimes. It certainly didn't feel menacing.

The attention was . . . strange. Kaei was used to being the plain one, the strange awkward one, not someone worth looking at. Except for Tamlen, no one had ever looked at her like she was anything but average. But it was _nice_ to be noticed. Somehow, when they looked at her, she saw herself for the first time.

She saw how though although she wasn't tall, her legs and arms were long and well muscled. She saw her pale pink skin and coppery hair as a asset, not a affliction. She smiled to herself as she made her way north through the camp. The guard at the bridge said he thought the other Gray Warden Duncan sent her to find, Alistair, would be this way.

Kaei wasn't paying attention to where she was walking, and she managed to bump into a tall man with white streaks of paint across his face. She'd met one before in the camp, Ash warriors or something they called themselves.

"Watch where you're going wench," he spat at her. Then he paused and appraised her, his eyes roving. "Unless of course your one of those lovelies selling their . . services. Then perhaps I can _bump_ into you a bit more."

"Excuse me?" Kaei said, puzzled. "I'm . . not a . . . ."

"Well then, I'm sure I can find . . . oi, you're the Gray Warden aren't you? Hah, they're scraping the bottom of a barrel these days, if they'll take in a knife-eared wench," he growled. He spat at her feet and walked away.

Kaei watched him go, feeling the blood drain from her face. She felt the sudden urge to pull her bow from her shoulder and feather him in the back. But then the faces of those dead men in the forest jumped into her mind again. She stumbled a bit over to the wall and leaned against it, hard.

Duncan had brought her here to give her a chance, and she hadn't even told him. If she had he'd probably have left her to die of the taint, or have her clan have to end it for her as a mercy. She couldn't even have thoughts like this, not if she was going to be a Gray Warden. No matter what she thought before, or what they did to her, she couldn't find justice for Tamlen without their help. And maybe . . . well, maybe this was a reminder that she had much to atone to, before that could happen.

She swallowed and stood up, straighter than was necessary. Taking a deep breath, she marched up toward the top of the ramp, the old temple they called it, trying to look the part of the Gray Warden she was to become. Best to make a good impression, if she was to be working with this man. Hopefully she'd manage better than she had with Duncan. No weeping or self pity, or even a hint of the guilt. As she approached the top, she heard voices, arguing. It didn't seem particularly violent, but certainly not friendly. She quickened her pace.

"What is it now? Haven't the Gray Wardens asked enough of us already? I will not be harassed in this manner!" the first voice said.

"I was just asked to deliver a message, Ser Mage, the Revered Mother desires your presence," the other replied. Kaei saw them as she came to the platform at the top of the ramp; a man in a robe -- the mage presumably -- and another man, very tall with golden blonde hair and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"What her Reverence desires is no concern of mine. I am here helping the Gray Wardens, at the King's request, I might add," the mage spat, his voice venomous.

"Should I have asked her to write a note?" the tall man replied, smirking.

"Your glibness does you no credit."

"And here I thought we were getting along so well. I was even going to name one of my children after you. The _grumpy _one."

"Fine, I will see the woman if I must. Out of my way fool," the mage sighed finally. With that, he stomped off, brushing past Kaei without a glance. Kaei turned and watched him go. Apparently, everyone was feeling the tension. It made Kaei feel less special, and certainly more reassured.

"You know," the blonde man said from behind her, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "One good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together."

"Sorry, what?" Kaei asked, turning to face him. He'd come close and could have seemed imposing, if it wasn't for his lax posture and the jocular look on his face.

"I was just trying to find the silver lining. In the dark cloud and all," he grinned. "We haven't met have we? You aren't another mage are you?"

"No, I'm not a mage," Kaei replied.

"Wait, you're the new recruit Duncan mentioned, the Dalish. I'm sorry, I should have recognized you right away, I apologize."

"How could you recognize me?" Kaei asked.

"Duncan sent word, after all. He spoke very highly of you," he continued. "Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Alistair, the new Gray Warden. Although I suppose you already knew that."

"You are a very strange human," she said, and suddenly regretted it.

"You are not the first person to tell me that," Alistair said, still grinning.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything," she stammered.

He chuckled, "Nothing to apologize for, I am, indeed, strange." He smiled again. He seemed genuine. Kaei wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

"So that argument I overheard, what was that about?" she asked.

"With the mage you mean? Well, the Circle of Magi are here at the King's request, but the Chantry doesn't like that, one bit. They love letting mages know how unwelcome they are. Which puts me in a bit of an awkward position you see. I used to be a Templar," he explained.

"What's a Templar?" Kaei asked.

"You really don't know?" Alistair looked puzzled. "Well, I supposed you wouldn't, since the Templars pretty well leave the Dalish alone. I do hear you have mages though, don't you?"

"Of a sort, I suppose. But I don't know what that has to do with what a Templar is."

"Well, the short version then. The Chantry tries to control the mages, because they think they are dangerous, so they train Templars to . . well, help control them. If a mage leaves the Circle, we call them apostates, and it's the Templar's job to stop them," he replied.

"Hm, that would be awkward," Kaei said.

"Eh," he said, still grinning. "I wouldn't even have agreed to bring the message, but Duncan says we're all to work together and get along. Apparently they didn't get the same speech."

"I think maybe most did," Kaei replied. "I expected . . . more, well . . . intolerance."

"What do you mean?" Alistair asked.

"I haven't really met any humans, before Duncan anyway. The Keeper told us they hated us."

"Well, some humans do, I guess. But I never really understood why. I don't know much about the Dalish though. If it makes you feel any better, I've never met a Dalish, before you. Never really known an elf either. There's one other elf in the Gray Warden camp, but he pretty much keeps to himself. He seems sort of sad," Alistair said. "But now I'm rambling."

Kaei smiled. "I don't mind. It's nice to actually talk to someone. Duncan is . . . quiet."

"Give him time, and some ale and he'll tell you stories until your head explodes," Alistair laughed. "But I guess he's got too much to think about right now. He's a good man and a good judge of character. Right now, he's just doing the best with what little he has, and that includes me I suppose."

"Can you tell me anything about him?" Kaei asked. She normally wasn't so inquisitive, not to someone she just met, but there was something about Alistair's manner that made it comfortable to do so. Something about him was almost familiar.

"Duncan is the leader of the Gray Wardens in Ferelden, which he would say doesn't mean much, since there aren't many of us. But I owe Duncan a lot. I spent years in the chantry, hopelessly resigned to my fate. You see, being a Templar was a decision made _for_ me, a long time ago. Duncan was the first person to care what I wanted," Alistair said, a sad note creeping into the tone of his voice. "What about you? What do you think of Duncan?"

"I owe him too, he saved me," Kaei said. Kaei felt the urge to elaborate; it was her way. But she stopped herself. Those whole story certainly wasn't something this human wanted to hear. She looked at her feet.

"That sounds familiar," Alistair replied. "So, before we go meet, Duncan, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," she said, looking up. "What is this joining ritual about anyway?"

"I wish I could tell you more, " Alistair said, his smile dropping on one corner of his mouth. "It's best not to think about it too much, it'll just distract you."

"Oh," Kaei said, pursing her lips for a moment. "Then, I guess I don't have any questions. Or at least I don't know enough to know what they are."

Alistair grinned again. "Lead on then."

* * *

It was simple enough. Three vials of darkspawn blood and some old treaties. Kaei was mildly amused how the three men immediately deferred to her once they were in the wilds. She expected Alistair to hang back – he was supposed to let them do most of the work, but the others? Well, Daveth seemed gleefully horrified by the whole concept of the wilds. He kept mumbling about barbarians and witches. Kaei made it a point not to grin at him. Her own people were called barbarians and savages often enough that she imagined that these Chasind folk were like the Dalish of humans. And witches? Likely much like her Keeper was. Apostate mages, Alistair called them. The entire notion was silly.

Ser Jory on the other hand was very quiet and pale as a halla. He looked very out of place in the wilds. He seemed to be a man used to fighting for sport and retiring to a hot bath and a feast afterwards. Kaei and Daveth moved with near silence, and even Alistair made little sound beyond the clink of the plates on his scale mail. But Jory sounded like a bear crashing through even the short, open grass.

Perhaps it was natural then that they defer to her. She was at home in the forest, no matter what forest it was. The trees, the open spaces, they were more home to her than any stone monstrosity. And these Kokari Wilds didn't seem so different from the Brescilian Forest she'd spent most of her life wandering.

Fewer trees perhaps, and more marshland, but all in all, it was the same. They'd dispatched several wolves, not unlike those she regularly hunted. But the darkspawn were another matter. They were somehow less terrible and more terrible out amongst the trees. When they'd been near the ruins, and underground, they just seemed another part of a bad dream. But out in a setting so familiar. . . it was sad to think that their black blood would poison the earth here.

Kaei stopped, spotting a white flower with a red center growing at the end of a open pool of water. The kennel man had said something about a flower like this to heal that poor sick hound back in the camp. War dog or not, no creature deserved to suffer like that. Kaei crept to the water's edge to gather the blossom. She tucked it into one of the pouches at her waist, next to the vials of blood they'd already collected and stood up to look around.

Now that they'd moved far enough away from Ostagar, there were no more bodies littering the ground and the scent of human settlement was faint. Up ahead, the remnants of a stone tower peeked through centuries of moss and vines. She assumed that it was the outpost they were looking for. Jory and Daveth had fair well collapsed under a tree to catch their breath and she let them be. It would still be an hour or two until nightfall. Plenty of time to get to the tower and retreat back behind the stone walls. Not that she particularly relished the though of sleeping on stone when there was all this soft, delicate forest to rest in. But it wasn't her forest, no matter how familiar. And maybe there was some truth to Daveth's fears.

"Thinking deep thoughts?" a voice interrupted her pondering. Kaei turned to find Alistair casually leaning against a nearby tree.

"As rarely as I can get away with," she replied.

He grinned. "That's a smart girl."

"What can I say?" Kaei said. "I do my best."

"I will say," Alistair said, laughing. "I didn't expect this level of sarcasm from a Dalish."

"Why's that?" Kaei asked. "Did you think we were all stoic wanderers, all full of angst and madness?" Kaei did her best to sound stern, but she could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't buying it.

"What, you mean you aren't? Don't tell me you don't eat babies too? All my hopes will be dashed," he said with mock sincerity.

"I hate to destroy all your best held misconceptions. But alas, we are just as boring as humans, I'm coming to discover. Although we do have the good sense to not sleep where we keep our garbage," Kaei grinned.

"Oi," Alistair said, pressing his hand to his chest. "You wound me. You've taken away all my favorite horrors, and managed to degrade my favorite scent."

"I'm sure I'm sorry," Kaei replied. Alistair chuckled.

"So, how long do you intend to let Jory and Daveth lay over there?" he asked.

"At least until Jory's face returns to a color normally found in nature," Kaei said.

Alistair snorted. "Purple is not a particular good color on him. I did expect he'd be a bit more hearty, being a knight. But I guess my face would be purple too if I insisted on wielding a sword that weighed as much as I do."

"It isn't exactly suited to hiking on rough terrain, that's for certain," Kaei commented.

"Well, knights aren't chosen for their brains, usually," Alistair said. He fell silent then, glancing out over the water. Kaei turned to follow his gaze. Three vultures swept in a silent spiral in the distance, no doubt assessing the wolf carcasses and darkspawn corpses they'd left in their wake. Kaei felt sad for the poor beasts. If they feasted on the darkspawn, likely they'd all die. It was a gruesome day indeed, when she started to pity carrion birds.

Kaei looked back at Alistair, his eyes still focused on the circling birds. His lips were tensed in a grim line. He met her eyes, and she saw her thoughts reflected in them.

"Come on," she said, all the mirth replaced with cold determination. "Let's get these treaties and get out of here before I lose my nerve."

"Sound plan," Alistair said softly. Without another word, he marched over and nudged Jory with his foot. "On your feet soldier," he said with an unexpected tone of command. Jory and Daveth both stood without complaint. Nodding to Alistair, Kaei moved out down the nearly invisible path, leaving not even footprints behind.


	4. A Quickening Pace

The chest where the treaties were supposed to be was destroyed. Time and the elements split open the heavy wood and the cavern inside was conspicuously empty. It was clear that the chest as well as the entire tower was once a beautiful place, with fine details and loving wear, but that was all gone now. The inside of the chest was coated in moss. Kaei ran her fingers through the fine moss, vainly hoping to feel some papery edge in the soft greenery, but there was nothing.

"What have we here?" a sultry female voice said, seemingly out of nowhere. Kaei's head snapped up. "Are you a vulture, I wonder, or an intruder, come into these darkspawn filled wilds of mine looking for easy prey?"

The woman was shockingly beautiful. There was no doubt about it. Her dark hair was tied on top of her head, tendrils falling with perfect neglect along her slender neck. Her lips were full and dark; her skin soft and fine like porcelain. But her eyes . . . her eyes were yellow like a beast's and cold. Very, very cold.

"How are these your wilds?" Kaei asked, standing up to face her.

"As much as anything can belong to anyone," the woman replied, a half sarcastic smile fluttering on her face for a moment. "So the first question is mine then, is it not? So what are you, intruder or vulture?"

The mention of vultures made Kaei want to shudder, but she resisted the urge. This was not the sort of person one should show weakness to. Not ever. "I am neither," she replied, steel in her voice. "This tower belongs to the Gray Wardens."

"It is not a tower any longer," the woman said, gesturing to the fallen stones. "Time and the forest have claimed it as their own." She stalked closer, moving as sleek as a wild cat, and as silent. Her feet did not make a sound against the stones. "I have watched your progress for some time. Where do they go, I wondered. Why are they here? And now you disturb ashes that no one has touched in so long."

"Don't speak to her," Alistair said suddenly. "She looks Chasind, and that means there are likely others nearby."

The woman laughed at his words. "You fear barbarians will swoop down upon you?"

"Yes," Alistair replied, smug. "Swooping is . . . bad."

"She's a witch of the wilds, she is," Daveth whispered. His voice was lacking in its normal warmness.

"And what about you?" the woman asked, ignoring the men. "Women do not frighten like little boys. Tell me your name, and I shall tell you mine."

"You can call me Kaei."

"And you can call me, Morrigan, if you wish." Morrigan gave a half flittering smirk again. Somehow, her smile made her face less friendly, rather than more. It was almost like an animal baring its teeth. "So I gather what you seek is something that is here no longer?"

"Here no longer?" Alistair spat. "You stole them didn't you? Those treaties are Gray Warden property and I insist you return them at once."

"I will not, as I was not the one who took them," Morrigan replied sharply. "But I do know who has them, and I can take you there, if you wish."

"Who has them then?" Kaei asked.

"My mother," Morrigan said curtly.

"Your mother?" Kaei raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, my mother. Did you think I spawned from a log?" Morrigan asked, incredulous.

"A weird, thieving talking log, maybe," Alistair said dryly.

"Not all in the wilds are an evil. Flowers bloom as well as toads," Morrigan continued, dismissing him. "I can take you to her if you wish."

"She's a witch, I tell you," Daveth piped up. "She'll put us in the pot she will!"

"If the pot is warmer than this forest, it'll be a nice change," Jory grumbled. Kaei looked back at them, her brow furrowed. They ignored her. Shaking her head, she glanced over at Alistair.

"We do need those treaties," he shrugged.

"Then take us to her," Kaei said, turning back to Morrigan.

"Then follow me, if it pleases you," she said, turning away. Kaei had an uneasy feeling, but it seemed she had no other choice.

They followed Morrigan in silence. There was something equally tantalizing and repellent about her. Kaei studied the back of Morrigan's head, watching the beads woven into her hair sway back and forth with each step. Somehow, looking at Morrigan felt little different from the Tevinter mirror in the ruins. She knew there was something wrong, but she couldn't look away. It wasn't attraction, although Kaei had pondered the beauty of women from time to time. It was something else she just couldn't put her finger on.

She looked back over her shoulder at Alistair. The look on his face was far more clear. It was obvious that whatever beauty Morrigan had was completely lost on him. As far as Kaei could tell from his expression, it was hate at first sight.

Morrigan's mother, she seemed harmless enough. She was mad, certainly, but didn't seem much more than an old woman. Maybe with a touch of magic. Even so, Kaei was just glad to have the treaties in her pack and be heading back out of the wilds. It was an interesting turn of events when a Dalish wanted to get behind stone walls again. But the more time she spent in these woods, the more unwelcoming they felt. Perhaps it was the darkspawn, or maybe it was something else. But either way, Kaei's pace returning to Ostagar was definitely faster than her pace had been on their way out.

Morrigan was supposedly leading them out of the wood, but Kaei didn't need her to guide. She kept pace with Morrigan, not waiting for her to turn or control their path. Occasionally, Morrigan would point in one direction or another, indicating the smoother path. Kaei was impressed by her silent directions and how well she did know the wilds. She was also impressed by Morrigan's ability to keep up with her ever increasing pace. Jory and Daveth fell behind right away, and eventually even Alistair lagged. Kaei would not have slowed for them, if Morrigan hadn't stopped her.

"Although I do understand your desire to get away from those fools," Morrigan said suddenly, stopping in her tracks. "You may want to slow down before they become hopelessly lost." Kaei stopped and turned around. Morrigan was silhouetted by the setting sun, her face cast in dark violet shadows. In the distance, Kaei could see the forms of the three men, hardly more the shadows weaving their way through the sparse trees.

Kaei nodded, "You're right. I forget that not everyone is as familiar with this sort of travel as a Dalish . . . or a 'witch of the wilds' apparently."

Morrigan laughed, but it wasn't as cold a sound as Kaei expected. "Do you believe that?"

"Does it matter?" Kaei replied. "I am grateful for your help, and your mother's, no matter what you are."

"I suppose you have a unique perspective on that, considering your own heritage. The Dalish are only marginally more accepted than witches," Morrigan said.

"Our merchants and craftsman are welcomed, from time to time, but beyond that. . . it is rare we are welcome anywhere," Kaei explained.

"It is a shame," Morrigan commented. "I have a feeling humans, and other elves could learn much from the Dalish."

"I don't know about that," Kaei said. "But I appreciate the sentiment."

"Come," Morrigan said, starting to walk again. "Let us continue on before those three get close enough that I can smell them."

* * *

The Joining. The mere words in her head were ominous. Kaei stood, arms folded, waiting for Duncan to appear. Jory paced nervously back and forth. His boots made a queer echo in the quiet. Kaei could still hear the murmuring sounds of the camp in the background, but it was muted. The throng of voices seemed like the crash of distant waves.

"I do not understand why all this secrecy. It seems dishonorable, and dangerous," Jory muttered.

"Are you blubbering again?" Daveth snapped. Alistair watched the two of them in amused silence. Kaei expected a sarcastic comment, but his face was pale and drawn.

"Well, we're here now, " Kaei said. "There's no point in complaining about it."

"I just have never faced an enemy I could not engage with my blade," Jory continued. "It all seems too high a price to pay."

"You saw those _things_ out there," Daveth said. "Wouldn't you pay any price to stop them? Wouldn't you die to protect your pretty wife from them? Maybe you'll die. Maybe we'll all die. I'd pay that price, and a lot higher to stop the Blight."

Kaei gave Daveth a half smile. He might be a cutpurse and a pickpocket, but his heart was pure gold nonetheless. He met her eyes and nodded. He looked away suddenly, the color draining from his face. His dark skin looked sallow. Duncan slowly walked towards them, carrying a large silver chalice. His jaw was set and his face solemn.

"We come to it at last," Duncan said, setting the chalice on a stone dais. "The Joining. We Gray Wardens pay a heavy burden to become what we are. Fate may decree that you pay your price now, rather than later."

Jory looked like he was about to say something, but Daveth silenced him with a blistering look.

"It was during the first Blight than the Gray Wardens came to be," Duncan continued. "It was then that the first drank of darkspawn blood and mastered their taint."

"We're going to drink the blood of those creatures?" Jory blurted out.

"Yes," Duncan explained. "As all Gray Wardens have done and as we have before you," he said, gesturing to himself and Alistair. "This is the source of our power and how we alone can defeat the archdemon. And how you," he said, meeting Kaei's eyes, "will survive the taint already within you."

Kaei took a shaky breath. Here it was at last, the cure that would as likely kill her as save her.

"We say only a few words before we begin, but they have been said since the first. Alistair, if you will," Duncan said.

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant," Alistair began. "Join us in the duty that cannot be forsworn. And if you shall fall, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day, we shall join you." His voice trailed off into a cold echo. His eyes met Kaei's for only a moment before he dropped them to the ground. Kaei saw in that moment that he knew what was to come and knew the high price some had paid.

"Daveth, step forward," Duncan said solemnly. Daveth's face was still pale, but resolute. As he stepped forward, Jory unconsciously took a few steps back. Duncan handed the chalice into Daveth hands. Without hesitating Daveth drank the foul liquid. Duncan quickly took the chalice from his hands.

Daveth grimaced as he swallowed. He wavered and stumbled forward a few steps. Then his face and body contorted. He doubled over and screamed, a sickly gurgling shout. He threw his head back and his eyes opened. They were white. With a groan, he collapsed to his knees, and fell on to his face on the stones.

"I am sorry Daveth," Duncan said as Daveth stopped moving.

Kaei felt her stomach flip over. She stared at Daveth sadly. _Fate may decree you pay your price now. _If her fear had not been so potent, she was certain that she would have wept for Daveth. She heard the sound of ringing steel and whipped her head up. Jory had pulled his sword from its scabbard and he was backing away from Duncan.

"Maker's Breath!" Jory shouted. "I have a wife, and a child on the way. This is too high a price; there is no glory in this!"

Setting the chalice back down, sadly Duncan pulled a dagger from his belt. Jory swung at him with his blade and Duncan easily deflected it. Then, with inhuman speed, Duncan plunged his dagger into Jory, just below his rib cage. His arm jerked, and a spray of blood flew through the air.

"I am sorry Jory," Duncan said, as he pulled out his dagger and Jory collapsed at his feet. "There is no turning back." He sheathed his dagger without another word and took up the chalice. He turned back to Kaei mechanically. Holding the cup out to her he said, "You are to submit yourself to the taint, for the greater good."

Kaei took the chalice from him, and stared down into the black blood inside. She met Duncan's eyes and nodded. One way or another, this blood would bring her atonement and justice. Either here on the stones of Ostagar or when the archdemon lay dead at her feet. Kaei lifted the chalice to her lips and drank.

She hardly realized Duncan had taken it from her before she was overcome with the most horrific pain she had ever felt. The world went black. And then a flash of light, as green as the sky before a cyclone. A dragon, as big as the creator's world spun in glittering violet and its roar shattered her ears, and her very soul. Kaei opened her eyes. She had fallen and had not even realized it. Duncan and Alistair were crouched over her, their faces in shadow. Behind them, the night sky was bright with endless brilliant stars. Kaei blinked away tears.

"Welcome," Duncan said softly. "My sister."


	5. A Sharp Left Turn

The Tower of Ishal. The horrific screams of the dying. Black blood on her hands, on her face and the stench of death in every direction. The ogre; drool and blood in equal measures on its monstrous face. Alistair's blade, sinking into its skull with a wet, sickening crack. And then her own warm blood splattering her face and coursing down her chest as the darkspawn arrow pierced her.

Then blackness. Impenetrable and endless.

In that inky nothing, nightmares. Screams. Tamlen's face, reflected in the swirling mirror. Alistair's voice shrieking her name. And always, in the distance, the dragon. Blue-violet fire and scales the color of a horrific bruise. It was the color pain was, when it had gone on so long that everything else was only a memory and pain was the whole world.

Kaei struggled up through the darkness. The light broke through, like dawn after the longest night she had ever known. Her eyes fluttered open. Over her head, there was thatch and white wash, log beams. She sat up slowly. The world spun for a moment before her eyes focused. A fire burned in a rough pit set into the wall. Morrigan stood nearby, sliding a book on to a rickety shelf. She turned.

"Ah," she said softly. "Your eyes open at last."

"Where am I?" Kaei asked.

"You are in the wilds," Morrigan explained. "And safe."

"But what happened, the battle and the darkspawn?" Kaei said frantically.

"The man who was to answer your signal . . . quit the field. Those that were left behind were massacred. The darkspawn won your battle," Morrigan said. She seemed as if she was trying to deliver the news with care, but somehow tact appeared to be beyond Morrigan's skill.

"And the King? Duncan?"

"All dead, I'm afraid," Morrigan said.

"Then," Kaei asked, "How am I alive?"

"Mother rescued you and your friend from the top of the tower."

"My friend? You mean Alistair?"

"Yes," Morrigan snorted. "The suspicious dim-witted one that was with you earlier. He is outside by the fire, no doubt still digging a furrow into the earth with his pacing."

Kaei scrambled out of the bed and spying her leather armor on a table nearby, tried to dress herself. Morrigan watched her in silence, but then stepped forward and helped Kaei with the laces when she saw her fingers trembling and fumbling.

"Mother asked to see you when you woke," Morrigan said, threading the leather laces through the grommets at Kaei's shoulder. "And no doubt your friend will be pleased to see that you are still alive."

"Why did your mother save us? _How_ did she save us?"

"As she tells it, she turned into a giant bird and snatched you from the tower, one in each talon," Morrigan said. "If you do not believe that, you will need to ask her yourself. But as for why? Perhaps you were the only ones she could reach. I do not know for certain. You should speak with her. Maybe she will give you more of an answer than she gave me."

"I will do that," Kaei said as she tied the last of the laces. She started towards the door, but then stopped and turned back to Morrigan.

"Oh," Kaei said. "And thank you Morrigan."

Morrigan looked puzzled, but pleased. "You are welcome."

Kaei opened the door slowly. Although it was dusk, her eyes watered a bit at the brightness. Closing the door behind her, she looked around. The hut was on the edge of a marshland with open water on three sides. Alistair stood staring out over the water, unmoving. Morrigan's mother poked at a fire burning in a small circle of stones with a stick. The smoke smelled strange as it wafted over Kaei. Wood and sage, she recognized, but another scent like a dark poisonous flower was mixed into the fragrance.

"And here is your other Gray Warden," Morrigan's mother said, catching sight of Kaei. "You worry too much young man."

Alistair spun around. "You,' he said, his voice catching in his throat. "I thought you were dead."

"It takes more than a few darkspawn to kill me," Kaei said quietly. "Really, I'm fine." A wash of relief came over Alistair's face, but it was quickly overwhelmed by grief. "Thank you for your concern, Alistair," Kaei added as he turned away from her.

"If it wasn't for Morrigan's mother, we'd all be dead. Just like the king. Like Duncan," Alistair said Duncan's name with the sort of reverence most reserved for their gods.

"Do not speak about me as if I am not here."

Alistair turned to Morrigan's mother. "I'm sorry. It's just that you never told us your name."

"Names are pretty, but worthless," she said. "The Chasind folk call me Flemeth, and I suppose that will do."

"Flemeth? The Flemeth?" Alistair said. Kaei looked confused. _The Flemeth?_ What did that mean?

Flemeth chuckled. "Tales are funny things. But who I am is not what you should worry about. You have a Blight to end."

* * *

Reluctantly, Morrigan had agreed to Flemeth's insistence and come with them. She didn't seem happy about it, nor did she seem unhappy about it. She was . . resigned to it. They were headed to Lothering, a small village north of Ostagar. Kaei was glad to be moving. The thinning forest as they made their way north gave way to farmland. She expected to see farmers in their fields, children playing and pointing at her. But the fields and farm holds were deserted.

There were a few corpses of cattle in the fields, broken and half burnt wagons. Beyond that, they were alone. With one happy exception. Shortly after they'd come to the Imperial Highway, a huge brindle Mabari hound had bounded out of the brush with a pack of darkspawn on his heels. They easily dispatched the darkspawn with the assistance of the hound who was as vicious as Kaei's twin daggers. Once the last of the darkspawn lay dying, the hound had laid down at Kaei's feet.

"I think this is the hound from back at Ostagar," Alistair commented. "It looks like he's chosen you; Mabari are like that."

Kaei named the hound Laethie, which was Tamlen's pet name for her. It was a bastardization of the Dalish words for friend and heart. It was a name he only called her in private. Kaei was glad that neither Alistair or Morrigan asked her what it meant, because she wasn't sure she could have told the tale and kept her composure. As it was, Laethie suddenly became a part of Kaei as much as her heart was, and his smiling doggy face at her side lifted her spirits more than she expected.

Morrigan too, despite her verbal complaints about the beast, seemed to enjoy Laethie's company. Kaei suspected Morrigan of throwing scraps to him more than once, but only when Morrigan thought no one else was watching. Kaei did catch her once, feeding Laethie a strip of dried meat from her pack. Morrigan caught her eye and winked, before spewing a string of profanity at the dog worthy of a pirate.

It would have been funny, if it wasn't for Alistair. It was true that she hadn't known him for long; only a day before the battle at Ostagar and now only a few more days since she awoke. But Duncan wasn't the only good judge of character in Ferelden. Kaei knew this sullen silence was not Alistair's way. The friendly, flirtatious banter she'd enjoyed when they'd first met was gone as swiftly as the stars at dawn. She felt a strange pit in her stomach every time she looked at him and smiled. Mainly because instead of returning her smile, at best he would nod, but mostly he would just look away.

If she didn't understand what was going through his head as well as she did, she expected she would have been very angry at his silence. The task in front of them was monumental. Gather an army to defeat the Blight. Bring justice to Loghain. And beneath that, atone for her own crimes and help Tamlen's spirit find peace. Not to mention that she didn't even know how the Gray Wardens defeated a Blight beyond killing the archdemon. Although it certainly required skill, anyone could defeat a dragon. That much was clear from the tales she'd heard as a child. But somehow, she _knew_ there was some reason only a Gray Warden could do the deed. But the creators only knew why, although she supposed the other Wardens had known as well. But the gods and dead didn't speak. Not to Kaei anyway.

But Kaei wasn't angry at Alistair. She'd gathered from the little they'd spoken that he regarded Duncan as a father. A father he'd never had, although she didn't know his story. She knew how that felt. Although Dalish tribes raised all children communally, there was still a strong bond between parent and child. She'd watched it all around her, her whole life. She didn't know what it was to have a father; her own was dead before she'd ever known him. But nonetheless, she felt a pang of loss whenever she thought about it.

And she also knew the pain of losing someone you loved. She knew it every moment. In the quiver on her back there was one arrow she'd stitched into the leather, so she wouldn't accidentally use it. An arrow she'd found on the floor outside the mirror room in the ruins. One of Tamlen's arrows. It was clumsily fletched and the tip was bent. But that didn't matter. To her it was the most beautiful thing in the world. She resisted the urge to hold it when they'd stop to camp, but she found herself staring at it when her quiver lay on the earth at her side. It was a symbol and reminder. She might have a greater duty now, as one of the two remaining Gray Wardens in Ferelden, but it wasn't altruism than drove her. Always it was Tamlen.

They ran into highway men at the gates of Lothering. And atonement or not, she felt no guilt at cutting them down. How many had they harmed before she dispatched them? She felt a certain pleasure at knowing they'd harm no one else. Even one traveler spared was another step towards doing what was right.

They came down a ramp on to a sort of balcony over looking the village. It was small; the houses and shops clustered close together, surrounded by a rough log fence. A chantry with rose tinted windows was perched in the middle of the village. Kaei might not believe in the Maker any more than any other god, but their temples were certainly beautiful. On the distant blue hills, a large estate sprawled, likely the home of the leader of this region. A _Bann, _Morrigan had explained. While Alistair followed them in pained silence, Morrigan had spent the time explaining to Kaei the politics and history of Ferelden that she had read in her mother's books. It was comforting to Kaei to know that she wouldn't seem a complete idiot as they ventured into human lands.

"Ah Lothering," Alistair said out of nowhere, "Pretty as a picture." He rested his hands on the short carved wall.

"So you've finally decided to rejoin us," Morrigan sneered. "Falling on your blade in grief seemed like to much trouble after all?"

"Is my being upset so hard for you to understand?" Alistair spat at her. "Haven't you ever lost anyone before? Just what would you do if your mother died?"

"Before or after I stopped laughing?" Morrigan snickered.

"Right, very creepy. Forget I asked," Alistair said, defeated.

"You have been very quiet, Alistair," Kaei said softly.

"I know," He said, turning away from Morrigan to face her. "Mostly I was just thinking."

"No wonder it took so long," Morrigan quipped.

Alistair spun back to her. "Oh right, is this the part where we are shocked to discover you've never had a friend in the world?"

"I can be friendly if I wish," Morrigan snarled. "But wishing to be more intelligent does not make it so."

"Right, never mind," Alistair said, thwarted.

* * *

They discussed their options. Kaei did feel some urge to seek out her own people first, but Alistair was probably right. The human lord, Arl Eamon, was their best first step. And interestingly enough, Alistair knew the man. He'd been raised by him after his mother, a servant at Redcliffe Castle had died and before being sent to the chantry. This was an interesting turn of events, in Kaei's mind anyway. He hadn't elaborated much. He didn't seem ready to speak yet.

Although there was no available room to sleep in the village, they found a tavern with ale still available. Kaei had hoped for a rest, but first she'd had to nearly kill some of Loghain's men. And had found any unexpected ally. A former sister at the Lothering chantry, who could fight like a demon. She speed with a blade rivaled Kaei's. She was tall and curvaceous, with beautiful auburn hair and had a warm, inviting manner that Morrigan certainly lacked. Both Alistair and Morrigan clearly thought Kaei had lost her mind, but she'd agreed to take the woman with them. Leliana she'd called herself. Crazy or not, Kaei trusted her on sight.

Leliana had rushed back to her rooms at the chantry to gather her things, and Morrigan disappeared outside, to search for some ingredients for her potions. Kaei wasn't going to complain or stop her, since Morrigan's tinctures had proven to be shockingly effective in healing wounds.

That left Kaei and Alistair at the one remaining open table, tucked into a corner of the tavern just outside the light of the lamps and the fire. Laethie lay curled at her feet. They barkeep had given the mabari a strange look, but didn't press the issue. Alistair's hands lay on the table on either side of his ale and he stared into his mug. His face was cast in shadow. They drank without speaking, although the quiet didn't seem as awkward as Kaei expected. She realized, to her amazement, that she had begun to think of him as a person and as Morrigan had called him, her friend. Not just a human; a shemlen. Even thinking that word left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Do you want to talk about Duncan?" Kaei asked finally.

"You don't have to do that," Alistair replied. He looked up at her. For the first time in days he was able to meet her eyes without looking away. Maybe it was the darkness; Kaei couldn't be certain.

"You just look like you need to talk," Kaei said.

"It's just that . . . I feel so guilty. I feel like I should have been there with him. Like I could done something. But then of course, I'd be dead. And it's not like that would make Duncan happy. I'm an idiot," he blurted out in one breath.

"No, you aren't," Kaei said, reaching across the and gently touching the back of his hand. He looked startled for a moment, but then he turned his hand over and closed his fingers around hers. Kaei smiled sadly and squeezed his hand.

"Have you ever lost anyone?" Alistair asked.

"Yes," Kaei replied. "I've lost enough to know what you are going through."

"You know, I wish we could have a proper funeral for him. He didn't have any family that I know of," Alistair said.

"He had you," Kaei said.

"I suppose he did," Alistair said. A sad half smile graced his lips. "I wish too that I had something of his, a token to remember him by. Something I could take with me. That sounds really stupid, doesn't it?"

Reminded of the arrow sewn into her quiver, Kaei replied, "No, it doesn't sound stupid. Not at all. I understand, more than you think."

"I think his people were from Highever," Alistair continued. "Maybe when this is all over I can go there and do something for him. Not that there's a body, or ashes," he paused. "Your people don't practice cremation do they?"

"No, we bury them in the earth and plant a tree over their remains," Kaei explained, thinking of a tiny sapling she planted in Tamlen's honor, though there was no body in the earth beneath.

"That's beautiful; life springing from death," Alistair said. "I think Duncan might have liked that." The half smile on his face blossomed into a genuine smile. It looked like the sun reappearing from behind a cloud. And when Alistair smiled it lifted her heart as much as Laethie's wagging stub of a tail ever did.

"Thank you. Really, I mean it," Alistair said, "It was good to talk about it at least."

"Any time Alistair," Kaei said. "We're in this together, right?"

"Right," he replied. His smile finally reached his eyes. Kaei was shocked to realize that he was handsome when he smiled. Not handsome for a human, not just because he was he only real friend besides her dog she had left in the world. Just because he was.

It was only then that Kaei realized she was still holding his hand.


	6. A Moment of Rest

"So, why have you stayed a Templar if you hate the chantry so much?" Kaei asked.

"It's the uniform; it's not only stylish, but well made. I'm a sucker for good tailoring," Alistair said, smirking.

"Is this the part where you deflect questions with humor?" Kaei replied. She pursed her lips.

"I'd use my shield, but I suspect you might actually see me hiding behind it," Alistair said. "You don't really want to know about my being a Templar, do you? It's really rather boring."

"Then make up something more interesting," Kaei said, flashing a grin.

"I like the way your mind works," Alistair said. He had a little half smile on his face, which Kaei wasn't sure how to read. He spoke simply of his time in the chantry. And he spoke so fondly of Duncan, as if he had saved him from the worst fate imaginable. And in a way, she could understand that. The idea of becoming addicted to lyrium and going mad was a fate she wouldn't have chosen. Although it really wasn't that different than what they had to look forward to as Gray Wardens.

Thirty years to live. It was on her mind more than she cared to admit. How precious each moment is, when you know with such precision how few more there are to come. Everything dies, that was true. But to know the when of it made it different indeed.

Eventually, Alistair and she lapsed into one of the comfortable silences she was growing accustomed to. They sat close together, both on Alistair's bedroll that he'd set out next to the fire. No need for a tent tonight. It was clear and warm, with a sky full of stars. It was odd that amidst all this, she'd found someone she could just sit next to and look at the fire in their little camp. A human man, of all things. But she wasn't about to take it for granted. She wasn't about to take anything for granted again.

They were headed towards Redcliffe, and would probably be there sometime towards midday. She'd also taken in another stray soul. And this one . . . she knew the others thought it was right to release him from the cage, but she knew they were uneasy with his enormous and quiet presence. But not Kaei. She saw the same desire for atonement in the big Qunari's eyes. She felt like she could trust him. At least as much as she could trust herself. When it came down to it, the three humans she'd killed with Tamlen and the eight that Sten had? What was the difference really, except in magnitude? The crime was the same. He had as much right to seek atonement as she did.

It did worry her, the way Alistair looked at Sten. She had grown far too accustomed to Alistair's steady presence, his loyalty and his trust in her. Despite Morrigan's badgering and Alistair's desire to thwart her, he'd admitted his preference to follow. As long as he could trust the one leading them, that was. Even Morrigan had conceded to that point. But what if Alistair found out what she did in the forest that day? Would he hate her, or somehow worse, no longer trust her?

"So," Alistair said suddenly, "I've told you my tale, such as it is. I know its not something we Gray Wardens are supposed to do . . . talk about the past that is, but I'm curious about you."

"What about?" Kaei said, trying to hide her nerves under a smile.

"Like I said, I don't know much about the Dalish. What was your life like, you know, before all this fun?" he asked.

Kaei was glad for the vagueness of his question. "Well, I was a hunter. Although I suppose that might need some explanation. It's not like when someone goes out in the forest to kill something for sport or food. We do that as well, of course, but being a hunter means something different to us."

"How so?" Alistair asked.

"A hunter is a protector of the clan. A hunter not only provides food and resources, but we keep the camp safe and help defend those who can't defend themselves. We Dalish are not welcome in most places, so hunters are highly valued. It's also a right of passage, a rite of adulthood. Although we decide adulthood by age, just as humans and flat ears . . I mean, city elves do, becoming a hunter is as much a part of that as age. If you can manage to become a hunter before you are old enough to be considered an adult; its quite the achievement. Especially since in order to become a hunter, you need to venture into the forest and slay a proper beast without assistance. A wolf, a boar or if you are ambitious, a bear," Kaei explained.

"And I suppose you were a hunter long before you were, well, how old do you have to be?" Alistair asked.

"Twenty summers," Kaei said. "And no, I missed it by a week." She grinned. "I only knew one who actually managed to become a hunter before his twentieth birthday." She paused and the smile slid from her face. Swallowing, she said, "Tamlen became a hunter right after his nineteenth summer."

"I wouldn't have guessed," Alistair said, tactfully leaving the subject of Tamlen for another time after seeing the look in her eyes.

"Guessed what?" Kaei asked.

"How long were you a hunter, before becoming a Gray Warden?" he asked.

Kaei cocked her head at him. "Three seasons."

Alistair chuckled. "You _are_ older than I am," he said. " I wouldn't have guessed that."

"It's the ears," Kaei snickered. "Makes us elven types look all spry and such."

"Is that so?" Alistair grinned. "I was going to blame the freckles."

Self consciously, Kaei rubbed her finger across the bridge of her nose, as if she could rub the offending spots away. She looked back into the fire.

"Hey," Alistair said, bumping her with his shoulder. "That was supposed to be a compliment. Don't get all morose on me now."

"Sorry," Kaei said, looking at her hands. "I guess I've never quite gotten over my childhood."

"Me neither," Alistair said. Kaei expected for a moment he was going to say something serious, but then he continued, "I'm still sad that I lost the golem doll Arl Eamon bought me on a trip to Denerim."

Kaei laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You do that," he replied. He stopped and seemed to study her for a moment. "You don't like the freckles?" he asked.

"Not particularly," Kaei said. "The Dalish have a rather narrow view of what's attractive, you see. And freckles and orange hair aren't exactly on the list."

"That's a shame," he said. "They are really quite adorable."

"Oh I'm sure," she said sarcastically.

"No really, I mean it," he replied. He gave her a little crooked grin as he studied her face again. She looked at him, really looked at him, since it seemed like she had finally been given permission to do so. The half light of the fire lit one side of his face in tones of gold. It brought out the gold in his hair and tiny flecks of yellow in his amber colored eyes. She was intrigued by his square chin and its fine dusting of perpetual stubble. His lips were slightly coral colored and his lower lip looked delightfully soft amidst the sharp angles of his face. It seemed that he caught her staring at his mouth and his ears flushed slightly. He cleared his throat and made a little coughing sound before he looked away.

Kaei took a breath; she hadn't realized she'd been holding it. "Has anyone told you," she said quietly, making sure they weren't overheard, "that you are quite handsome?"

Alistair laughed nervously. "Not unless they were asking for a favor," he said. "Well, and there was that one time in Denerim, but those women, they weren't, well, like you." He turned back to her, and grinned. "Is this your way of telling me _you_ think I'm handsome?"

"What if it is?" Kaei said, trying not to look as giddy as she felt.

"Nothing much. I just get to grin and look foolish for a while," he said, the aforementioned foolish grin on his face. "Is this the part where I get to say the same?"

Kaei felt her smile crumple. "Not unless you think so," she said.

"Oh I do," Alistair replied, still grinning and bumping into her again with his shoulder. "I'll just wait to spring it on you when you aren't expecting it."

Kaei snickered. "I'll keep an ear out for it then," she said.

"Both charming little pointy ones, I hope," he replied.

"Since we're on the subject of your good looks," Kaei began. Then she stopped, and felt like she'd gone mad. Was she really going to ask this?

"Do go on," Alistair said. "I'm all for a long conversation about my good looks."

"Well, if you grew up in the chantry, have you never . . . ?" Kaei blushed.

"Have I never what?" Alistair smirked.

"You know what I mean," Kaei said, embarrassment in her voice. She had really asked. She must be losing her mind.

"I'm not sure that I do," Alistair quipped. "Have I never . . . had a good pair of shoes, seen a Basilisk, eaten jellied ham? Have I never licked a lamppost in winter?"

"Now you're making fun on me," Kaei said, her cheeks blazing.

"Me? Make fun of you dear lady? Perish the thought," he said. He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Have you . . . ever licked a lamppost in the winter?"

"A lamppost? We don't have . . . oh, um . . . yes, actually. I have licked a lamppost in winter," she said, catching his meaning.

"Just the once? And you didn't lose half your tongue in the process? Impressive," he said.

"Yes," Kaei, meeting his eyes again. "And it's true actually, just the once."

"Ah," he said. "I, myself, have never had the _pleasure._ Not that I haven't thought about it, of course."

"You never had the opportunity?" Kaei asked.

"Well, living in the chantry isn't exactly the life for rambunctious boys. They taught me to be a gentleman, especially in the presence of beautiful women, such as yourself. That isn't so bad is it?" he explained.

"There it is," Kaei said. "I almost missed it." Alistair grinned at her. "And no, it isn't a bad thing."

Alistair cleared his throat. "All right then, we should try to get some sleep, before your risque talk makes my ears blush. More than they already are, anyway."

Kaei laughed as she stood up to retrieve her bed roll. She grabbed it and turned around. Alistair had laid down and he patted the ground next to him as he smiled up at her. Kaei resisted the urge to run and hide in the woods and instead unrolled her blankets next to his. At a respectable distance, but close enough. She settled down on the blankets, wrapping them around herself. She rolled on to her side to face Alistair. He was still smiling at her, his face propped in his hand.

"Good night, my dear lady," he said, laying his head down.

"Good night Alistair," Kaei replied. "And if darkspawn decide to attack, don't wake me, okay?"

He snickered. "Your desire is my command."

Kaei fell asleep as soon as her eyes closed. Her dreams had not been pleasant since the mirror and the taint touched her. Alistair told her it was something she'd need to find a way to deal with, after the first night she'd woken screaming in the camp. Tonight, comforted by Alistair's nearness, she hoped the dreams would be less threatening. Despite the affectionate, enjoyable feeling she had when she fell asleep, she wasn't that lucky. If anything, it was worse this night than ever before. The dragon. And the horde, spilling out of the earth, as if the ground itself was vomiting a stream of horror. She woke in a panic. She sat bolt upright and wasn't sure if she'd screamed aloud or if it had just been in her head. She looked around at a chorus of concerned faces. Even Laethie looked nervous.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to wake everyone. I'm alright." Leliana looked at her from across the nearly extinguished embers of the fire, concern hooding her sleepy eyes.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Kaei nodded. Leliana returned the gesture, but instead of laying back down, she glanced at the slowly brightening sky and stood up. She busied herself with folding her blankets, leaving Kaei to her thoughts.

"Bad dreams?" Alistair asked quietly. His voice was close. Kaei turned her head. Somehow during the night they'd shifted closer together. The edge of their bedrolls were nearly touching. Almost, but not quite.

"It seemed so real," Kaei said. She shook her head as if that would chase away the images that still lingered.

"It is real, in a sense," Alistair said. "Its part of being a Gray Warden, like I said. We can sense the darkspawn. And when we sleep, it's even worse. We tap into their, I don't know what to call it. Their _group mind _I guess. The archdemon, it talks, to the horde and we can hear it in our dreams."

"It's the dragon, isn't it?" she asked.

"I don't know if it's really a dragon. But it sure looks like one," he said. "But yes, that's the archdemon. Eventually, you can learn to block the dreams out. Although they say its worse for those who join during a Blight."

"Wonderful," Kaei sighed. "This just adds to my enjoyment."

"You're strong," he said, reaching out and putting his hand on her shoulder. "And I know you'll manage."

"I always do," she said. "And I'll try to live up to your faith in me." She forced a smile, trying to forget the horrors waiting behind her eyelids. "Thank you Alistair, for that."

"That's what I'm here for," he said, standing. "To deliver bad news and witty one liners. But we're all up now, so lets pull up camp and get moving. It's still a long way to Redcliffe." He reached out his hand, and she took it, letting him pull her to her feet. It seemed he was always doing that. Helping her stand, even when all she wanted to do was run away and hide. He might prefer to follow, but Kaei wasn't sure she'd get very far without Alistair right behind her.


	7. Rose Petals

Kaei had hoped that the biggest problem in Redcliffe would be her lack of social graces, inexperience with noble etiquette and mildly inappropriate armor. But as was proving to be the case, luck was not on her side. Redcliffe village was overrun by . . .things. They were much like the undead creatures she'd battled in the ruins with Tamlen from what she could gather. Except these monsters were seemingly possessed with a purpose, as if an intelligent force was guiding them.

She'd spent the daylight hours running like mad through the village, trying to bolster morale, acquire armor, and find lost little brothers. But now there was nothing to do but wait. Bann Teagan told her that the creatures never attacked under after nightfall. So waiting was all she could do as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon. The setting sun stained the sky in shades of gold and pink. It would have been a beautiful sight; that blazing orb disappearing into the deep blue waters of Lake Calanhad, but all Kaei saw was the rhythm of a whet stone against her daggers.

Morrigan looked more annoyed than anything, irritated to be wasting her time. Leliana on the other hand was intensely motivated and prayed with the Arl's knights. Which did seem to greatly bolster their morale, although Kaei wasn't sure it was the chant or Leliana's curves that were doing the trick. But, like Alistair had said to the Revered Mother, morale was a potent thing. Kaei didn't care where it came from.

Kaei sat on a crate, perched at the edge of a wooden boardwalk near the mill. Across the water, Redcliffe castle stood in silence. It was far enough away that a blue haze melted the edges of the stone as the light dimmed. It was a grand thing; they all were, these human buildings. But the more stones Kaei saw, the more she was overwhelmed with homesickness. She missed the aravels. They were certainly not grand, not to anyone's eyes. But those land ships, pulled by the graceful halla with the sounds of their playful hooves in harmony with bright elven voices . . . . She may never have felt as if she really _fit_ in her tribe, but it was the only life she'd ever known. And now, it was a life she would never know again.

"It's like coming home again," Alistair said, walking towards her. "With more undead, of course." Sarcasm aside, his voice was wistful as he looked out towards the castle.

"What's it like?" Kaei asked. "Having a place to call home?"

"I have no idea, honestly," Alistair said, not looking away from the castle. "Redcliffe castle had ceased being a home to me long before I was sent away. And it's not as if the chantry was ever a home either."

"Hm," Kaei said.

"Do you have any place you consider home?" Alistair asked.

"Well," Kaei pondered. "I guess my home is with the Gray Wardens now. With you."

Alistair turned to look at her. "I didn't know you felt that way." Kaei shrugged. "You know, once this is all over, we'll have to think about having a real home again."

"I'm not sure I really know what that means," Kaei said. "I'm used to home being wherever I lay myself down. It is never a place that makes a home. It's the people you are with, I guess. Or at least, that's what it's like to be Dalish."

"I think that might be sort of sad," Alistair commented. "But then again, it might be very wise."

"I can't answer that for you," Kaei replied.

Alistair shot her a smile. "Why not, oh wise and beautiful one?"

"Well, twice in two days," Kaei grinned. "I'm going to end up as conceited as Morrigan."

"Somehow I doubt that," Alistair said, sitting down next to her. "I get the feeling you've heard that far too rarely."

Kaei shrugged again. "That could be true. How often should it be heard?"

"As often as possible," Alistair replied. "Especially right before attempting to win hopeless battles."

"Don't say that too loud, you'll rattle the troops," she said.

"No worries on that account. The knights are enraptured," Alistair chuckled.

"I'm almost surprised you aren't," Kaei muttered.

"By Leliana?" Alistair asked, raising one eyebrow quizzically. "Not likely. I've known far too many women like her at the chantry already. I feel guilty enough without encouragement."

"She is beautiful, though," Kaei said. "More than I."

"Maybe," Alistair said. "If I was an artist or the like. But there's more to a beautiful woman than her looks."

"I'm not sure how to take that," Kaei said, looking over at him.

Alistair sighed. "I mean . . . oh never mind."

Kaei gave a half hearted laugh. They lapsed into silence, but Alistair was fidgety. He couldn't seem to sit still. Kaei looked over at him and again he was staring out across the water. His ears were red. He took a deep breath. She watched as a muscle in his jaw twitched. Kaei sighed. She felt like a fool. She stood and began to walk away.

"Wait," Alistair said softly. Kaei turned. He'd stood and was cradling something in his hand. "Here," he said, taking her hand and placing something into her palm, "Look at this."

Kaei looked down at her upturned palm. Alistair had set a small red rose in the palm of her hand. The edges of the petals looked a bit worse of wear, but it was still whole and alive. She'd seen Alistair with this same rose from time to time, contemplating the petals as if they might hold some wisdom he'd yet to discover.

"Do you know what this is?" he continued.

"Is that a trick question?" Kaei asked.

"Yes, I'm trying to trick you," Alistair said snidely. "Is it working?"

"Yes, you're wily," she replied.

"Nefarious even," he said. He cleared his throat. "Or, it could just be a rose."

"You've been thumbing that flower for a while," Kaei commented.

"I picked it in Lothering," he explained. "I wondered how anything so beautiful could exist amidst all that hopelessness and despair. I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't. The darkspawn would come and their taint would just destroy it."

"So what do you intend to do with it?" Kaei asked.

"I thought I might give it to you, actually," he said, suddenly shy. "I think the same thing when I look at you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, here I've been, doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly had a good time of it yourself. You've had none of the good experience of being a Gray Warden. It's been all death and fighting. I just wanted to say something. To tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this darkness."

Kaei swallowed a lump in her throat. She looked at the rose for a minute and then looked up to meet his eyes. "I think," she stuttered. "I think I feel the same way about you."

"Good to know," he grinned. "Very good."

* * *

The waiting was nothing in comparison to the anxiety that followed. The castle erupted in wave upon wave of hideous creatures. They reeked of decay. As they rushed forward, shrieking with wrath, shreds of rotten cloth and flesh fell from them. It felt like there was no end to them. Luckily, despite their seeming anger, the creatures were confused and unorganized. Kaei, her companions and the knights were easily able to keep them at bay as they came down the hill from the castle.

Kaei started to feel hopeful that they would win smoothly until a scout came screaming up to the mill. They were attacking from across the water – attacking the chantry directly. And the militia was swiftly losing ground. Kaei ran after the scout with Alistair, Morrigan and Leliana on her heels. She rounded the bridge and came to the crest of the last hill looking down on to the chantry courtyard. The monsters were pressing in from all sides. The militia was doing as well as could be expected, but their efforts didn't seem to be holding. Several of the undead had flanked them and they were scratching and clawing at the doors of the chantry.

With a scream of fury, Kaei dropped her bow to the ground and unsheathed her daggers, rushing into the mass of the battle below. Her blade sung through the air, sinking into the overly soft flesh of the first creature she encountered. It's blank eyes widened with shock just before she separated its head from its neck. She wheeled around, finding another creature. Then another. Blood sprayed through the air; the dark congealed blood of the dead covered her like grisly paint.

It wasn't until there was a heap of fetid corpses littering the ground around her that she even realized the others had followed her. One of the monsters nearly had its blade into her when she heard the crackle of magic and it stopped, frozen in it's tracks. She saw a longsword whip around from behind the thing, and it shattered into a million pieces.

Kaei took a breath and swung around frantically, looking for her next opponent. But there were no more. Only a few of the things still moved at all, but the militia quickly dispatched any that so much as twitched. In the east, Kaei could see the first brightening of dawn lighting the sky. They'd survived the night.

She surveyed the carnage around her. Only two of the militia had fallen. It was a grand victory, by any standard. Finally able to stop, Kaei tried to catch her breath.

"Are you harmed?" Morrigan asked, sauntering over to her completely unfazed.

"I don't think so," Kaei said. But Morrigan reached out and touched Kaei's cheek. Her hand came away stained with blood. Bright red living blood.

"Is that mine?" Kaei asked.

"It seems to be," Morrigan said, handing her a tincture from her pack. "And before you make a face, I already know it tastes foul. Just drink it and shut up. And you're welcome." Morrigan grinned wickedly and spun away. She wasn't as fond of healing as much as she enjoyed inflicting wounds. But she did more hate to be _asked_ to do things. So she began checking the militia for wounds so no one had to bother her with requesting it.

Kaei downed the tincture with a grimace, but she felt the pleasant tingle of its healing power in her face. She ran her hand along her cheek. It was smooth and whole as it had ever been. She turned to see Alistair helping the mayor of the village to his feet, heartily patting the man on the back. Murdock was his name, if she was recalling correctly. Murdock looked amazed to be alive.

"So you did it," Alistair said, walking over to her.

"We did it," Kaei said. Forgetting herself in her exhaustion, she continued. "I'm finally making up for . . . um. Well, what I mean is, it's really good to do something that helps people."

"What?" Alistair looked confused, and shook his head. "Well, it is good to help. Feels damn good." He smiled. "You do know, this is just the beginning of this mess, right?"

"Isn't it always?" Kaei replied. Alistair chuckled. He looked as if he was going to say something more. He had a questioning look on his face. Kaei frowned. He curled his lip, but wisely said nothing.

Leliana appeared at his side. A huge smile was plastered across her face. Despite the blood soaked into her hair and smeared on her face, she still looked angelic. Like some avenging angel. Grinning wider, she wrapped her arm around Alistair's waist and hugged him. Then, letting him go, she flung herself at Kaei, wrapping her arms around her neck. She pulled away and kissed Kaei's cheek.

"You were amazing!" she said, gleefully.

"Thanks," Kaei said. She knew better already than to try to be humble around Leliana. She'd have none of it. Leliana stepped back beside Alistair and rested her head against his shoulder.

"Excuse me," Kaei muttered and turned away, scurrying over to Morrigan as if she intended to help, but more than anything trying to get away. She found Morrigan crouched down over a moaning man, assessing a wound on his leg.

"Need any help?" Kaei asked.

"Actually, yes," Morrigan said, pressing a strip of linen into Kaei's hand. "Dress his wound will you? He'll be fine." Her voice was sharp. She stood and moved on to the next, leaving Kaei to tie the band around the man's leg. Once Kaei finished, the man thanked her and promptly fainted. Still on her knees, she looked back over her shoulder where she'd left Alistair and Leliana. She almost expected to see Leliana still wrapped around him, but she'd moved on. She was sitting on the chantry steps, talking animatedly with Murdock. He still looked shocked and seemed oblivious to her charming company.

Alistair was leaning against one of the pillars on the side of the stairs. His ankles were crossed, as were his arms across his chest. But he was watching her. When he saw her look up, he smiled. Kaei looked back at the man she was tending, fumbling with the bandage, although there was nothing more to be done.

She felt very, very foolish. Between nearly blurting out the most horrific thing she'd ever done, and then having a second fit of jealousy. . . some Gray Warden she was. She was finding herself infinitely more concerned with her own guilt and Alistair's approval than she was with what she was supposed to be doing. One way or another, it had to stop. Sooner than later, she was going to have to tell him. And then she could stop being a ridiculous infatuated child. Because once she told Alistair she was a murderer, she'd be lucky if he'd even be willing to take her with him as he continued on his way to save Ferelden and the rest of the world.

It would put an end to her foolishness anyway. How could she have thought . . . he was human. And humans thought elves were less than people. Alistair might be decent, but he was still a human, after all. It was wrong for her to think he could ever think of her anything more than an interesting oddity. She'd been told it her whole life. Humans find us beautiful to look at, but never see us as equals. The Keeper would not have said it if it wasn't from a lifetime of experience. Even if Kaei's foolish heart told her otherwise.

Beside, it was her foolish heart and her desire to gain Tamlen's approval that got him killed. No matter what Alistair thought of her, she wasn't about to let that happen to him. No matter what she had to do, she'd find a way to make sure he survived to find the home he always wanted. Even if that meant she'd never have one.

It seemed a suitable punishment.


	8. The Way of the Arrow

Bann Teagan asked them to meet him near the mill at midday. Which left several hours for them to join in the celebration of their victory. It was a rather sad party, to say the least. And after more than a day without sleep, Kaei was beyond uninterested. After a while, the compliments were more irritating than pleasant, so she retreated to the shade of a tree. She sat back and leaned against a fence in the shady spot and promptly fell asleep. Even better, she was too tired to dream.

It felt as if she'd just closed her eyes when she woke. She found she was no longer sitting up, but instead sprawled out of her back, covered by a blanket with her head cradled. It didn't feel much like a lump of blankets though. She opened her eyes to discover her head was in Alistair's lap. He was still asleep, his head leaning back against the fence where she'd first sat. His hand supported the back of her head, his fingers woven into her hair.

Even with only a little bit of sleep, the world looked very different than it had before. She reached up and touched Alistair's hand and instinctively he wove his fingers through hers. Sleepily, his eyes opened, and he looked down at her. A slow smile spread across his face. The look in his eyes; he certainly wasn't looking at a curious oddity, or even at an _elf. _That expression was only one for . . . a friend.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Yes," Kaei replied. She knew she should sit up, but this was the most comfortable place she'd been in a while, and she was loathe to move. "Sorry if I seemed stupid before."

"Well, I'll forgive you," he said, "Especially since I've been so stupid myself in recent history." Kaei chuckled and reluctantly sat up. The courtyard was deserted. She expected to at least see Morrigan or Leliana lurking nearby, but they were nowhere to be seen.

"Where is everybody?" Kaei asked.

"Sleeping, I'd wager," Alistair said. "Which means this is a good a time as any to talk."

Kaei gave him a puzzled look. "Aren't we talking right now?"

"Yes, but I need to tell you something, something I should have told you earlier . . . but I . . . well, I need to tell you before we go to the castle," Alistair stuttered.

"What about?" Kaei asked. "You look nervous."

"Well I . . well, I just wish it didn't matter," he said.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" Kaei said.

"I don't know. Probably not, I know I've never liked it," he said. "I told you all about how my mother was a servant at Redcliffe castle and how the Arl raised me right?"

"You did," Kaei nodded.

"And you were nice enough not to ask if I knew who my father was," Alistair continued. "Which made it so I didn't have to lie."

"I didn't think it was any of my business," Kaei said. "But, why would you lie about it?"

"Well, you see . . . the Arl _is _a good man, but he didn't raise me because he is a good man. He did that, because, well . . . my father was . . . King Maric, which made Cailan my half-brother, I suppose," Alistair said.

"What?!" Kaei shouted, entirely louder than she intended. Shocked at herself, she lowered her voice. "Doesn't that make you heir to the throne?"

"Let's hope not," Alistair replied. "I don't want it; I've never wanted it. Besides, I'm the son of a commoner, and a Gray Warden to boot."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Kaei asked.

"How do you just come out and say that? Oh, by the way the King had a dalliance with a servant girl and viola, here I am. . . and well, it's always been a secret. I was a threat to Cailan's rule and it was made very clear to me a long time ago that there was no room for me to be raising a rebellion or any such nonesence. I'm not used to telling people who didn't already know." he said. "Besides, I think I liked you not knowing."

"Why? What happens when people find out?"

"Suddenly I'm _The Bastard Prince_ to them, not just Alistair. I just . . . well, I guess I just wanted you to like me for who I am," he said, looking at his hands.

"I do like you Alistair," she said. "It doesn't matter who your parents were; not to me anyway."

Alistair looked back up at her and smiled sadly. "Good, then we can just go on thinking I'm just a nobody who was too lucky to get killed at Ostagar."

"You don't really think that do you?" she asked.

"Well, no. I think I was lucky enough to survive with you," he said, reaching his hand out. He held it palm up, waiting. Slowly, Kaei raised her hand and set it in his. His fingers curled around hers and he closed his eyes for a moment.

"We're both lucky," she said finally, squeezing back. Alistair's eyes were fixed on their hands. Slowly he looked up at her.

"You know," he said. "This was the last thing I expected."

Kaei smiled, a little crooked grin that was more in her eyes than on her lips. Gingerly, Alistair reached out with his other hand and tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear. Far more delicately than she expected from his large calloused hands, he traced the lines of the knotted tattoo on her forehead. He cocked his head to the side.

"What do these mean?" he asked softly.

"It is called blood writing," Kaei replied, nearly entranced by his slowly moving finger. "We take them when we become adults, to honor our patron god or goddess. And to let the world know that we will not forsake our faith, or our ways."

"And which god is yours?" he asked softly. "If you can tell me."

Kaei smiled. "It's not a secret. These symbols are of Andruil, Goddess of the Hunt. Although all hunters honor her, not many take her symbol. She is a . . . difficult goddess to understand."

"Why is that?" he asked.

"She is as much about strength as she is about weakness," Kaei tried to explain. "It is hard to say without poetry. I just remember hearing the Charge of Andruil as a child, and knowing who she was. And who I was, I guess."

"I think I'd like to hear it," Alistair said softly.

"I didn't expect you to be the poetry type," Kaei chuckled.

He grinned. "I have my moments."

"You asked for it," Kaei replied. "Don't say I didn't warn you. And no fidgeting, or I'll get all offended and make you crazy for days." Alistair gave her a strange look, but then nodded. Rather solemnly, Kaei thought. He stopped his tracing on her face and somewhat reluctantly let go of her hand.

"It's been a while, but I always remember it," she began. She cleared her throat, and looked down for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she spoke.

"_Hear me, sons and daughters of the People _

_I am Sister of the Moon, Mother of Hares,_

_Lady of the Hunt: Andruil._

_Remember my teachings,_

_Remember the Vir Tanadhal:_

_The Way of Three Trees_

_That I have given you._

_Vir Assan: the Way of the Arrow_

_Be swift and silent;_

_Strike true, do not waver_

_And let not your prey suffer._

_That is my Way._

_Vir Bor'assan: the Way of the Bow_

_As the sapling bends, so must you._

_In yielding, find resilience;_

_In pliancy, find strength._

_That is my Way._

_Vir Adahlen: the Way of the Wood_

_Receive the gifts of the hunt with mindfulness._

_Respect the sacrifice of my children_

_Know that your passing shall nourish them in turn._

_That is my Way._

_Remember the Ways of the Hunter_

_And I shall be with you._"

Kaei fell silent. She almost expected Alistair to make one of his now nearly infamous snappy comments, but he seemed to be pondering the words very seriously.

"In yielding, find resilience; In pliancy, find strength," he said, repeating her words, even carefully repeating her inflection. "I think I understand. And maybe, I understand you a little more."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, all of this, becoming a Gray Warden, the fighting, trying to save a world of men that doesn't respect your people as they should," he said. "I sometimes wondered how you didn't crack under it all. I wondered why you were so motivated to do what is right."

"It's part of it," Kaei said. "But the rest will have to wait for a better time."

"Why is that?" Alistair said.

"Like you told me on the first day we met; don't think about it, it'll just distract you," she said, hiding her sudden sinking feeling with a forced smile.

He grinned. "Fair enough. Off we go then."

* * *

The tunnel to the castle was a damp, closed in tomb that made Kaei want to jump out of her skin. But finding the mage in the cell just beyond was somehow even worse. If she'd let him, despite his gentle nature, Alistair would have summarily executed Jowan right there. It was his inevitable end, she was sure of that, but she couldn't let him go to his grave with so much guilt. She saw reflected in Jowan's eyes all the guilt _she_ was holding inside. Stupid mistakes, bad turns on a path that seemed like the right direction at the time.

She left him in the cell however, when he refused to accompany her. Morrigan looked annoyed, but didn't say anything further. This blood magic, it seemed like a terribly bad thing to just let loose. So she left him there and continued on.

After slaying the few creeping things they ran across and sending one very frightened maid back down the tunnel to the mill, they arrived at the audience chamber where the seemingly reserved and proud Bann Teagan was rolling on the floor for the amusements of a child. A child who waves of evil poured off of like a putrid stench.

An abomination. Possessed by a demon.

Everything in Kaei's being wanted to slay that _thing_ before it could speak. And speak it did, with a voice that no child's mouth should ever have been able to produce. But then, for a split second, the child himself spoke. True fear glimmered in his eyes and Kaei realized this was only a child. True, it was a child that had made a deal with the demon, but he'd only done so to try to save his father's life. A mistake, for certain, but not the sort she could see no coming back from. She would not take another innocent life.

Teagan dragged the mage from the dungeon. A mage who probably could have set the hall ablaze and saved himself; a mage who had escaped from the Templars but walked behind Teagan with his head hung in shame.

"Please, I just want a chance to make things right," Jowan pleaded. "I have made so many mistakes, and I don't want to die without getting the chance to repair some of the damage I've done."

Blood mage. Apostate and maleficarum.

Now standing before Bann Teagan and Lady Isolde with tears in his eyes. Kaei was so surprised to hear him not beg for mercy for himself, only for the chance to make things right. She could see reflected in Jowan's eyes the same thing that had driven her thus far. But the idea that he would use Isolde's life to enter the fade . . . as he said himself, it wasn't much of a choice. Despite a lifetime's worth of dark looks from Morrigan, Kaei decided to take the longer path, the harder path. She would go to the Circle of Magi and find mages to enter the Fade. And then, well, and then they'd see. She could only pray to the creators that Jowan and Teagan would be able to keep Connor in check until they returned.

* * *

They left Redcliffe as night fell. As tired as she was, she wanted to get some distance between Redcliffe and where she was going to sleep. There was something nightmarish about staying in that place after dark. She managed to keep them all on their feet for longer than she expected. Finally, it was Sten that stopped her.

"Warden," he snapped. "There is no sense in walking until you fall asleep on your feet." Kaei stumbled to a halt and Alistair who was right behind her crashed into her since he was, as Sten noted, asleep on his feet.

"Sorry," he said, his head snapping up and looking sheepish as if he'd been caught napping during a prayer meeting.

"All right troops," Kaei said. "Let's make camp before we all die of exhaustion."

Kaei was ready to thank the creators for Morrigan. Although she usually let them light a fire in the conventionally way, tonight when Morrigan spotted a rotten stump in the center of the clearing they'd chosen and she set it ablaze with a flick of her slender wrist. . They all completely discarded the idea of tents and they laid their bed rolls in a circle around the fire. Even Morrigan didn't bother with the normal distance she kept between herself and the others. Kaei laid her bedroll on the ground and before she managed to sit, Alistair laid his right next to hers. No respectable distance this time. He flopped down on his back, and looked up at her. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You don't mind, do you?" he asked sleepily.

Kaei smiled as she sat down. "Of course not. But I need to talk to you tomorrow, once we've gotten some real sleep. About . . . _this._"

Alistair looked equally puzzled and worried for a moment, but then his exhaustion overtook him. He nodded as his eyes slid closed. Kaei shook her head, looking down at him. He might be a man, although younger than she he would still have been an adult by her clan's reckoning. But when he lay there, sleep erasing the lines between his brows and loosening the tension of his lips, he looked so beautiful and so sodding innocent. But beautiful or not, she had to tell him.

Kaei might have only known love with Tamlen before, but she recognized the look in Alistair's eyes when he looked at her. She couldn't let him fall in love with her. Not when it would break his heart to know the truth of who she really was, what she'd done.

It had to be done now, before it was too late.

She glanced up over her shoulder to find Leliana staring at her. She wasn't sure how to read Leliana's expression and was frankly too tired to care. She laid down, turning her back to Alistair. She was so exhausted, that she felt herself drifting off as soon as she closed her eyes. Just as sleep overtook her, she felt the distinct sensation of Alistair draping his arm around her waist and burying his face in her hair.


	9. Rain

Dawn was gray and dismal. Despite the uninspiring break of day, Kaei drove them hard. They had to reach the tower and return as soon as their feet would allow. She kept seeing the mockery of joy on Teagan's face enthralled by the demon's spell, hearing the eerie echo of the demon's voice on Connor's lips and knew that speed was of the essence. But, despite her near panic, the others soon gave up on trying to keep up with her. It was if they figured if they slowed, they could meet her on her way back with mages in tow.

Only Laethie walked with her. He had no trouble with her pace. He loped along beside her, the tiny stub of his tail wagging. Alistair seemed to make it point to not be anywhere alone with her, because that meant she would talk to him. Although she'd woken in a tangle of his limbs, slightly sore from the awkward position and entirely too warm for her liking, she couldn't help but feel a sharp pain when she thought of it. She'd unwound herself from him and left him sleeping, afraid to meet his eyes. It was a strange thing, to find herself in his arms when she woke, when she hadn't even mustered up to courage to kiss him, despite a powerful desire to do so. And now that chance was about to disappear. Kaei felt suspiciously like she'd tried to eat a rock and it was stuck in her throat.

As midday disappeared into afternoon, the gray sky opened up in a torrent of rain. If Kaei could have kept them going, slogging through the mud, she would have. But when the first crack of lightning lit up the sky, she knew she was defeated. By nature herself; the creators had a perverse sense of humor. Fleeing under an overhang on rocks along the lakeshore, they huddled within and tried to rest and wait out the storm.

Kaei caught Alistair's eyes as he tried to warm his hands over the tiny sputtering fire that even Morrigan's magic was having a hard time keeping lit. The endless drone of rain on stone and on the lake itself was loud. Only a few paces from the others, and they wouldn't be overheard. It was as if the gods themselves were forcing her to keep her word to herself. It was time to tell him the truth. Kaei gave Alistair a sad smile. He read her look, as he was getting so blasted good at doing and walked over to her.

"We need to talk," she said softly, lacing her hand into the crook of his elbow with the frightening awareness that this was likely the last time he would ever allow it. With the slightest pressure on his arm, he followed. Kaei looked over her shoulder to see Leliana giving her that same strange look. It was almost as if Leliana _knew_ without Kaei ever speaking a word. It was unnerving, that look. Granted, Kaei's nerves were already nearly beyond repair.

Once they were sufficiently far enough away that the others wouldn't be able to hear them over the drumbeat of the rain, Kaei found a flat stone and unceremoniously flopped down. Alistair sat beside her, close enough for Kaei to feel the heat of his body, even through his armor, but not touching her. Not quite.

"You look like there's a demon, right here, right now," Alistair said. "You're scaring me."

"I don't know if fear will be the right reaction to this, but it's a possibility," she said quietly. "I don't even know how to begin."

"At the beginning?" Alistair suggested.

"Fair enough," she replied. She took a shaky breath. "You need to know what happened; how I became a Gray Warden."

"You told me that already," he said. "The mirror and the taint. And Tamlen, who I get the feeling was more than just another hunter."

"True," she continued, slightly intrigued by his insight. Alistair was far wiser than he let on. "But there is more."

"Go on," he said.

"That day I was supposed to be helping Master Varathorn. He was a craftsman from another clan spending time with us to help us build bows and such. I was to help him gather shed halla horns, since I've always had a way with them. But instead, I snuck out into the forest to follow Tamlen. I did that often enough. You see, Tamlen and I . . . well, we'd planned on being bonded, _married,_ once he'd seen twenty summers and was an adult. It was only a month away," she explained. "But there was more than just wolves in the forest that day. We didn't just stumble into those ruins. We were shown the way, so to speak.

"Three human men had found the ruins first; treasure hunters it seemed. We cornered them in the forest and made them tell us what they'd found. Tamlen got this look in his eyes; he had a terrible curiosity for history. And a strong desire to do something important. He would have made a better Gray Warden than I, I think. But that's another tale. Once we'd gotten what information we could from the humans. . . we . . . ," Kaei stumbled over her words.

Alistair reached out and tried to take her hand. She snatched her hands away like he might burn her. A hurt expression flickered into Alistair's eyes.

"Don't," Kaei said. "I have to finish." He nodded, his eyes dark.

"We had our bows trained on them from the moment they appeared. And all I could think of was if we let them go, they'd tell the nearest village where we were. And instead of three inept humans stumbling through the woods, we'd have a mob come to chase us off. Hunters or even children might die. They might take some of the women and rape them . . . this is what I'd been taught that humans did. My own father was slaughtered in the forest when he lay with my mother. A horde of angry humans and _civilized_ elves cut him down in front of my mother. She never recovered and disappeared into the forest before I was even old enough to remember her. How could I just let them go?"

"I ignored the fact that they were unarmed, unarmored. Not bandits, like killed my father. Not even smart enough to run. But all I could see was death. And so, I let loose my arrow. And so did Tamlen."

"We _killed_ them. We killed them for being human, and it was their only crime."

Kaei stopped and fought against the tears that were threatening to come. Hunters didn't cry. Gray Wardens didn't cry. And she wasn't going to cry now.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Kaei said, when he said nothing. She looked up at him, but he was staring out over the water with a strange blank look. "I shouldn't have let you think I was something I'm not. I know what I did was wrong and everything I've done since is to try to atone for what I did. But I know it won't ever be enough. Not even if I stop the Blight.

"Tamlen died because I led him into those ruins. Those men died because of my arrows. My hands are stained with innocent blood. And . . . and I won't blame you if you hate me."

Alistair stood and took a few steps away from her, still looking out over the water. He turned to look at her for a moment, but couldn't meet her eyes. He swallowed, hard. He stood there, still as a statue, backlit as a bolt of lightning lit up the sky. It looked for a moment as if he might say something. Even a declaration of hatred, disappointment, something would be better than this lengthening silence. But then, without a word, he turned and walked away.

Kaei buried her face in her hands. It was done then. But all she could think of was how it felt just the night before when she slept sheltered in Alistair's arms.

* * *

The rain finally let up and the sky cleared. Tiny stars poked out between the fading clouds like crystals in a bed of slate. Kaei shivered. She'd refused to rejoin the others, even when the cold settled in and stole her breath. She sat and stared out over the black glass of the lake.

"Can I join you?" a soft female voice said from the darkness. Kaei's head snapped up as Leliana appeared out of the shadows. She wore a cloak and had another draped over her arm. Afraid that if she spoke her voice would sound as broken as she felt, Kaei nodded silently. Leliana set the other cloak across Kaei's shoulders and sat beside her. Kaei wrapped it around her, wondering who's it was, since she didn't have anything like this. The cloak had a familiar musty smell that she couldn't quite place.

"I don't know what you said to him," Leliana said faintly. "But whatever it was has shaken him."

Kaei snorted.

"I can only guess what it is, but, I think I have some idea," Leliana continued. "And before you ask, he said nothing and we could not hear you. But I recognize the look in your eyes."

Kaei looked up at her, but still not trusting her voice, she just gave Leliana a questioning look.

"I have secrets, too," Leliana said. "And secrets are . . . dangerous."

"They are," Kaei managed to whisper.

"I know you do not believe in the Maker, but it doesn't matter. In the Maker's eyes we are all worthy of forgiveness, no matter what our sins. And I have sinned, Kaei. Quite likely more than you. Yet I found peace and forgiveness in the Maker and Andraste his bride. Are your gods so unwilling to forgive?" Leliana asked.

"No," Kaei said, trying to keep her voice level. "But people are not gods. They can't always forgive."

"I suppose that is true; people are more difficult to understand than a god is. But we have all made mistakes, small, big and sometimes so large they threaten to take everything away from us. I know this," Leliana said. "But before we can find any forgiveness, from gods or from others, we must first forgive ourselves."

"I can't," Kaei said in a small choked voice.

"You can," Leliana replied. "No matter what you've done, I know you have also done much good. And I know you will do more good in the days to come. I see it in you, the same thing that drives me to do good. It's not just to absolve yourself of what you've done. It may feel that way, but that alone is not enough to keep going. Only if your heart is good can you do good, and make the right choices."

Kaei snorted. "I'm not sure I believe that."

"I know it is hard to believe, especially now," Leliana said. "But it is _true_ whether you believe it or not."

"Leliana," Kaei said, looking up at her. "I killed three men, three human men. Just for being human."

"Ah," Leliana sighed. "We are all killers, Kaei. All of us have done so."

"But for so little reason? Just out of fear of what they might do?" Kaei whimpered.

"I . . . I am not ready to tell my own tale, not yet. But I will tell you, I have far more blood on my hands than you, my friend. And if I could find peace and the strength to forgive myself, weak as I am, I know you can as well," Leliana said.

"You aren't weak," Kaei replied.

"Nor are you, and neither is Alistair," Leliana said, setting her hand gently on Kaei knee. "I see the way he looks at you. And what you told him, it did hurt him, but it did not kill what he feels for you. If it had, he wouldn't look quite so much like a broken toy soldier. He would be angry. He is _not_ angry, only sad."

Kaei leaned forward, cradling her forehead in her hand. She had a sudden vivid memory of Alistair's fingers tracing the delicate lines of her tattoo. It was more than she could bear. A tiny sob slipped through her control.

"You love him, don't you?" Leliana asked.

"I . . . I don't know," Kaei moaned.

"I think you do," Leliana replied. "And if you can, then you have already begun to forgive yourself. Perhaps your heart is a faster learner than your mind."

Kaei looked at her incredulously. "What do you mean?"

"Perhaps you haven't noticed, but Alistair is human," Leliana chuckled.

Kaei laughed unexpectedly, although her tears still threatened. "I do seem to recall that." Leliana smiled broadly, her white teeth shining in the pale star light. She put her arm around Kaei's shoulders and squeezed.

"As am I," Leliana said. "Human that is. Sometimes we say that to make a mistake is only _human_ but it applies to us all, no?"

"I suppose it does," Kaei said.

Leliana smiled again. "Come now, back to the fire before you catch your death. It would not do for a mighty Gray Warden to die of plague, instead of fighting darkspawn. It would make for a rather boring story, at the least."

"You have a point," Kaei chuckled.

"Besides, since you neglected to bring a cloak, you will need to get to the fire so you can return this to its original owner," Leliana said, tugging at the heavy fabric across Kaei's shoulders.

"Hm?" Kaei asked, wordlessly.

"It's Alistair's," Leliana said, still grinning. "He was worried you might be cold."


	10. The Spiral Staircase

Morrigan summarily _refused_ to enter the tower.

"Are you mad?" Morrigan spat. "Do you know what those fool Templars wouldn't give to get their hands on me? I would not step into that tower, even if it was the last place in the world not swallowed up by the Blight."

"Fine," Kaei sighed. "You are probably right. Besides, its not as if I'm walking into a fight. I just have to get some mages, and be off again. You do know that they will likely have to bring Templars with them, right?"

"Tis true," Morrigan replied. "But then you will have a mongrel dog and a rather fetching bitch wolf in your party. You are a Dalish; and _creatures_ are forever following us anyway." Morrigan made a point to glare at Alistair for effect.

Kaei gave Morrigan a pleading look. "Please, don't."

Morrigan blew out a breath in frustration. "You _are_ a madwoman," she said. "Of all the . . . it is not my concern, of course. But you seem far too level-headed to be so foolish. You cannot forget, love and beauty are fleeting and meaningless. Survival has meaning; power has meaning."

"If you say so," Kaei said. But Morrigan did have a point. Love was, apparently, fleeting. It had run out of her life like a coward time and again.

"Go on then, and yes, I will keep an eye on your mongrel and your Qunari while you are gone; I will attempt to prevent them from creating too much havoc," Morrigan said. "Now go collect your mages before the ground opens up and swallows us."

With that, Morrigan turned away. Which meant Kaei needed to rejoin Alistair and Leliana and find a way to convince the moronic Templar on the dock to take them to the tower. Alistair still wouldn't look at her, but she did notice he was still conspicuously wearing his cloak, although he'd never worn it before. It was also warm enough that even Leliana had removed hers. Kaei realized there was a sheen of sweat on Alistair's forehead. He wasn't wearing the cloak to stay warm, that was certain. But what it meant? Kaei couldn't be sure. Leliana gave her a knowing wink.

There were some perks to being a Gray Warden, Kaei discovered. Although none too impressed by her stained armor and prominent tattoos, the Templar was easily convinced to take them to the tower. It seemed an odd posting for a man in armor, paddling a little boat across the lake, but Kaei didn't think on it much. That was until she caught the stench of death on the wind as they stepped out of the boat and headed towards the tower.

Kaei had wondered if it was just Morrigan that smelled of lightening, but she did expect all mages would have that fragrance. The coppery smell was there, but it was overpowered by the scent of blood. Alistair looked more nervous than he had before.

"Something is _wrong_," he said softly, finally breaking his silence, although Kaei wasn't sure he was really talking to her. "I can feel it. This place, it always feels strongly of magic, but it never felt like _this_ when I was here before." Kaei had au unnerving feeling she'd heard those words before.

Kaei recalled his tale of the one Harrowing he had attended, right here in this tower. It was a grisly story. A young girl, barely a woman yet, cut down when she could not fight the demon within. Alistair told her that when the demon started to manifest, there was an overpowering scent of burning. Kaei sniffed the air. Blood and lightning. And fainter still, but unmistakably, sulfur.

"Can't anything be easy?" Kaei muttered.

Alistair snorted, glancing over at her. "Not likely."

Trying to ignore the strange lurch in her chest when he looked at her, Kaei stalked to the tower doors and threw them open. The foulness was far worse inside. An older man in well worn armor paced furiously, barking orders. Just beyond him were a pair of double doors. They were barred and barricaded with scraps of broken wood. Two more Templars with naked blades stood just outside, looking quite ready to attack should that door even twitch.

Not like I'm walking into a fight, am I? Kaei thought. Not sodding likely.

* * *

The abominations were ghastly. Not like Connor at all. Whatever that demon was trying to do to him had certainly not yet come to head. These things; there was nothing human or elven about them anymore. They were great hulking things with twisted faces and horrible blackened eyes. Yet somehow the Desire Demon was worse. With her shapely body and grim horns . . and the look in that enthralled Templar's eyes. . . . It shook Kaei to her core. Yes, he did not survive, but death was preferable to _that._ However, nothing she'd encountered thus far shocked her as much as the Beyond, or the Fade, as the mages insisted on calling it.

Duncan. The first human she had ever known, and ever trusted. And here he was, or his face anyway, animated by some dark force from her own mind. She hadn't realized truly until that moment how much she missed his wise silences and his steady presence. But she could spot a trap, when it was in front of her.

The dreamers. She fought with them and against them, bringing down demons at the heart of each dream. She'd never thought it possible; to wield magic was inborn and although in her blood from her father . . . she'd never entertained the idea. But here in the Beyond, magic was different. So she took the shapes the dreamers granted her and killed her way into her companion's nightmares.

The human mage, Wynne, who insisted on accompanying them was locked in her guilt. Leliana too, but hers was more subtle. But Alistair; she expected after freeing the others that he too would be trapped in a dark fear. But instead, he was so . . . content. She hadn't realized he had a sister; she wasn't sure he actually did. But here, in the deepest recesses of his mind, all he wanted was a family and a home. It broke her heart a little to destroy his fantasy. But surprisingly, he did seem genuinely happy to see her, and was willing to listen to reason. As he disappeared out of the Beyond as the others did, she knew it was time to face the Sloth demon who was master of this place. The disappointed look in Alistair's eyes when he realized his family was just a trap was enough to make her think that she might be able to kill the demon with just her will to do so.

And kill it she did.

She awoke on the floor next to the crumbled husk of the abomination and the sad, still form of the mage Niall who had helped her find the way out. She felt a pang of regret for not being able to save him too. Gingerly she slipped the scroll out of his clutched and cold hands.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Creators watch over you."

She turned away from his motionless form to find Alistair helping Wynne to her feet. No one spoke, there was no need. She saw in all of their gazes; Wynne, Leliana and Alistair alike, that she now knew something about each of them that they would have been loathe to share with anyone. It felt like a sacred confidence. She nodded and they all seemed to understand the gesture.

Yes, I know your hearts, Kaei's eyes said. And I will guard your secrets well.

"We must find Irving," Wynne said quietly, but with force. "And the only place left is the Harrowing chamber. Come, this way." Alistair visibly paled. This was clearly not a place he wanted to see again. But he gritted his teeth and followed in spite of his blatant uneasiness.

The Harrowing chamber was at the very top of the tower. It had only one entrance at the top of a short flight of ornately carved stairs. Inside a glassy shield of magic, a Templar cursed and ranted at the base of the stairs.

"Begone, foul demon! You will not break me!" he screamed as they came near.

"Cullen?" Wynne said softly. "Rest easy, help is here."

"If there is anything human left within you, kill me now," Cullen begged, falling to his knees. "You killed my brothers, twisted them into foul things, but I will not be broken."

"We are no demons, come to torment you," Kaei said softly. "Just tell us what's happened."

Cullen blinked at her, his fear melting into anger. "Uldred. He is in the Harrowing chamber, turning the few remaining mages into monsters. You must stop him. Kill him and everything else up there."

"What about Irving?" Wynne asked frantically.

"He is up there as well, but you can't save him. You can't take the chance of what they might do! Blood mages, sneaking their dirty fingers into your mind, abominations and Maker knows what else! Everything in the chamber must die!" Cullen was on the edge of hysteria.

"I won't kill someone for what they might do; never again," Kaei said softly. "Just . . well, just wait here and we will be back for you."

"No one ever listens, not until it's too late," Cullen said, defeated. "I hope your compassion does not doom us all."

* * *

Somehow, killing Uldred was less horrible than she expected. After what she witnessed in the Beyond, this was just . . battle. And battle what something she was becoming comfortable with. And despite Cullen's protestations, there were mages to be saved.

Once Uldred and the other abominations were dead, she helped the survivors back to the entrance to the tower where the Knight-Commander waited for Irving's word. With Uldred dead, the glassy case around Cullen collapsed. He followed without complaint, even helping Kaei support Irving as they descended the seemingly never-ending flights of stairs. But she watched carefully, and his hand never strayed from the hilt of the dagger at his waist. He clutched it so tightly his knuckles were white.

When Greagoir accepted Irving's assurance that the tower was safe, Cullen broke down. He ranted, screamed at his commander until Greagoir finally told him in no uncertain terms to shut up. Cullen's mouth snapped shut like a trap, but his fury was still plain in his eyes. He looked at Irving and Wynne as if any moment they would transform into hideous things that needed to be put down.

After acquiring another stray soul (Wynne insisted upon accompanying her, and Kaei was too tired to put up much resistance) and getting Irving's promise to help her with Connor, she was finally free to leave. As she turned to go, Cullen fiercely grabbed her elbow.

"Watch her closely, Warden," he snarled. "Wynne was in the tower for too long; she may be harboring a demon inside. On twitch, one wrong look and you need to put her down."

"I will not," Kaei spat, whirling around to face him and pulling her arm from his grasp. "Nor will you start to mete out justice for what _might be._" Cullen took an involuntary step back. Stamping down her anger, Kaei sighed sadly, and took a step closer. Cullen visibly flinched. Carefully, she raised her hand, and set it against his cheek. He flinched again as if he thought she might strike him, leaving just a hairbreadth between her hand and his face. Kaei did not move her hand, just left it there, floating in space. Cullen glared at her.

"I know that look in your eyes," Kaei said softly. "I have felt the hate you are feeling. But no good will come of it. I do not know much about your Maker, but from what I have learned, he is a god of forgiveness and justice. You cannot take a life just because of what someone might become or might do. I made that mistake once. It is a mistake that will cost you more than you know." Kaei furrowed her brow. "I can see you are a good man, under all that anger, or you would not be a Templar. But do not let fear blind you to what is right. Be better than I am."

Cullen made a choking sound and leaned his face into her waiting hand. "How?" he asked. "How?"

"I don't know," Kaei replied. "I only know that you must not let your anger control you. The price you pay is too high."

Cullen nodded. "I will try," he said. "And thank you." Kaei patted his cheek, and turned to leave again. Alistair stared at her for a moment. His face was unreadable, but as he turned to open the door, Kaei saw that his hands were shaking.


	11. The Way of the Bow

No point in excessive running to hurry back to Redcliffe. They'd managed the original trip in a day and a half, with the rain delay, but First Enchanter Irving told Kaei in no uncertain terms that it would take at least three days for the mages to get the castle.

It was several hours before dark, but they found a nice clearing with a large pond, well protected from the wind, but easy to defend. Kaei was in need, desperate need, of a bath and some real food and sleep, so they set up camp there. Sten wasn't pleased that they stopped, but he did compliment Kaei on the spot she chose. After a short explanation of her childhood life, he seemed oddly pleased with her. She was never quite sure what to make of him, but accepted his strange backhanded compliment in the way she supposed he meant it.

Kaei set up her tent, but despite the urge to climb inside and hide, she left it be and stalked off into the trees to find dinner. This place wasn't at all touched by the taint, not yet anyway, and the woods were teaming with game. It wasn't long before she'd bagged several plump hares for the pot. She hoped Morrigan wasn't kidding about being able to cook.

It was still daylight however, and Kaei had no urge to return to the camp. With the exception of Leliana's incessant rambling, everyone was awkwardly quiet. Not surprising, since Sten was just quiet as a general rule, Morrigan seemed to disdain the company of everyone except Kaei and Laethie couldn't talk. And Alistair? Well, yes. That silence wasn't surprising either.

It had only been a few days since she'd told him. But already she missed the friendly banter; his clumsy flirting. If anyone had told her how endearing the big human man would be; a man who could have easily been intimidating if he'd wished but instead stumbled on his words and blushed when he spoke to her, she would have never believed them. But there it was. _'Was'_ being the most important part of that thought.

There wasn't anything to be done about it now.

Kaei found a fallen tree just outside the camp clearing. It had been down for a long time and was covered in feathery soft moss. Tiny yellow and white flowers decorated the greenery, and she could hear the contented nibbling of some tiny creature inside. She had a sudden pang of homesickness. She sat down on the ground, leaning her back against the cushion of the moss. Absently, she ran her hand across the moss and bark, reveling in the familiar texture. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. If she didn't think about it too hard, this could be no different from the times she would slip into the woods as a girl, just out of sight of the aravels.

As much as she knew she needed this temporary respite, there was something unnerving about having too much time to think. When it was all adrenaline and anxiety, when it was 'fight now or die' everything made sense. The path was clear then. She was actually proud of herself, at how well she was able to make split decisions, and had, for the moment, managed to keep herself and her companions alive. But this rest now? She had no idea what to do with herself.

Just faintly, she could hear the sounds of the others in the camp. Crackling firewood, footsteps, Leliana singing something. Laethie barked happily, once. Morrigan must have given in and snuck him something from her pack again. Then Sten, saying something in his quiet measured tone. And then a sharp reply. Sten's voice again, grumbling. Then clearly, Alistair.

"What would you know about it?" he snapped.

Sten's voice, louder now. "You humans are so foolish."

"_Humans _are foolish, is it?" Alistair's angry reply.

Sten growls. But says nothing further. Kaei sighed and dragged herself reluctantly to her feet. Best get back before Sten decides to add beating angry Gray Wardens to his list of crimes. She slipped back into the camp to see Alistair stomp off and Morrigan looking overly pleased as she crouched next to the fire. Leliana had a strange half smirk on her face. Sten also looked oddly pleased with himself, which was a very odd expression for him, to say the least.

Kaei dropped the hares next to the fire. "Now what?" she asked Morrigan.

"There is a debate about your gender," Morrigan snickered.

"What?" Kaei said skeptically.

"Ask him yourself," she said, still laughing.

"You are a woman," Sten said suddenly.

"Last I checked," Kaei replied.

"But you also fight," he said cryptically. "Why do you wish to be a man?"

"I don't wish to be a man," Kaei said, raising her eyebrows at him. "I'm just a woman who fights."

"Women are priestesses, farmers and shopkeepers. Men are warriors and soldiers," Sten explained, as if that would make his point clear.

"Some are yes, and some are not," Kaei said. "But also, I'm not a warrior or a soldier either. I'm a hunter. And in Dalish tribes, hunters are men and women."

"So, then you were born a hunter," Sten asked.

"No," Kaei grinned. "I chose to be one."

Sten looked confused. "A person is born; elvish, human, Qunari. He cannot control this, nor the size of his hands, the color of his hair, if he is foolish or wise. Some things just are."

"But a person can choose what they do," Kaei replied.

Sten snorted. "We shall see." Despite his terse words, and seeming inability to smile, Sten did seem pleased by her reply. He nodded to her and walked back the edge of the camp. Although she didn't feel anyone needed to be on watch while they were all awake, Sten seemed to think it was his job to make up for her lack of paranoia. Kaei shook her head and chuckled.

"Okay," she said, turning back to Morrigan, "As odd as that was, I get Sten's confusion. I think. But what was Alistair's problem?"

"He tried to tell Sten the same thing you just did, but he does lack eloquence," Morrigan snicked.

"But why was he so angry?"

Morrigan shrugged. "Don't ask me to figure what goes through that lump he calls a brain."

"You really don't like him, do you?" Kaei asked.

"It's not a matter of like," Morrigan said. "Let us just say that I prefer stimulating conversation. It is, however, entertaining to bait him. But 'tis almost too easy."

"Whatever makes you happy, I guess, but keep the insults to a dull roar, will you?" Kaei suggested.

Morrigan laughed.

* * *

Morrigan could indeed cook. And Kaei was happy for it. She wasn't, however, pleased that Alistair refused to return to the fire. He sat just outside his tent, pitched conspicuously away from the rest, almost frantically polishing his armor. Kaei imagined if he rubbed much harder, he'd wear right through the steel. Once she'd eaten, Morrigan retreated to her tent to study the grimoire Kaei found in the tower. Leliana sat next to Kaei, humming softly under her breath.

"You have to talk to him," Leliana said.

Kaei looked up at Alistair. He was watching her, but when he saw her look up, he went back to polishing again. "I doubt he wants to talk to me," she sighed.

Leliana made a sound halfway between a chuckle and a sigh. "He does, although he probably doesn't know it yet."

"I don't know about that," Kaei said, standing slowly. "But he should eat something, at least. This Gray Warden thing makes you very hungry."

"Yet Alistair has lost his appetite," Leliana said. "I wonder what that means, yes?" She spooned some of the stew into a bowl and handed it to Kaei.

"Don't get your hopes up," Kaei said.

Leliana only grinned. Taking a deep breath, Kaei walked over to Alistair. She tried keep her expression neutral, but had a feeling she was failing. Her ears felt suspiciously hot and her heart pounded in her chest like it was trying to escape from behind her ribs. She stopped a few paces away and he looked up at her. His brow furrowed.

"What?" he asked tersely.

"Here," Kaei said, crouching down and holding the bowl out to him. "I promise Morrigan didn't poison it. It's actually quite good."

Alistair looked for a moment like he was deciding to take it, but then he dropped his hand and looked back down at his armor. "I'm not hungry."

Kaei sighed. She set the bowl down on the ground, and after a thousand reasons not to ran through her head, she sat herself next to him. Probably too close for his comfort, by the way he flinched, but she didn't want them to be overheard.

"Look," she said quietly. "I know you're not happy with me, and maybe even a bit angry with yourself for . . . well, for how you _felt,_ but don't punish yourself over it."

"How I _felt?_" he snapped, looking up at her again.

"Hm, perhaps I was wrong about that too," Kaei said, nearly a whisper. "But either way . . . ."

"What do you want from me?" he grumbled. "That I should just be _okay_?"

"Well, yes," she replied.

"Get used to being disappointed," he snarled.

"Fen'Harel's blood, Alistair," Kaei swore. "If you haven't noticed, there's a Blight to stop. So be angry with me if you want . . . . but we _need_ you. In case you forgot, there are only two Gray Wardens in all of Ferelden. If I die, someone has to finish this."

Alistair glared up a her, the furrow between his brows deepening. "Not sodding likely," he said.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that Ferelden is a lot of trouble if you die, since I shouldn't be leading anyone to lunch," he sighed.

"So is _that_ the problem?" Kaei snapped, goading him. "You don't have the stones to lead, so you've resigned yourself to following a murderer and it hurts your feelings?" Kaei expected him to get angry, but instead, he hung his head.

"No," he muttered. "That's not it, at all."

"I'm sorry," Kaei sighed. "But . . then what? You can't keep on like this."

"What you said to that Templar, Cullen, in the Circle," he said. "Did you mean that?"

"That I regret what I did? That I wouldn't kill Wynne? That he shouldn't go mad and slaughter the rest of the mages?" Kaei said. "Gee, what do you think?"

"I mean, it's just, well . . . ," Alistair stumbled.

"What?"

"You said you understood the hate he was feeling," Alistair said softly.

"I did, I do understand," she said.

"So you hate humans still?" Alistair asked.

"No, of course not," Kaei sighed. "Alistair, I'd never met a human before. All I knew is what I'd been told, and it wasn't pretty. It was hate, but more than that, I was frightened. It's no excuse, but it's the truth."

"Humans killed your father?"

"Yes," Kaei said. "Elves too, though I'd been told that the elves that lived among humans were human in spirit, if not in body. So, yes. Before I was born."

"I guess I'd feel that way too then, if I'd had a real father," Alistair said.

"Well, I didn't have him as a father any more than you had yours," Kaei said. "Maybe less, since you said you did meet your father once."

Alistair sighed. "I guess, what I meant to say, is that, well, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I mean, with all that . . . and I kept trying to . . you know," Alistair said, seemingly unable to finish a thought. "I'm just . . . surprised you didn't . . . ."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I just thought, well, you didn't seem to mind. And all along I was probably just irritating you at best," he said.

"Irritating me?" Kaei asked. "Wait. Are you trying to apologize for _flirting_ with me?"

"Yes," he said. "And failing spectacularly at it, it seems."

"Oh Alistair, " Kaei sighed. "Don't apologize for that." He looked up at her, disbelieving.

"You mean?" he asked.

"I mean that I liked it," she said. "Not that it didn't surprise me, mind you. And not that I didn't feel a bit confused about why, but I liked it. I like _you. _ And believe me, I was not expecting that."

"You do?" he asked, a note of hope creeping into his voice.

"Of course I do," she said. "I honestly wouldn't have told you what I did otherwise. I only did because I thought you needed to know. I couldn't have you think I was something I wasn't. If you were going to . . well, like me for who I am, you had to know who that really is. Even if it meant you were going to hate me instead."

"I don't hate you," he said. "Maybe I should, if I was perfect. But I'm not."

"Good thing, that," she replied. "I'd feel woefully inadequate if you were perfect."

Alistair chuckled, but it sounded a bit like a sob. "It's just that, I mean, I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I have come to . . . care about you, a great deal."

"Even after what I did?"

"Yes, and maybe even a little more, now that you've told me. As strange as that sounds," he said. "Maybe I'm crazy. But I think it's because after all we've already been through together, and how you keep trying to do what's right, even when it isn't easy . . . or maybe I'm fooling myself." He looked away for a moment and then looked back at her under his eyelashes. "Am I? Fooling myself? Or do you think you might ever . . . feel the same way about me?"

"I . . . I think I already do," Kaei whispered.

"So I fooled you then, did I?" Alistair asked, visibly brightening.

"I guess so," Kaei grinned.

"Good to know," he replied. He studied her face, a little half smile on his. His eyes fluttered back and forth between her eyes and her lips. He leaned in a bit, but then started to pull away.

"Alistair," Kaei breathed, leaning in a bit closer. He stopped and leaned in again until they were nearly touching.

"Kaei?" he whispered.

"Don't stop now," she said, reaching over and putting her hand on his knee.

"I just . . I don't want to . . hurt you," he said.

"Then just shut up and kiss me already," Kaei chortled. "Because its feels rather painful that you haven't."

And, good for following orders to the last, he did.


	12. Moonlight on Silver

"Before you go," Teagan said, "I have something for you."

Teagan pulled Kaei aside before they had a chance to leave. There was all new madness to deal with, in the form of heading into Denerim, where Kaei just hoped they wouldn't be killed on sight. To find some chantry brother who had found the final resting place of Andraste. Kaei didn't believe in Andraste, or the Maker per se, well at least not any more than her own gods. But if these ashes actually existed, and did what they were rumored to do, well, she wasn't sure what that was going to mean.

"What's this?" Kaei said, taking the small pouch from Teagan. She opened it and pulled out a silver symbol of Andraste's holy flame. Not unlike the one she'd found in Lothering and given to Leliana. Except this one had been broken and carefully put back together with silver solder. Careful soldering or not, the cracks were still plainly visible.

"Wait," Kaei said, looking at the amulet, "This is Alistair's mother's amulet, isn't it?"

Teagan smiled. "He told you about it, did he? Not terribly surprising."

Kaei raised an eyebrow at him. "Excuse me?"

"I've seen those doe eyes before, although not often enough in my own direction for my liking," he laughed. "But, regardless, I want Alistair to have this back. In case . . in case Eamon doesn't awaken . . . ."

"Then why are you giving it to me?" Kaei asked.

"Because I want you to wait until you are gone from Redcliffe to give it to him," Teagan explained. "He will need some time to think on it before he returns."

"But why? What does this mean?"

Teagan sighed. "Eamon was always very hard on Alistair. He expected almost too much from him. Certainly, he is Maric son, but he was also just a child. After Eamon sent Alistair away . . . he felt very guilty about it. He kept this, and had it repaired with the intention of returning it to him once he took his Templar vows. Of course, that never happened. But nonetheless, the sentiment is still there."

"Hm," Kaei said. "I don't know how he'll take it."

"Neither do I," Teagan admitted. "Which is the other reason I'd like you to give it to him. I get the impression he might forgive you more easily than others, including myself."

"You may just be right about that part, at least," Kaei smiled. "Which shocks me on a regular basis."

Teagan laughed. "No doubt, but I know Alistair. And he is a good lad, with a good heart. And despite his contrary mouth, he is not as blind as he lets on."

"I have noticed that about him," Kaei said.

"And other things as well, I imagine. Since he isn't the only one with the doe eyes," Teagan teased.

"I . . . well, " Kaei stuttered.

"Ah, don't mind me," Teagan said. "But Alistair is certainly a lucky man."

* * *

It was a long road from Redcliffe to Denerim. The first two nights were quiet. The third it rained, and they all had to retreat to their tents early to stay dry. It made Kaei very restless to be trapped under her little shelter of canvas by herself with only Laethie as company. She debated sneaking into Alistair's tent to talk, and perhaps give him the amulet, but she thought better of it. Sneaking kisses when no one was looking was one thing, but she wasn't sure she was ready to be alone in his tent with him. Not yet anyway.

The forth night was warm, and clear. The stars were muted by a brilliant full moon that lit up the sky like a silver lamp. It was beautiful and peaceful. Although Kaei set up her tent out of habit, and tried to crawl inside to sleep it was entirely too depressing to leave the moonlight behind. Grabbing her bedroll, she dragged it just outside the light of the fire and laid down to bask in the pale blue glow. The fire wasn't necessary anyway. Despite traveling north, it was warmer now than it had been for weeks.

The camp was so quiet. The embers in the fire had ceased crackling and even the crickets were muted somehow. There was still the sound of Sten's pacing feet, and the tiny clink of his armor as he stood watch. Kaei wondered if he ever actually slept. She heard a rustle of cloth and rolled over on her belly to see who it was. It was clearly the sound of a tent flap. Alistair popped his head out comically and grinned at her.

"Hi there," he whispered. Kaei grinned at him. "Why are you out there?" he asked.

"Its too nice to be inside my tent. Besides, Laethie snores and hogs the bed," Kaei replied.

"What a coincidence," Alistair said. "So do I."

Kaei snickered. "Why am I not surprised?" Grinning broadly, Alistair crawled out of his tent, dragging a blanket behind him like a petulant child. His hair was askew and he wasn't wearing a shirt, which made it suddenly very hard for Kaei to take a whole breath. She tried not to stare as he came closer and laid his blanket on the ground next to hers and mimicked her position, laying down on his belly and propping his chin in his hand. Kaei tried not to notice how the muscles in his back rearranged themselves under his skin.

He didn't say anything, just looked at her. Kaei realized she was grinning stupidly. She slid her hand up over her mouth and realized her face was very, very warm. Alistair raised an eyebrow at her.

"What?" she said from behind her hand.

"Nothing, well, except that you look very beautiful in the moonlight." He paused. "That was rather cliche of me to say, wasn't it?"

"A bit," she said. "Not that I mind."

"Good," he said. "I have a whole bag full of romantic cliches just ready for such moments."

"Alright, if that's the case, then maybe its just the right moment for this," she said.

"For what?" he asked. Kaei reached into her cleavage and Alistair's eyes widened rather fetchingly for a moment before he realized she was pulling out a little velvet bag. Kaei rolled on to her side, half sitting up and pulled the drawstring on the bag, pouring the amulet into her hand.

"Whatever that is," he said, grinning, "It sure is lucky."

"Is that so?" Kaei replied.

"Very."

"This is for you," she said, holding out her hand.

He took it by the chain and lifted it up. The silver glittered in the moonlight, highlighting the mended cracks. Alistair's mouth dropped open.

"Maker's breath," he said, shocked. "This is my mother's amulet, it has to be. Where did you find it?"

"Teagan gave it to me, before we left Redcliffe," Kaei explained.

"Eamon must have found it after I threw it against the wall. And repaired it. But why would he do that?" Alistair asked.

"He wanted you to have it," she said softly. "That's what Teagan told me, anyway."

"I just don't understand. After the way I left . . . I was so angry. I blamed him for everything," Alistair said.

"Maybe he cares about you more than you realize," Kaei said.

"Maybe," Alistair said thoughtfully. "I'll have to ask him about it if he . . . I mean _when_ he recovers."

"I think that's an excellent idea," she said. "I thought the same thing as soon as I realized what it was."

"Did you remember me mentioning it? Wow, really? I'm not used to people actually listening when I talk," he said.

"Of course I remembered it," Kaei said. Softer, she continued, "You're special to me."

Alistair smiled, slipping the chain over his head. "Hmm, it's warm."

Kaei laughed. "Why do you think I was keeping it in there?"

"To make me crazy?"

"Why ever would it do that?" Kaei asked innocently.

"Well, of course, I have no idea, being an virtuous chantry raised boy and all," he grinned. "So is this the part where the music plays and we start dancing? Because I'm game. Bring on the minstrels!"

"I could always go wake Leliana," Kaei offered.

"On second thought, let's forget the music idea, shall we?" he said. Suddenly he had that heavy lidded look on his face she'd come to recognize as meaning he intended to kiss her. Smiling wickedly, she leaned in closer.

"Hm, not wanting an audience at the moment?"

"Not so much," he said, sliding his hand up her arm to cup her face. He leaned in, and gently kissed her. But instead of pulling away, he increased the pressure and opened his mouth, taking her lower lip between his. Kaei's feet tingled. She slid her fingers into the hair on the nape of his neck and felt herself moving in closer until she realized they were touching from head to foot. The feeling of his warm, solid body against her sent a ripple of chills up her spine.

Kaei leaned back and Alistair followed until he was half on top of her. Tentatively, she slid her hand down his neck and gently along the sleek muscles, finally resting her hand against the small of his back and pulling him closer. He whimpered against her mouth. She thought that if he didn't stop, she might die of pleasure, right then and there. She also thought she might just as equally die if he did.

Kaei bent her leg, rubbing the soft skin of her inner thigh up until it touched the naked skin of his side. Alistair shuddered and stopped suddenly. Kaei blinked at him.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

Alistair shook his head. "No, it's just . . . ."

Kaei took a deep breath. "Do you . . want to go back to the tent with me?" she asked.

"I . . . yes, but I can't, not yet," he said. "Not that I don't want to."

Kaei moved her hand from its intimate position on his back and cupped his face. "It's okay," she said softly. "I can wait."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It hasn't . . put you off or anything, has it?"

"Of course not," Kaei replied. "You just let me know when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere."

"Trust me, you'll be the first to know," he said. "Possibly even before I do."

Kaei smiled. "I'm sure it'll be worth the wait."

"I hope so," he said sheepishly, sliding back to his own blanket. He sat up, and looked as if he was debating whether or not to leave. Kaei sat up and put her hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to go," she said.

"I'm not sure that I don't," he said.

"I promise I'll behave," Kaei said, swallowing a giggle.

"I'm sure," he said. "But will I?"

"Come on," she said, "Just lay down."

With his back still to her, he did as she asked. Kaei smiled down at him, her hand on his arm. He was very tense. This was definitely new. She never expected that her fumbling beginnings with Tamlen would ever make her the more experienced. But she supposed everyone had to have a first time. She felt a little pang of regret, laying here with Alistair, when Tamlen was so newly dead. Only five months since he'd gone to the Beyond.

But five months was a lifetime now. Especially since there was a chance that every day might be her last. And Tamlen would have wanted one thing above all others. He would have wanted Kaei to be happy; he loved her after all. Feeling suddenly very safe, and very content, Kaei laid down next to Alistair and draped her arm over him. He took her hand and kissed it before he relaxed back against her.

"Good night," he whispered.

"Yes," Kaei replied. "Yes, it is."


	13. Blood Trail

"The Warden dies here!" the assassin shouted, his blades singing into the air. Kaei's brain had hardly registered that he was an elf before he charged at her. She managed to pull her own blades in time to parry his longsword. Alistair roared up from behind her, bashing the assassin with the edge of his shield, sending him reeling to his knees.

Although not easy, by any estimation, they managed to fight their way out of the ambush. This was too large a force to intercept just weary travelers. These weren't bandits; this was for Kaei and Alistair specifically. At first she'd wondered if these were just bounty hunters, but it seemed unlikely. They had managed to best them, but not by a large margin. These people were well trained. Luckily, not quite well enough.

The rest of the assassins were dead, but the elf who seemed to be leading them was not. He was laying on the ground, whimpering quietly as Kaei stepped over him, still holding her blades ready.

He moaned. "Oh, I thought I would wake up dead," he said softly. His accent was thick, and his words had a flippant tone, despite being laced with pain. "Or not wake up at all, as the case may be. But I see you haven't killed me yet."

"That could easily be rectified," Kaei snapped.

"Of that I have no doubt," he replied. "I am guessing you have kept me alive for a reason, no?"

"Who are you? Who hired you?" Kaei demanded.

"Ah, so I am to be interrogated, yes? Let me save you some time," he said, glibly, "My name is Zevran. Zev to my friends. I am a member of the Antivan Crows, here for the soul purpose of slaying any remaining Gray Wardens. Which I have failed at, sadly."

"I'm rather happy you failed," Alistair said, crossing his arms across his chest. Kaei gave him a sidelong look.

"As would I be, if I was in your shoes. But for me, it sets a rather poor precedent, don't you think? Getting captured by a target seems a tad detrimental to ones budding assassin career," he said.

"He is an Antivan Crow?" Leliana said, her eyes wide. "They are a well known order of assassins, very powerful. Someone went to great expense to hire this man."

"I am not surprised you have heard of us," Zevran replied. "We are rather infamous."

"Not for being good assassins, I see," Kaei snorted.

"Oh fine, is that what you Fereldens do? Mock your prisoners? Huh, such cruelty."

"Enough," Kaei spat. "Who hired you?!"

"A rather taciturn fellow in the capitol, Loghain I think his name was," Zevran replied casually.

"So you're one of Loghain's men then?" Alistair growled, his teeth clenched.

"I have no idea what his issues are with you. The usual, I suspect. You threaten his power, yes? Beyond that, no, I am not loyal to him. I was contracted to perform a service, nothing more," Zevran explained.

"And now that you've failed in that service?" Kaei asked.

Zevran grimaced. "That is between Loghain and the Crows, and between the Crows and myself."

"And between you and me," Kaei snarled.

"Isn't that what we are establishing right now?"

"When are you to see him again?" she asked.

"I'm not. If I had succeeded, I would have returned home and Crows would have informed him of the results, if he didn't already know. If I had failed, then I should be dead," Zevran said. "At least as far as the Crows are concerned."

"If you had failed?" Alistair snapped at him, reaching for his sword.

"What can I say?" Zevran said mockingly. "I am an eternal optimist. Although I admit the chances of succeeding at this point seem rather slim, don't they?" Then he laughed. "No, I don't suppose you would find that funny, would you?" Kaei glanced over at Alistair. A vein throbbed in his temple.

"Why are you telling us this?" Kaei asked, shaking her head.

"Why not? I wasn't paid for silence, not that I offered it for sale," Zevran said. "And it as not as if it really matters. I am a dead man, one way or another. If you do not kill me, I suppose the Crows will do it for you."

"Why would anyone be a Crow? It makes no sense," Alistair said.

Zevran snorted. "I wasn't given much of a choice in a matter. The Crows bought me on the slave market when I was very young. I was a bargain too, or so I was lead to believe. But don't let my sad story influence you. The Crows aren't so bad. They keep you well supplied. Wine, women, men, whatever it is you fancy. But the severance package is garbage. Keep that in mind if you are thinking about joining."

"Thanks," Kaei sighed, exasperated. "I'll keep that under advisement."

"Listen," Zevran said, a tone of seriousness creeping into his voice. "I failed to kill you, and now my life is forfeit. That's how it is. Like I said, if you don't kill me, the Crows will. And the thing is, I like living and you are obviously the sort to give the Crows pause. So let me serve you instead."

"You must think I'm royally stupid," Kaei said.

"I think you are royally hard to kill," Zevran said. He smirked. "And utterly gorgeous. Not that I think you'll respond to simple flattery."

"Are you mad?" Kaei asked. "Why would I want you service?"

"Because I am skilled at many things. Stealth, picking locks, and usually rather useful in a fight. I could also warn you should the Crows attempt something, more sophisticated, now that my attempts have failed," he replied. "I could also stand around and look pretty if you prefer. Warm you bed."

Alistair made a growl worthy of Laethie.

Zevran gave him a wicked look. "Fend off unwanted suitors, no?"

"Is this before or after you stab me in the back?"

"These things you say," Zevran purred. "They must drive the men back home simply wild. So what will it be? I'll even shine armor," he continued. "You won't find a better deal."

"I can't believe I'm considering this," Kaei said.

"What?" Alistair exclaimed. "You want to take the assassin with us?"

"What do you want me to do? Let him go?" Kaei sighed. "Look, if you want him dead, then you kill him."

"I . . . no," Alistair said, defeated. "Second chances and all, right?"

"There's that," she said softly.

"Still, if there was a sign that said we were desperate, I think it just knocked on the door and said hello," Alistair groaned.

"What do you want in return?" Kaei asked, turning back to Zevran.

"Getting to live would be a good start, and would make me marginally more useful to you," he said. "Beyond that, as I said, I wasn't given a choice about joining the Crows, and the only way out is to sign up with someone they can't touch. And there are worse things than serving a deadly elven sex goddess."

Kaei rolled her eyes. Wondering if this was the true sign she'd complete lost touch with reality, Kaei offered Zevran her hand. He let her pull him to his feet.

"I hear by pledge my oath of loyalty to you, until such a time as you choose to release me from it. I am your man, without reservation. This I swear," he said, giving a half bow.

"Welcome Zevran," Leliana said. 'Having an Antivan Crow join us sounds like a fine plan."

"Oh, you are to be another companion, are you?" Zevran asked. "I was not aware such loveliness existed amongst adventurers, surely."

"Or, maybe not," Leliana replied, suddenly annoyed.

Kaei looked at Laethie who stood at her side, panting. "If he tries anything," Kaei said. "You have my permission to bite his stones off."

Laethie barked happily.

* * *

Leaving their new found friend under the watchful eyes of Sten and Laethie; Kaei, Alistair, Morrigan and Wynne entered through the main gates of Denerim towards the market district. It was . . . depressing. There was a pallor hanging over the city. Having never been there before, Kaei just thought perhaps is was a sad place, but Alistair quickly corrected her. He told stories of a vibrant place, full of life and laughter. And although children still ran about in the streets, even they did not seem as pleased as children usually are.

Just as they passed through the second gate into the market, Alistair grabbed her arm.

"Wait," he said..

"What's going on?" Kaei asked.

"I need to, we need to go somewhere first," he said, so fast it sounded like one word. "Alone."

Kaei glanced up at Morrigan pleadingly. She didn't need to say anything. Somehow, they had developed an unspoken communication. Perhaps it was their similar upbringing in the wilds, or something else, but whatever it was, Kaei was grateful for it. And for Morrigan's strange acerbic friendship; it was, at least, always completely honest. Morrigan shot Alistair an annoyed look, but then shook her head before stewarding Wynne off towards the stalls in the center of the square.

Kaei turned around and gave Alistair a questioning look, once they were out of earshot. Apparently they didn't always need words either.

"Do you remember, my dream, in the Fade?" Alistair asked. "With my sister?"

"Of course," she replied.

"Well, it wasn't completely a dream. I do really have a sister, a half sister anyway. And her name is Goldanna. And, well, she lives right over there," he said, pointing at a run down house near the gate.

"Do you want to go see her?" Kaei asked.

"Yes," he said, "No. I don't know. I've never actually met her before. I'm not even sure she knows I exist."

"Oh, that might be awkward," she said. "What do you want to do?"

"Run screaming to the nearest tavern is what I _want_ to do. But what I should do is go knock on her door. But I was hoping, that maybe, you would come with me," Alistair said nervously.

"That might be even more awkward, you know, long lost brother, scary Dalish elf, pointy sticks and all," Kaei said, trying to lessen his growing anxiety. Alistair forced a smile.

"Humor me?" he asked. And unable to resist him, she followed.

And wished she hadn't.

Goldanna was a bitch. Plain and simple. Even if she didn't want to have a happy family reunion, the least she could have done was be polite when trying to steal his money. Kaei could see in his eyes that he wanted to give it to her, but Kaei dragged him off before he could. She slammed the door closed behind them, still hearing Goldanna's angry cursing through the door. Alistair was not happy.

"I should have done something," he said. "Why wouldn't you let me?"

"Let her rob you, because you feel guilty? I'm sorry, but that's _not_ what family does. If she's only out for herself . . . Fen'Harel's blood, everyone is out for themselves. You need to learn that." Kaei snapped.

Alistair sighed, "Maybe you're right. I just feel stupid. I guess I expected her to accept me without question. Isn't _that_ what families do?"

"Sometimes," she said. "But sometimes, they can't. Sometimes, you just have to look out for yourself." Alistair looked unconvinced. Frustrated, she turned and took a few steps away. Kaei couldn't understand how he wasn't angry. Good hearts and intentions only went so far. She stopped when she realized he wasn't following. She closed her eyes, but didn't look back, just stood there and waited.

"It's just . . . ," he started, "This is the family I've been dreaming about my whole life?"

Kaei turned around. "Look, you don't need her," she said. "There are other people who care about you."

"Like who?" he snapped. "Duncan was the only one who ever cared about what I wanted, and he's gone."

"I care about you Alistair, or did you not notice?" she said, walking back to him. She took his hand and gently laced her fingers through his. He gave a little half-hearted smile and let her lead him away. Just before they reached Wynne and Morrigan again, she heard his whisper.

"Thank you."


	14. Ice

Kaei was cold. Colder than she thought she might ever have been before.

Brother Genetivi's research had sent them into the southern Frostback Mountains, looking for a place called Haven. Kaei couldn't image how anywhere so cold could possibly have such a welcoming name. Even better, they couldn't find any such place on any map, not the most obscure that they found in the Wonders of Thedas back in Denerim. All they had to go on was a hastily drawn scrap of paper pulled from one of Genetivi's notes. And he was no map maker.

Kaei shivered a bit more, realizing that these were the _southern_ and more temperate areas of the mountains. And didn't Alistair say that the entrance to Orzammar was in the northernmost part of the range? Kaei tried not to think about it too hard. Otherwise she was in danger of laying down in a drift of snow and giving up right here, right now.

Despite the heavy wool cloak Leliana had insisted she buy (which she was unbelievably grateful for, not that she'd admit it) the wind still tore through. Kaei had the sneaking feeling that if she unclenched her fingers from the fists they were in, they just might shatter into a thousand pieces. The sun was starting to dip down on the horizon and once it was gone, it was sure to get even colder. They had the good sense to make camp already, but fire or no fire, Kaei wasn't sure she was ever going to be warm again.

Everyone was miserable. Even Sten looked mildly annoyed. However, despite clearly freezing, Zevran's irrepressible sense of humor was working just fine. Kaei was fairly sure it was another sign of her impending mental breakdown, but she discovered that she found bantering with him undeniably amusing.

"By Andraste's bloody . . . ," Zevran stopped short of saying something that would have offended a pirate. "I'm beginning to think perhaps a nice grave in the lowlands would have been better than this."

Kaei grinned wickedly. "Do all assassin's have a death wish?"

"Only the good ones," Zevran laughed. "But I swear, if it was any colder, I might as well be a woman."

"What does . . Holy Maker," Leliana sighed. "I did not want to think about that."

Kaei laughed. At least laughing made her feel a little warmer.

"Don't encourage him," Leliana said, trying to look stern.

"Oh my dear Warden," Zevran said. "Encourage away."

"One would think that the cold would be enough to move the blood away from your nether regions," Kaei said.

Zevran winked. "I have this hot elven blood, surely you understand."

Kaei rolled her eyes. "Hot elven blood is it? Then why am I so sodding cold?"

"I could come over there and warm you," Zevran said. "Although I have a feeling if our other dear Warden returns from his brooding, he would be rather annoyed to come upon such a scene."

"Don't worry Zev," Kaei said. "I'd knock you out cold before you got close enough."

Grinning broadly, he replied, "That makes it somewhat more of an interesting challenge, don't you think?" The look on his face was positively wicked. "Oh, and you do realize, you just called me 'Zev' – does this means we are now friends?"

"Don't push your luck," Kaei said menacingly. She heard the crunching of snow under booted feet and Alistair reappeared. He'd gone off into the trees, what little trees there were up here anyway, to find firewood. And to sulk again. This time, Kaei was starting to get annoyed. But instead of looking pensive, Alistair was smiling. It looked a bit forced, but it was start.

"Ah Alistair," Zevran purred. "You look positively ravishing with your cheeks all red from the cold."

"Pardon me?" Alistair said, setting down his armload of wood next to the fire.

"Well, since I have tried and failed to find a bed warmer from amongst these lovely ladies, I thought perhaps I could convince you to let me into your bed," Zevran said, matter-of-fact.

Alistair looked confused. "Did I hit my head?"

"No," Leliana chuckled. "Zevran seems willing for . . any port in a storm."

"Maker's Breath," Alistair said. "I'd rather snuggle with Sten. Less dangerous."

Zevran burst out laughing. "That I just have to see."

"If it get's much colder, you might just get your wish," Alistair said grinning.

Sten made a strange growling sound. "I would not recommend that."

"Oh come on," Alistair joked. "Apparently, I'm just adorable."

Sten looked unimpressed.

Kaei realized she was grinning, and it was making her cheeks hurt. She shuddered and tried to move closer to the fire. Of course, it she got much closer, she realized she'd be inside of it. Alistair looked down at her with concern.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Sure," Kaei said, looking up at him from under her hood. "As long as I forget about my fingers. And toes. And various other frozen body parts, I'm fine."

"See, this is why we should all sleep together!" Zevran said happily. Alistair looked like he was going to strangle him.

Kaei wanted to say something witty, but gave up and shivered instead.

"What?" Zevran said. "It is a good idea, no?"

* * *

Night fell hard. They all retreated to their tents, and despite Zevran's insistence that they pair off, they went alone. Kaei wondered if he wasn't on to something as she shivered under her blankets. She wasn't going to die, but she wasn't sure she was going to able to sleep either. She pondered going out to the fire, to try to warm her hands again, but a gust of wind fluttered the canvas and she thought better of it. But try as hard as she might, sleep just wouldn't come.

She wanted to blame it on the cold. And certainly, it wasn't helping. But it was a poor excuse. Her mind was racing. This whole quest felt like spitting in the face of the creators. Her people had found and lost their homeland because of Andraste's faith. Of course, the Dales only existed at all because of her. Kaei wasn't sure how to reconcile that. She wished she'd paid more attention to the old tales. Maybe there'd be some wisdom there she was missing.

Kaei wasn't a particularly religious woman, but she was still Dalish. Or at least, she _was _Dalish. She really wasn't sure if they would ever accept her back now. She was almost grateful that the cold forbidding entrance to Orzammar was the logical next step instead of trying to find another Dalish clan. There was a human saying Leliana told her – _you can't go home again _– and Kaei was beginning to think that it was very much the truth.

She started to drift into a fitful sleep when she was woken by shouting. Suddenly alert, she flung back her blankets and sped out of her tent. The others seemed to have the same idea, and she was surrounded by worried faces. But the camp was empty except for her companions. And Alistair was conspicuously missing. She heard a muffled sound coming from his tent.

"Go back to sleep," Kaei said to the others. Leliana gave her a sad look, but it was offset by the displeased look Morrigan shot at her. Despite still being half dressed under her fur cloak, Morrigan didn't seem at all bothered by the cold. Clearly, her annoyance was at being shocked out of sleep by her very favorite person. Someone who was clearly having a nightmare, Kaei thought.

There was another strangled sound from inside Alistair's tent. This one was clearly a sob he was trying to hide. He was awake by now, that much she was sure of. What Kaei wasn't sure of was what to do about it. Should she slink back to her tent and pretend everything was fine? Should she leave him to his misery and talk with him tomorrow? Or should she gather up her supposed courage and go in there and . . .well do something?

A genlock with a tainted sword? An animated corpse and an abomination? No problem. A man inside a tent who was obviously hurting, and made her heart race like she was a running for her life . . . this was a problem she wasn't sure she could solve. But Kaei had never been one to hold back, so she did try to find the little shivering remnant of her courage, and without asking for permission, she crawled inside Alistair's tent and closed the flap behind her.

He was sitting up, his eyes clamped shut, chewing on his lower lip with his hands balled into fists in his lap. He knew she was there, surely, but he didn't move or even flinch when she sat down next to him. They sat in silence for a bit, before Kaei shivered involuntarily. The excitement had made her forget the cold for a while, but the cold hadn't forgotten about her apparently.

"If you're just going to sit there and make me wait," she said quietly, "The least you could do is share the blanket before I freeze to death."

Alistair opened his eyes at the sound of her voice. It was too dark to see much, but even in the half light of the last dying flickers of the fire through the canvas she could see that his eyes were red. He had been crying. And that chilled Kaei. He had been so sad when Duncan died, but never once had he actually cried. Whatever this was . . . and she'd sort of hoped it had been a nightmare of darkspawn and the archdemon. But those just made him pale and resolute, not reduced to tears.

Alistair lifted up the edge of the blanket, and Kaei slipped her legs underneath, surprised to discover how warm it was under there. Maybe Zevran _was_ on to something . . . but before she could finish her thought, Alistair spoke.

"Goldanna," he said quietly. "And my father." He paused, and swallowed hard. "It was just like in the Fade, except Goldanna wasn't a demon, just her charming self. Telling me over and over again how I killed our mother. How I was a failure and an embarrassment. How my father was a rapist. How I was destined to be no better."

"You do know that isn't true, right?" Kaei asked.

"Hah," he snorted. "How do you know it's not?"

"You're actually asking me this question Alistair?" Kaei said incredulously. "To the woman who practically thrown herself at you like a back alley whore, only to be turned down?"

"That's just because I'm a coward," he said with finality. "And certainly not worthy of being the son, bastard or not, of a king."

"What?"

"I can't even begin to tell you how much I have always wanted to just belong somewhere. Not be a dirty sodding secret. And what I said in the Fade was true, I thought becoming a Gray Warden would make me happy, but it didn't," Alistair said. "I think, that maybe I've been unhappy for so long that I wouldn't know how to be happy if I tried."

"That's entirely possible," Kaei said bluntly. "Since you've convinced yourself to be miserable, you are going to be just that."

"Do you think I want to feel like this?" he snapped at her.

"Yes," she replied. "I think maybe you do. Creators know I had certainly planned on being miserable forever. But this strange human kept telling me I deserved to be happy. And eventually, I took his word for it."

Alistair sighed. "Maker's breath, I am a sad excuse for a man, aren't I?"

"No, you're not," Kaei said sharply. "You're just feeling sorry for yourself, and you have to stop it."

"And how exactly do I do that?"

"The same way we all do," Kaei said. "The same way I'm trying to. Do you think this is any easier for me than it is for you?" Kaei gritted her teeth, trying to bite back the angry words that were threatening.

"You sure make it look easy," Alistair muttered.

"Well, don't sodding think it is!" Kaei shouted. She realized that everyone in the camp could hear her, but she suddenly didn't care. "I've lost _everything_! My home, my people, my damned identity! I lost the man I thought I was going to marry and have children with. I got thrown into a human world, to save the lot of you. And how many do you think will thank me for it? How many are just going to see my marked face and think me a savage thing, and hate me for it, Gray Warden or not. Don't think I can't see it in the faces of the humans we've met." She took a deep shuttering breath. "And here I thought I'd be able to rely on _you_ to be the one human who saw me as a person, not just an elf. Not just a Gray Warden, but a person. But you're too sodding busy crying over the loss of something you never had!" Kaei realized she was panting. And she also realized that inexcusable tears were slowly rolling down her cheeks, threatening to freeze.

Alistair looked like she'd just slapped him. His mouth opened and closed several times.

"So don't tell me that you can't," Kaei said finally. "Because if I can manage to not be a blubbering useless fool, I would hope you could grab hold of yourself and do it too. Otherwise, maybe you should just _go_."

"Go?" Alistair said with wide eyes.

"Yes," Kaei replied. "Because I can't fight the Blight if I'm too busy worrying about you."

"Then don't," he snapped. "Worry about me that is. I may be pathetic, but I can still exterminate darkspawn, if that's what you're concerned about."

"Are you really that blind?" Kaei said, her voice catching. "Are you so sodding caught up in your own misery to not see what's going on around you? Alistair, I worry about you because I love you."

"I don't wa . . . wait, what?" Alistair stumbled.

"_I love you_, you bumbling fool," Kaei said. "Even though it's probably the worst idea I ever had."

"You . . . _love_ me?" he asked slowly.

"That is what I said, completely mad as it is," she replied.

"I . . . I can't believe it," he whispered.

"Well believe it, because it's true," Kaei said, feeling as vulnerable as if she was naked. Alistair was still as a stone and couldn't look at her. Her heart made an erratic thump in her chest and her stomach flipped over.

"Well, before I make a bigger idiot out of myself," she said, slipping out from under the blanket into the cold. "I'm going to leave." She crawled up on to her knees, making her way to the flap in the canvas. "I hope you can manage to pull yourself together. At least long enough to get the ashes. And once that's done, then you can do whatever you want. But if you intend on sticking around, I'd appreciate it if you could at least pretend to put your heart into it."

"Wait," he said quickly. "Don't go."

Kaei looked back at him, irritated. She couldn't tell if she was more angry at herself, or him. "Why?" she asked.

"Because I . . . ," he started. Kaei gave him a blistering look.

"I don't need you to humor me," she spat. "Or pity me. Just stop pitying yourself and I'll be happy."

"I'm not," he said. "Trying to humor you. You just . . you just shocked me."

"I can't believe you didn't know already," she said. "I'm a failure at hiding my feelings, or so I've been told."

"I just didn't think . . . I didn't think anyone could actually feel that way about me," he said. "And because I've spent more time than I want to admit to trying to think of a way to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Kaei said.

Alistair grabbed her arm and pulled her back against him roughly. Surprised by his unexpected aggression, Kaei fell back against him and found herself pressed up against his chest.

"Tell you that I love you," he said and before Kaei could say anything, he kissed her.

Kaei pulled back, meeting his eyes. She almost wanted to see a lie there. She wanted to see pity, or lust or something so that she could escape. She was struck by a fear colder than the ice outside. But Alistair's eyes were only filled with blatant, exposed truth.

"You do?" she asked.

"Maker's breath woman," he sighed, crushing her against him. Kaei pressed her face against the warm skin on his throat. "Apparently I'm not the only one that's blind."


	15. Dragons and Promises

It was a dragon.

As if fighting their way through the horrors of Haven (wasn't that name an utter joke?) wasn't enough. And then through the old temple and twisted caverns, slaughtering their way through those barking mad Disciples of Andraste, to find themselves face to face with a high dragon, who was pissed off to boot. Kolgrim had said she'd smell his blood on them. And sod if he wasn't right. The dragon was not happy. Not that she expected a dragon would be pleasant company.

Morrigan screamed something she could just barely hear over the sound of the dragon's roar. Suddenly she felt someone topple her to the ground just as a blast of frigid air streamed over her head. She saw Alistair run at the dragon out of the corner of her eye, bashing at it with this shield. The weight on top of her rolled away and she scrambled to her feet.

Zevran had knocked her down out of the path of Morrigan's spell just in time. He gave her a wink, and threw a dagger from his belt at the dragon. It flew end over end and buried itself in the creature's left eye, just as Morrigan's spell wore off. Flipping her bow from her back, Kaei nocked an arrow and let loose. Arrows sped from the longbow, one after another. It might have looked impressive, Kaei thought, but to her it seemed like everything was moving very slowly.

The dragon reared back as Alistair's sword slashed through the fragile looking membrane of it's wings. It leapt forward, towards Kaei. She let loose another arrow, but it bounced uselessly off the heavy scales on the dragon's armored head. Kaei dropped her bow to the ground and pulled her daggers, but it was futile. The dragon growled and grabbed her in its impossibly enormous maw.

Kaei saw the world flash by as the dragon flung it's head back, taking her with it. She felt teeth pierce through the thin leather of her armor. She heard someone screaming her name. There was a concussive sound and she thought she saw the air around Morrigan waver like the air over a fire. The dragon shook it's head and let her go, flinging Kaei like a leaf in a sharp wind. Kaei saw stars as she hit the ground, driving all the air out of her lungs. She struggled for breath, and tried to get up, but it felt like she was made of broken glass.

A bolt of lightning streamed from Morrigan's outstretched hands, hitting the dragon's face. She watched Alistair plunge his sword through it's ribs, tearing open a huge gash. With a scream, Zevran leapt up over him, his own longsword flashing. He landed soundly on the back of the dragon's head, and in one swift motion thrust the sword and his off hand dagger into the base of it's skull. The dragon opened it's mouth as if to roar again, but instead it felt forward abruptly. Alistair leapt out of the way.

Panting, Zevran pulled his blades. He was splattered with blood. Kaei saw Alistair spin around, frantically. He seemed to be screaming, and Kaei wondered why she couldn't hear anything. And why did he seem so far away? It felt like she was watching a scene from the top of a mountain with a spy glass.

Suddenly Morrigan was at her side, tearing the stopper from a vial of shimmering blue liquid and drinking it in one motion, grimacing. Kaei felt the strange tingle of magic. The world spun a bit. Wobbled. And then pain exploded everywhere.

Kaei screamed.

"Do something!" she heard Alistair howl. Another shiver of magic raced up Kaei's spine. And then the familiar horrid taste of one of Morrigan's healing tinctures in her mouth. Kaei fought the urge to vomit.

The world quivered again.

"Holy Maker, please don't die!" Alistair rasped.

Kaei eyes slid open and she immediately realized it was a bad idea. Her head felt like it was full of rocks and she wasn't sure there was a part of her body that didn't feel like it was on fire. She felt crushed, and it was hard to breathe.

"Not so tight, idiot!" Morrigan spat. Her voice was angry, but it had a alien note of concern. It scared Kaei to hear it. How badly was she hurt if Morrigan was worried?

The crushing feeling lessened a bit, but that didn't make it much easier to breathe. Kaei lifted her eyes. Alistair had her cradled against him. His face was pale under a mask of blood. There was a gash above his right eyebrow bleeding freely. There were clean tracks through the blood on his face. More tears, she thought. Gingerly she raised her hand and touched his cheek, her fingers gently wiping through the blood.

"Thank the Maker," he said softly. "I thought . . . ," his voice caught in his throat.

"She will live," Morrigan said. Zevran was crouched at her side; even he looked mildly distressed.

"Ah, this is good," he said. "It would not do for the Gray Warden to die without my assistance."

Morrigan glared at him. Zevran looked nonplused.

"We defeated a dragon, no? So now humor must be dead as well?" he asked, feigning innocence. Kaei thought she might smile, if her head didn't hurt so much.

Morrigan drifted to her feet effortlessly. "Come," she said. "We can't go further until she rests, and I rest as well, so I can heal her further." Alistair tried to get to his feet, but he stumbled, jostling Kaei in the process. She grunted, and ground her teeth. Shaking his head, Zevran leaned down and took Kaei from his arms, lifting her easily. The slender elf was stronger than he looked. Kaei let her head rest against his chest.

"And this one as well need some healing," Zevran said, gesturing to Alistair. "As much as it will pain you to do it."

Morrigan frowned, but resolutely handed a tincture to Alistair. He looked as if he was going to thank her, but she held up her hand to stop him. She'd do what she must, for Kaei's sake at least, but she wasn't about to bear thanks for it.

Zevran walked slowly towards the half crumbled ruin that once must have been a tower, Kaei still gently cradled against him. He could be surprisingly gentle. Not long ago, he had been ready to end her life, and now he was helping save it. Kaei wasn't sure how to reconcile that.

"I had been hoping to get you into my arms." he said softly, making sure Alistair couldn't hear. "But this is unfortunate timing, since you are likely too weak to be any fun."

Kaei chuckled. "Also too weak to put up much of a fight, as well."

"Hm," Zevran hummed. "I had not thought of that. Perhaps this is good fortune after all, no?"

"I will have a miraculous recovery, I think," she said.

Zevran laughed and kissed her forehead. "I certainly hope so."

* * *

Kaei woke and found that she was very warm and nothing hurt. All her parts felt as if they were in the right place, but she wasn't sure she wanted to open her eyes to find out. She also wasn't entirely certain how she'd gotten so contentedly warm, and since the last thing she remembered was Zevran's arms around her, she was even more disconcerted to open her eyes.

Tentatively, she slitted her eyes open. She was laying near a small fire, covered with her cloak. Her back was pressed up against something large, warm and snoring. She spotted Zevran on the other side of the fire, casually cleaning blood out from under his fingernails with the tip of his dagger. Kaei sighed and let herself relax back against the warmth behind her. Alistair made a little sleepy sound and tightened the arm he had draped over her.

Zevran looked up. "Finally awake?" he asked. Kaei smiled and it didn't hurt. Good sign. She slithered out from under Alistair's arm and sat up, when she realized all she was wearing was a shirt. And it wasn't hers.

"Not that I ever expected to ask you this," she said. "But where's my armor?"

"I'd rather hoped you would," Zevran said. "Ask me about the armor, that is. Although I imagined it would be crumpled at the foot of a fine bed in a Denerim brothel."

"Keep dreaming, Zev," she laughed. "But seriously, where is it?"

Zevran pointed to a pile at his side. "I have it right here. I did manage to patch the holes, although I did think it would look fetching to have some more skin showing in the appropriate places."

"Gorgeous, I'm sure, but somewhat less effective, don't you think?" she said blithely.

Zevran shrugged fluidly. "So practical, as ever. Where's the fun in that?"

"Am I going to have to ask you to give it to me?" Kaei asked.

"You can try," Zevran replied. "But I must decline. Although not the way I had hoped, I am interested by you wearing nothing but _my_ shirt and I would be pleased to see you walk over here in it, nonetheless."

"Fine," Kaei said, standing up and stretching. It was nice not to feel like she was in a thousand pieces. She could feel the hem of the long shirt brushing just below the curve of her bottom. Zevran gave her an appreciative look as she walked over to collect her armor.

"Try to keep your eyes in your head," Alistair growled, finally awake. Kaei raised an eyebrow at him. He looked annoyed.

Zevran grinned maniacally. "Do not be jealous," he smirked. "I will leer at you as well, so you do not feel left out. But you are not ignorant of her charms, yes? It is too lovely a sight not to have a look, at least."

Alistair did not look amused.

Kaei maneuvered her armor on deftly under the shirt. Zevran and Alistair both watched her intently. Kaei felt vaguely like a piece of meat. Slipping the shirt off over her head, she threw it at Zevran, and it hit him in the face. He sniffed it appreciatively. Alistair grumbled.

Kaei shook her head in frustration. "Come on," she said. "Let's get going before I throttle the both of you."

They both readily complied, standing and starting to gather their small camp. Morrigan stood back and watched, leaning against the crumbling walls, looking faintly amused. Kaei walked over to her and stood beside her, mimicking her casual pose. Kaei watched Alistair intently as he fastened the buckles on his armor. She had a sudden pang of feeling that certainly wasn't love, not that it was completely unrelated. She _must_ be healed, if watching him was bringing out that bewildering feeling again.

Morrigan gave her a look. "My, my," she said. "You still haven't."

"What?" Kaei said, looking away from Alistair suddenly and feeling her cheeks heat.

"One would think that he would have bedded you by now, but it appears I was wrong," Morrigan said bluntly.

"Did you really just say that?" Kaei looked shocked.

"I did," Morrigan chuckled. "What I can't understand is why not. You have spent more than one night . . in his tent and near enough to accomplish the deed. Unless he is . . unable."

Kaei sighed. "No, that's not the problem. Apparently, it all comes down to the Chantry."

"Is there any religion that does not rely on guilt, I wonder? No? I thought not," Morrigan said, annoyed. "Not that I understand your fascination with him, but I think it might help relieve the _tension_."

"Leave it be, Morrigan," Kaei said. "Although I do appreciate your intent, it isn't helping. Especially since I am more than willing."

"Perhaps I should talk to him then?" Morrigan offered, snide.

"Oh, that will help," Kaei muttered. "Help send him back to the nearest Chantry to take vows of chastity, that is."

Morrigan laughed. "Do not say I never offered to help."

"I would never say that," Kaei said, suddenly serious. "You've saved my life more than once, I would never doubt your willingness to help. I trust you."

"You _trust_ me?" Morrigan asked, astonished. "That is unexpected."

"You are my friend, aren't you?" Kaei asked. "That's what friends do."

"I wouldn't know," Morrigan replied bluntly. "I have never had a friend before. But I am glad that you think of me as such." She paused for moment. A startling agitated look washed over Morrigan's face. "Tis only unexpected, I suppose. But if we are friends, then I do have something to ask you."

"Anything," Kaei asked. "I owe you."

"You do remember the Grimoire you found for me in the tower?"

"Of course," Kaei said, a vague feeling of unease rising in her chest.

"I had hoped it would be filled with knowledge that Flemeth did not wish me to have," Morrigan said. "And I suppose it did at that, although it is not what I expected."

"You look disturbed," Kaei said softly.

"Disturbed? Yes I suppose that is the right word for it," Morrigan continued. "This tome explains in detail how Flemeth has extended her unnatural lifespan."

"Eating babies and stealing souls?" Kaei quipped, trying to lighten the dark mood.

"That's closer than you think," Morrigan spat. "Although her spirit, with the demon, appears to be immortal, her body is not. It grows old and frail, and it can die. So when she feels this, she raises a daughter, and prepares to take that body as her own."

"You mean?"

"Yes, I recognize it all. The details on the raising and preparation of a vessel for her spirit. I recognize it, because it all happened to me. I am to be her next body," Morrigan said.

"Then what do we do?" Kaei asked. Morrigan's brows shot up.

"We?" she asked. "I . . . need you to kill her, when I am not with you. I can't guarantee that Flemeth would not take my body right then if I was nearby."

"You want me to kill Flemeth?" Kaei said.

"I see no other way," Morrigan said. "But you do not _have_ to do anything, I have no right to ask it of you."

Kaei steeled herself. "You don't have to ask. I will do it. _That_ is what friends do."

"I . . thank you," Morrigan said. "But first it seems we must get these magical remains, and I can only imagine that this path is not to get easier from here."

"Does it ever?" Kaei sighed.

"Indeed," Morrigan replied. "Indeed."


	16. The Way of the Wood

"Be wary," Morrigan whispered. "The veil is thin here, very thin."

Kaei's heart pounded in her chest. She didn't need to be a mage to know something was different about this place. Unlike the rest of the temple, this place was perfect and untouched. A fine layer of dust covered everything, but the seams in the stones were still sharp; the carvings looked as if they had been chiseled into the rock only yesterday. Swallowing her heart, she took a tentative step. The air wavered and a man clad in old fashioned armor appeared out of nowhere. Kaei took an involuntary step back into Alistair. He put his hands on her shoulders. But he was as afraid as she was; his hands were shaking.

"Welcome pilgrim," the man said. "Why have you come here?" His deep resonant voice echoed in the empty hall.

"I seek the Urn of Sacred Ashes," Kaei said, steeling herself and taking another step forward.

"As have many before you," he said. "But first you must brave the Gauntlet and prove yourself worthy."

"But what . . . what if I am not worthy?" Kaei asked softly.

"Then you will not reach the ashes," he said bluntly. "But it is not my place to determine your worth. The Gauntlet does that."

"What is this Gauntlet?"

"You will know, when you face it. But before I open the way for you, I have a question," he said. "I see that the path that brought you here was not easy. I see suffering; yours and the suffering of others. Tell me pilgrim, do you feel that you failed Tamlen?"

"I . . . how do you know about Tamlen?"

"Such knowledge is granted to me," he said. "I ask again, did you fail him?"

Kaei looked at the floor. "Yes, I could have pulled him away from that mirror."

"More guilt," Morrigan spat. "Nauseating really."

"You are too hard on yourself," Alistair said, ignoring her.

"And what about those that follow you," the man continued. "Alistair, Knight and Warden, I see a guilt that tears at you. Do you feel that things would have been different if you had been on the battlefield with Duncan?"

"I . . . yes. If I had been there, I could have done something. If I had died and Duncan had lived, things would be so much better," Alistair said, his voice thick with emotion. On another day, Kaei might have comforted him, but all she could see was Tamlen.

"And you, " the man said, turning his attention to Zevran, "You are an assassin, and have taken many lives. But there is one who was different, when she . . . ."

Zevran cut him off. "Are you asking if I regret?" Zevran said, his voice as sharp as a blade. "Yes, I do. I regret it."

"And you, Morrigan, daughter of Flemeth," he began.

"Begone spirit," Morrigan threatened. "I will not play your game."

"As you wish," the man said. He turned his attention back to Kaei. The air was as silent as a tomb. Then the sound of a heavy door scraping echoed against the cold stone walls. "The way is open. Good luck pilgrim. And may the Maker watch over you."

And with that, he was gone as quickly as he appeared. Behind him, the door was open, a great hall stretching out behind him. Kaei straightened her shoulders and walked through the door.

"Andruil give me strength," she whispered to herself.

The next room was filled with spirits. Apparently, they were those that knew and walked with Andraste in life. They asked their riddles and quietly, Alistair answered them all. As he did, the spirits faded and there was click in the heavy doors at the end of the room as each disappeared. Kaei knew nothing of Andraste, beyond what Leliana had told her. But there was something so very sad about this place. Andraste was clearly a woman willing to sacrifice everything for what she knew was right. Not so different from a Gray Warden actually.

As the last spirited faded away, the double doors swung open with a puff of dust. A shaft of light lit up the next room. And standing in the brightness, there was a figure. A man, an elf, silent and unmoving. His back was to her. Kaei took a few hesitant steps forward. He wore Dalish armor and had a hunter's bow strapped to his back. His hair was golden blonde. Kaei's heart skipped a beat.

"Tamlen?" she said softly. He turned around to face her. It _was_ Tamlen, just as he'd been that day in the forest. Just as he'd looked when she'd held him in her arms and told him she loved him.

"Andaran atish'an," he said. He smiled sadly. "I see it in your eyes lethallin, you wonder, can this really be Tamlen? How can this be, Tamlen is gone . . . but I _am_ Tamlen and I am you, and I am part of the Gauntlet."

"Gods have mercy," Kaei said, trying to keep her feet underneath her. "Tamlen. I wish . . . I wish I could have told you that we looked for you. That I haven't forgotten you. Oh Tamlen, I'm so sorry." Tears sprung up in her eyes.

"You could not have saved me, lethallin," he said, "You must let go of your guilt, and the pain. Remember instead that although it did not end as we both would have wanted, that I _love_ you, and more than anything, I want you to be happy."

The threatening tears spilled down Kaei's cheeks. Tamlen reached out and gently brushed them away.

"I see that you have found love, lethallin," he said. "Do not let your guilt take it away from you."

"Abelas Tamlen," Kaei whispered. "Vir lath sa'vunin."

Tamlen smiled sadly. "And all days, in memory," he said. Tamlen held out his hands. He held a silver medallion, decorated with the winding shape of a skeletal tree. "Take this, though it is not as fine as the crafts of our fathers, it will serve, if only to remind you." Tamlen slipped it over her head, his face close to hers.

"Farewell," he whispered, kissing her cheek with lips as cold as the stones around them.

And with that, he faded into nothing, leaving Kaei standing alone in a shaft of sunlight that was suddenly as cold as ice. Kaei felt rooted to the spot. She heard echoing footsteps and then Alistair voice behind her.

"Kaei," he whispered. Kaei turned around and looked up at him. Her face with streaked with tears. She was silent, but couldn't stop them. Alistair looked down at her heartbreakingly, concern furrowing his brow. He swallowed hard. "Kaei, I'm so sorry."

He folded her into his arms, and Kaei wept against his chest.

"How cruel," Zevran said faintly.

* * *

Apparently, despite her tears and her guilt, and her rather uncertain ideas about the Maker, the Gauntlet found Kaei worthy. With a pinch of Andraste's ashes in a pouch on her belt, Kaei led her companions back down the mountain where they met back up with the rest at camp in the foothills.

Leliana was giddy. She gushed over Kaei and touched the leather pouch with reverence. Kaei felt a bit bad about leaving her behind, when it was obvious how much she would have loved to see Andraste's final resting place. But somehow it felt like it was right to leave her behind. She was already so caught up in her faith, Kaei wasn't sure that it wouldn't have pushed her over the edge.

Kaei should have been happy. In a few days they'd be back in Redcliffe, and if the ashes were everything they were supposed to be, Arl Eamon would be well again, and she would have the first support to help her against the Blight. And perhaps to help her move against that treacherous bastard Loghain who set this all in motion. Instead, Kaei was melancholy and had a strange empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. Not only because of the harsh reminder the gauntlet had given her of Tamlen, but because the just had a bad feeling that the Arl's help was not going to come without a price. Nothing did these days, it seemed.

Alistair gave her a wide berth, although when ever she looked at him, he was staring right at her. And he looked so sad, she hardly knew what to do. She knew what he was thinking. She wanted to comfort him, and tell him that she did love him, even if he wasn't the first to ever be in her heart. But she just couldn't do it. She wanted him to come to her.

Twilight crept over the camp. Kaei sat by the fire and pondered the task she had offered to do for Morrigan. This would be no simple feat, she knew, to slay Flemeth. Both Leliana and Morrigan had told her different versions of the same tale, but even if it was only myth, twisted through time, it left one inevitable conclusion. Flemeth was no one to be trifled with. But if what Morrigan had told her was true, it had to be done. And Kaei had no reason to mistrust Morrigan.

Kaei shook her head, trying to chase away all the myriad of thoughts racing through her. It did her no good to hurt herself pondering things that couldn't be helped. One way or another, she would have to take one step at a time and let the path unfold where it would. She looked up and saw Alistair standing just at the edge of the firelight. She smiled at him, but didn't speak.

"Hello," he said, taking a cue from her smile and coming to sit down. He'd removed his armor, and wore only trews and a rumpled much mended shirt, with his cloak slung over his back against the still cool air. He looked at her curiously, the look of concern still on his face.

Kaei smiled. "Don't look so worried," she said. "I'm all right. Really."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"No," she laughed. "But I'll manage."

"Do you want to talk about it? About him, Tamlen?" he said quietly.

"I . . . ," Kaei started. "You don't have to do this."

"I owe you," he said. "For a lot of things. And I think it's about time I returned the favor."

"Are you sure?" Kaei asked. "I don't know if you want to hear this."

"Well," he said, turning to her. "Let me ask you something then, first."

"Anything," she said.

"Do you still love me?" he asked seriously.

Kaei's brows shot up. "Of course I do," she said.

"Then I can hear any of it," he said. "I'm not stupid. I know that your life didn't start the day you met me, anymore than mine started the day I met you." He stopped and his ears turned a little red. "Although it does feel that way sometimes."

Kaei smiled. "You're sweet."

"I do my best," he said, returning her smile. "So?"

"So," she echoed. "So that was Tamlen, or at least my memory of Tamlen, I think." Kaei sighed heavily. "It wasn't really Tamlen, I know that. But the Gauntlet seemed to take what I remembered about him, and what I wasn't willing to accept. I guess I felt more guilty about it than I realized."

"You are always too hard on yourself," he said. "I mean it, and I meant it when I said it back in the temple."

"I know," she sighed. "It's just my way I guess. I just wish I could have said things to Tamlen; things I'll never get the chance to say now." Kaei looked up as Alistair. He was watching her intently. "But don't think for a moment that I regret _this. _I don't, not for a moment. I do miss him, but I don't want to go back. Even if I could, go back in time and make different choices, take a different path, I'm not sure that I would. Because if I did, I wouldn't be here with you."

Alistair smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Are you sure you really mean that?"

"Yes," she said, reaching out to touch the side of his face. "I mean it. I won't lie and tell you a part of me won't always love Tamlen. But Tamlen . . . he's the past. And . . . I hope . . . ." her voice trailed off. Kaei looked at Alistair, hoping her eyes could say what she couldn't.

"Me too," he said. "More than you know."

"I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow," Kaei said. "But I think we can handle it, if we stick together."

Alistair looked away for a moment, back at the fire. Reflections of the flames danced in his eyes.

"When the dragon had you," he said, still staring at the fire, "I thought I was going to lose you."

"I thought I was going to lose me too, for a moment there," Kaei said, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"And I . . . I've been thinking. And I don't know how to ask you this," Alistair said nervously.

"Ask me what?"

"Look, here's the thing. Being near you . . . makes me crazy," he said, turning back to look at her. "But I can't imagine being without you. Not ever. I don't want to take the chance . . . ," his voice stumbled. "I want . . . I want to spent the night with you. Tonight."

"Spend the night?" Kaei asked quietly. Suddenly it hit her what he meant. He wasn't talking about another night sleeping beside her. She felt her cheeks flush. "Are you sure?"

"I wanted to wait," he said, taking her hand. "I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place, but when will it be perfect? If it was, we would never even have met. We just sort of stumbled into each other and yet I found myself falling for you, despite all the fighting and everything. I . . . I don't want to wait any longer." He paused and took her other hand. "You know I've never done anything like this before, with anyone. And . . . I want it to be with you."

"Even though I'm not human?" Kaei asked.

Alistair chuckled. "Especially because of that."

"I thought you'd never ask," Kaei said, grinning.

* * *

_Andaran atish'an = Enter this place in peace_

_Lethallin = My friend_

_Abelas = I am sorry_

_Vir lath sa'vunin = We love one more day_


	17. A Part of Her, A Part of Him

_This chapter is fairly unnecessary and is lemon scented. If you aren't into that, feel free to skip it, since you know from the last chapter what's going to happen here, and the story will continue again afterwards._

_But I just had to write it. I love the idea of awkward, first time . . you know. So anyway . . . ._

_

* * *

  
_

Alistair kissed her.

Seemingly uncaring for their audience of companions, his lips pressed against hers. His lips parted and his tongue slipped into her mouth, sending a shock of heat down her spine. He pulled away suddenly and looked at her with an intensity that took her breath away. And then, with more confidence than she expected, he took her hand and led her back to his tent without another word.

Kaei giggled nervously as he held open the canvas for her. He offered her a stilted half bow, and gestured inside. Kaei looked up over her shoulder to see Leliana grinning at them maniacally.

The tent was just tall enough for him to stand in. Once inside, they just stood there for a moment, staring at each other. Alistair seemed afraid to move. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but Kaei silenced him with a gentle finger over his lips. He kissed her finger reverently and closed his eyes.

Kaei closed the small gap between them, reaching up and unfastening the brooch holding his cloak closed, letting it fall to the ground behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face against his chest, feeling his arms move, one softly against the curve of her back and one hand tangling itself in her hair. Kaei slid her hands up underneath the hem of his shirt, his skin hot and feverish under her questing fingers. Her fingers explored the soft skin of his back; it was like the finest suede, somehow more appealing for it's decoration of scars. Kaei smiled and helped him pull his shirt off over his head. The shirt joined his cloak in a pile on the floor.

She gave him a nervous grin and let her hands explore him further, as she'd wanted to for what seemed like so long. His shoulders, the strong muscles of his chest and slowly down the sculpted ridges of his stomach. Her hands reached the top of his trews and Alistair took a deep shuttering breath.

Urged into action, he reached out for the laces that held the top of her leather armor together, but his fingers fumbled. Smiling slowly and trying to hide the nervous butterflies in her stomach, Kaei untied the laces and pulled them away. She shrugged her shoulders, letting the leather fall to the ground, only a thin piece of fabric between them. She took a shaky breath and then let the cloth fall as well.

"Maker's breath, but you're beautiful," Alistair whispered, crushing her against him. The sensation of her bare skin against his made her knees weak and she knew that if his arms had not been as tight around her waist, she would have crumpled bonelessly to the ground. His lips were on hers again and the Blight and all the rest of the world disappeared.

Alistair's lips moved from her mouth to her neck, along the ridge of her collarbones. His hands slid up from her waist to her ribs, moving slowly and tentatively. He looked at her with blazing eyes, but his hands stopped. They were shaking. Again, he looked as if he might speak, but this time he seemed unable to make any words.

"Touch me," Kaei whispered. "I am yours."

Alistair made a strangled sound and buried his face between her breasts. His breath was like dragon fire on her skin. The gentle, hesitant touch of his mouth on her skin made her whimper. Unable to wait any longer, Kaei pushed him away and fell to her knees, her deft fingers making short work of the laces on his trews. She closed her eyes as she slid the fabric down over his narrow hips. She heard his sharp intake of breath as the cloth brushed over him. Opening her eyes, she took a good long look.

Gods have mercy, she thought.

Lifting her eyes up, she grinned at him wickedly. She leaned forward and the kissed the velvety soft skin at the junction of his hipbone and thigh, his erection hot against her cheek.

"Holy Maker," Alistair breathed, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her to her feet. "Let's not end this before if begins, shall we?" he said, trying to smile. Kaei nodded and stepped just far enough away so he could get a good look at her. Keeping her eyes on his, she unlaced the leathers around her waist. The remainder of the flimsy coverings fell away until she stood before him just as the creators had made her. A slow hungry look spread across Alistair's face.

Kaei stepped forward again, pressing her lips against his chest, right over his heart. Alistair took her face in his hands, lifting her up to look at him. He kissed her forehead and her eyelids, then her lips with such tender passion Kaei though she might weep.

In one fluid motion, he slipped his arm under her knees, picking her up and cradling him against his chest. Alistair sunk to his knees and set her down on the bedroll. Kaei spread her legs instinctively and he lay down in between as if he'd always belonged there. She felt the heat of his body throbbing against the tender skin of her thigh.

Alistair looked down at her, hesitant again. Kaei cupped his face in her hand, looking up into his golden eyes. The fire wove shadows through the canvas, dancing across his features as delicately as her hands had. Kaei reached down between them, taking him into her willing hand. He closed his eyes and made a supplicating moan.

He was silk over steel. Just like his spirit was.

Guiding him, his eyes still locked on hers, he moved forward slowly. Kaei gasped as he slid inside of her. She dug her fingers into his shoulders. Concern washed over Alistair's face.

"Am I hurting you?" he said softly.

"No," Kaei breathed. "You could never hurt me."

Alistair made a strange sound, half way between a sigh and a sob, sliding back and then forward again, sending a convulsive shudder through them both. Kaei wrapped her arms around him as he pressed his face against her neck.

"Oh Maker, I love you," Kaei heard him whisper over the frantic beating of her heart. His hips moved, slowly. So slowly. It felt like her very breath was stolen by each movement of his body against hers. Kaei could feel the muscles in his back tense, his jaw clenched. He stopped suddenly, an uncontrollable shiver running through him.

"I can't . . . ," he moaned against her neck. Kaei was unable to take enough of a breath to speak, but let her body communicate for her. She pressed her hips up against his, nearly lifting him up in her passion.

With a cry, Alistair pulled away one last time and buried himself inside her. His moan caught in his throat. Kaei felt herself respond to the pulsing of him, her own body convulsing in echoing movements.

"Alistair," she whispered breathlessly.

His arms snaked their way under her back as he rolled over on to his side, moving her with him. As if she was a part of him and he was a part of her. His eyes were open, searching her face. His lips are parted, just slightly. A tiny smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

"I had no idea," he murmured.

"Neither did I," Kaei replied.

He grins again. "You know," he said. "According to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now."

"That so?" Kaei said, her grin mirroring his.

"Yup, lightning first, then the end of civilization as we know it. I'm a bad, bad man," he laughed. "You know, the rest of our little party is going to talk, they do that, you know."

"First smart comment and I feed them to the darkspawn," Kaei chuckled against his chest.

Alistair laughed deep in his chest. The rumbling sound felt like heaven against her face.

"See," he said. "This is why I love you."


	18. Hand in Hand

The effect of the ashes was miraculous. There was no other word for it. One moment Arl Eamon was barely clinging to life, and the next he was pacing frantically in his hall, horrified by what had happened while he was ill. Kaei was equally elated and conflicted about how well the ashes lived up to their myth. But she would have given anything to hang on to her confusion, considering what Eamon said next.

"We need someone with a stronger claim to the throne than Anora," Eamon said.

"You aren't speaking of Alistair, are you?" Teagan asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"I wouldn't suggest such a thing if we had an alternative," he replied.

What Kaei wouldn't have given to have a brilliant alternative. Once the worlds were spoken, she looked over at Alistair who'd turned a wan shade of green. But true to his nature, he squared his shoulders, swallowed and accepted it. He didn't want to be king, that much was clear, but it seemed he knew his duty, even if it turned his stomach.

Eamon sent them on their way then, out to collect the rest of the allies in the Gray Warden treaties while he planned for the Landsmeet. Kaei couldn't wrap her head around what had just happened. The night before, she thought she'd found the one thing she'd wanted all her life. Love. The one thing that might be able to heal the pain Tamlen's loss had given her. Something she never thought was possible between a human and elf; something that could change the way her path was laid at her feet.

And now it was about to be swept away like leaves in a whirlwind.

Alistair was quiet. Very quiet. Kaei wanted to talk with him about what had just happened, but the expression in his eyes stayed her tongue. Instead she tried to busy herself with traveling. They were headed north again, towards Gherlen's Pass at the northwestern tip of Lake Calanhad where they would head back into the frigid mountains to the entrance to Orzammar, the seat of the dwarven kingdom.

Until now, they had always seemed to walk in the same, almost planned ranks. Kaei, Alistair and Laethie at the front, with Leliana and Zevran chatting behind them, Morrigan walking reluctantly with Wynne and Sten at rear guard. But not today. Alistair hung back with Sten, seeming to revel in the big Qunari's stoic silence. Laethie hung back with him, walking at heel by his side. Bonded to Kaei or not, Laethie seemed equally enamored of Alistair.

Kaei found herself sandwiched between Leliana and Zevran who both seemed intent upon distracting her from her melancholy.

"These markings of yours are much like Kaei's . . . I find they have a certain appeal," Leliana said, gesturing a finger to the curved tattoos on Zevran's face. "They remind me of how we used to paint our faces in Orlais."

"Ah," Zevran purred, "But these are not just paint. What was it you Dalish call this?"

"_Vallaslin_," Kaei replied tersely. "Blood writing."

"Kaei told me that hers are in honor of her patron goddess and symbolic of the Dalish," Leliana said. "Do yours mean anything to you Zevran?"

"Some do," Zevran explained, "Some symbols are sacred to the Crows. I am not permitted to tell you what they mean. Others are there to accentuate the lines of the body." He chuckled. "It's curves and musculature. It is hard to explain with armor and clothing on."

"But I don't recall seeing many markings on your body," Leliana remarked. Kaei raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, no, of course not," Zevran laughed. "They are not in the places you have yet seen. I can show you, if you wish. Both of you." He grinned lasciviously.

"Err... no, I think not," Leliana said. Kaei snickered.

"Is this a problem?" Zevran asked as innocently as a chantry brother.

Leliana snorted. "Not at all. I am merely content looking at the markings on your face, that is all."

"You are no fun," Zevran laughed. "Have it your way. Should you change your mind . . . ."

"You'll be the first to know, don't you worry." Leliana giggled, playfully snaking her hand around Kaei's back and smacking Zevran in the head.

"What about you, my dear Warden?" Zevran asked, rubbing the back of his head. "Or do I risk more injury to my person?"

"I'll try to restrain myself," Kaei said, trying to put a jovial tone in her voice and failing miserably. "But I will pass, on both options."

Leliana and Zevran shared a look. Leliana was frowning. Unfamiliar lines appeared on Zevran's forehead. He sighed.

"Please my dear," he said softly. "If my unrelenting flirtations do not make you smile, I am at a loss as to what to do."

"I appreciate the effort," Kaei said. "Both of you, but I'm not in the mood for smiling."

"Is there anything we can do?" Leliana asked. Kaei looked over her shoulder. Sten and Alistair were far enough away that they couldn't be overheard. She bit her bottom lip.

"I . . . I don't know what to do," Kaei said, as quietly as she could manage. "I'm afraid Wynne was right."

"How so?" Zevran asked. "What did she say to you?"

"She said," Kaei started. "She said a lot of things."

Leliana sighed in irritation. "She is an old woman," Leliana said. "And perhaps she is wise in some ways, but not in all."

"I can't dismiss it," Kaei replied. "She said that duty might . . . part us. And it seems that she is right."

"Why?" Zevran asked genuinely. "What would Alistair being king have to do with your _intimate_ relationship?"

"I would think that was obvious," Kaei snapped. "I'm an elf, and last I checked Ferelden is a nation of shemlens . . . I mean humans." Kaei looked at Leliana apologetically. "I'm sorry, I'm just . . . ."

"No need to apologize to me," Leliana said, putting her arm around Kaei's shoulders. "It _is_ unfair, in many ways. I never realized how much, until I met you. In Orlais, the elven servants seemed so content with their lives, it never occurred to me that they might want more. I suppose I am as guilty as any of forgetting that elves are people, the same as humans or dwarves or qunari."

"Perhaps we are," Kaei said. "But Thedas is not yet ready to see it."

"This is true," Zevran said, uncharacteristically sad. "No matter how much we wish it to be otherwise. To most we are like beautiful animals. Useful, talented, lovely, but animals nonetheless."

"And you are afraid that the King of Ferelden cannot have a consort that is an elf," Leliana said.

"I don't need to be _afraid_," Kaei said. "It is simply the truth. No matter what happens, even if I alone end this Blight somehow, I will always be an elf."

"Have you spoken to Alistair about this?" Leliana said softly. "Because a king can make choices that other men cannot."

"No," Kaei said, shaking her head. "He won't speak to me. And I keep thinking that he is just trying to find a way . . . ."

"I will kill him," Zevran snarled. "I will kill him if he hurts you."

Kaei stopped dead in her tracks.

"What?" she said. Her eyes were wide as saucers.

"I owe you a life," Zevran said, suddenly serious. "And I will not see you hurt by _politics_. I have seen quite enough of that to sicken me for a lifetime. In Antiva, life is cheap and the life of an elf is worth less than nothing. But you are not like those elves, living under the yoke of human masters. You are not even as I am. I see you for what you are; a free creature, deserving of your freedom. And you deserve better."

"Come," Leliana said, urging them forward. "Let us keep moving before we create a scene. I do not think assassination is necessary. Not yet, anyway."

"I can't believe the two of you," Kaei said angrily. "What I want doesn't matter here. What matters is uniting this gods-forsaken country before the darkspawn swallow us all, human and elf alike. And if that means duty comes before . . . before love, then that is as it must be."

Zevran growled. "So be it," he said. "But . . . ."

"But nothing, Zev," Kaei snapped. "Let it go."

"We must not get ahead of ourselves," Leliana said. "Perhaps you might speak to him before you have decided what he must do. Is that not his choice?"

"Not if I make it for him," Kaei mumbled.

"Is that truly what you want?" Leliana asked.

"Of course not," Kaei said, louder than she intended. "But what choice do _I_ have?"

"You have many choices," Leliana said. "You always have choices. You can choose to take the chance at getting hurt to experience love. It is what always happens when you allow yourself to love. There is always the chance of pain."

"Hmpf," Zevran snorted. "Which is why love has no place in the life of a sensible person."

"Is that so?" Leliana said. "Have you never been in love? Have you never felt love?"

"Enough to know that I do not have any need of it again," Zevran snapped.

Kaei sighed. "Thanks," she said sarcastically. "You two are a great help." She thought they might be offended, but they were two busy glaring at one another and seemed to have forgotten she was there. Kaei sped up her pace, letting them fall behind where they continued to exchange angry words for a while.

She tried to ignore what they were saying, letting their voices become as insubstantial as the wind. It was easy enough for a time. But then Zevran's voice choked and Leliana replied softly.

"Oh Zevran," she said, her voice like a gentle caress. "I'm so sorry."

Kaei looked back over her shoulder at them. Zevran was strangely flushed, and Leliana was as equally pale. More odd than that, Leliana was holding Zevran's hand with gentle reverence. And Zevran didn't seem to mind.

* * *

Alistair appeared out of nowhere, grabbing Kaei's arm. "We need to talk," he said brusquely.

Kaei gave him a look.

"Please," he said, his voice softening. Kaei nodded.

"This is as good a place as any to make camp," she said. Sten stopped and appraised their position.

"It will do, although perhaps we could find somewhere more defensible," Sten said.

"Yes, well, I'll leave that bit up to you then?" Kaei suggested. Sten nodded, leading the others away. Kaei noted that Leliana and Zevran, although no longer touching, still walked very close together. Leliana gave Kaei a small knowing smile over her shoulder.

"Well," Kaei commented. "That's unexpected."

"What?" Alistair asked, his snapping back to look at her. He had been staring out over the road.

"Leliana and Zevran," Kaei said. "They seem to have become very close." Alistair grunted noncommitally. Kaei did her best to ignore him. "It's actually rather cute, don't you think?"

"I don't want to talk and Leliana and Zevran," he snapped.

"Fine," Kaei sighed. "Let's get this over with then."

Alistair looked stricken. "Over with?" he echoed.

"Isn't that what you do want to talk about?" Kaei said, narrowing her eyes.

"I . . . no," he said. "I don't . . . want anything to be _over with_ except the Blight."

"Do you think we get to have that choice?" Kaei said. Her voice was emotionless. It wasn't easy.

"I don't know," Alistair sighed. "Eamon wants to make me king at the Landsmeet. I don't know what that means . . . for _us_."

"I can't imagine . . . ." Kaei started.

Alistair cut her off. "Look, I said I don't know what it means. But I do know that I don't want to let you go," he said quickly.

"I don't want to let you go either," Kaei said softly, looking down at the ground. "But do we actually get to make that choice for ourselves?"

"I sodding well hope so," Alistair said. He reached out and grabbed her chin, tilting her face up to look at him. "And if we do, I know what choice I want to make." He paused and took a deep breath. "I'm not like Zevran; I don't just _say_ things. When I said that I didn't want to be without you, I meant it. And right now, I need you more than you know."

"Why?" Kaei managed to whimper.

"Because I know hardly anything about being a king," he explained. "But I do know that a king needs good people behind him. No one can be king alone, not a good king anyway. And you are just the sort of person a good king needs, I think."

Kaei blinked. She fought to find words, but discovered she had nothing to say.

"I know its terrifying," Alistair continued. He chuckled, "Maker knows I've been on the verge of soiling my smallclothes for days. But I do know that no matter what, I don't want to be without you. You need to trust me."

"I do trust you," Kaei said. "I'm just so afraid." She sighed. "Some Gray Wardens we are."

Alistair grinned. "We're what they've got," he said. "And _we_ will do this." He paused and grinned again. "Together."

Kaei nodded.

"So lets not do this stupid _not talking_ nonesence again, shall we?" Alistair said, "It makes me crazy."

Kaei was about to reply, when they were interrupted by a shrill giggle. They both turned to look to see Zevran straddling Leliana in the wreckage of a tent. They were wrestling playfully. With a grunt, Zevran found himself flipped on his back. Leliana laughed uproariously.

Alistair raised an eyebrow at Kaei. "The chantry sister and the assassin, eh?" he snickered.

"No stranger than the King of Ferelden and a Dalish elf, is it?" Kaei grinned.

Smiling broadly, he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close. "You have a point there, my dear," he replied, kissing her forehead. "You did tell me I was a strange human once, didn't you?"

"I do seem to recall that," she said, snuggling herself up against his chest. "Apparently strange is the new normal."

Alistair chuckled. "I'm all for that."


	19. Blighted Ground

The next weeks passed in a blur. Orzammar. The dwarven kingdom was in uproar to rival the civil war above. And despite Kaei's desire to stay out of it, they'd been forced to involve themselves to get the help they needed. So now, the Aeducan bloodline was ended, and Lord Harromont was the King of Orzammar.

It all seemed very strange to Kaei. Bloodlines.

To the Dalish, blood was important, but not in the way it was to humans and dwarves. All Dalish blood was pure; and even the flat-ears could become pure by pledging their hearts to their ways.

_We are the Dalish: keepers of the lost lore, walkers of the lonely path. We are the last of the Elvhenan, and never again shall we submit._

But bloodlines were exactly what Kaei was seemingly trying to preserve by putting Alistair on Ferelden's throne. And as terrifying a thought as it was, it was clear to her that he would make a good king. Not that she really knew what a good king should be, of course. But what could be better than a good and man; a man who'd come to understand that all on Thedas; human, elven, dwarven and qunari were as deserving of freedom and peace as the next.

Still, there was a cold pit in Kaei's stomach. They were traveling along the western border of the Brecilian forest, freshly come from battle with Flemeth, searching for the Dalish. As difficult as the battle with the witch had been, and the frightening familiarity of her shape-changed dragon form had been, that fear paled in comparison to what was coming.

_You can't go home again, _Leliana's words echoed in her head.

Adding to her unease, that the land here was tainted; blighted. There were few darkspawn about, but Kaei wasn't sure she would have been able to sense them even so. The taint here was so strong. The land rotted under their feet. The trees were skeletal, the earth blackened. And there was a humming in the back of Kaei's head she couldn't block out. Alistair could hear it too; she could tell by the stricken look in his eyes.

As much as she hated the idea, they couldn't walk forever. They wouldn't be able to clear the tainted area before nightfall. They would have to make camp here, amidst the fetid earth. Although the others couldn't hear or feel the horror of the taint as keenly as Kaei and Alistair did, they looked equally troubled by the idea of sleeping here. But there was no other choice. If they kept moving, they'd all be too exhausted to protect themselves.

Zevran and Leliana walked close together behind Kaei and Alistair. Leliana was pale as a sheet and clung to Zevran's arm for dear life. He was uncharacteristically quiet but seemed comforted by her close presence. Despite their matching agitated expressions, they seemed to find solace in one another. They looked happy somehow. Kaei wondered if that was what others saw when they looked at her and Alistair. She hoped so.

Camp was quiet and tense. Although before now, they had all made the pretense of having separate tents, it seemed fear had drawn them closer together. There were only four tents in the camp. Even Morrigan seemed loathe to put her normal distance between herself and the others. She snapped when Wynne suggested they share a tent, but she accepted it. That alone would have been enough to frighten Kaei, as if she wasn't already overwrought.

The dreams had been so bad since they entered the blighted area, she wondered if she'd ever truly sleep again. But she tried; they all did. Once the sun set, the land here was so eerie, they all quickly retreated to their tents. Kaei almost hoped to hear the newly familiar sound of Leliana and Zevran's none too subtle love making but there was nothing. Kaei shivered and tucked herself closer to Alistair where they clung together in their tent.

"I don't want to sleep," Alistair said softly. "I am so sodding tired of these dreams. It's like my joining all over again every time I close my eyes."

"Me neither," Kaei replied. "But we need to try. I can't imagine that we won't run into more darkspawn and we need to be able to fight."

"I know," he sighed. "But sometimes I feel more tired after the dreams than I would if I just stayed awake."

"I understand, I do," Kaei said. They were quiet for a while. They were both jittery. Kaei wished it was for the same reason it had been on nights prior when their new found intimacy made them too aroused to sleep. Those bleary mornings had been well worth it. But now, it was all Kaei could do to keep from shivering. As appealing a thought as it was, making love was the last thing she thought either of them were capable of at the moment.

Alistair sighed irritably. "Maybe I should go stand watch with Sten," he said. "I'm not helping you fall asleep. And it doesn't seem that I can."

"Don't go," Kaei said, gripping the front of his tunic tightly. "Then I'll never sleep."

Alistair make a small contented sound. "Somehow that makes me feel better."

"Good," Kaei said. "Maybe we shouldn't try so hard to sleep. Do you want to talk instead?"

"Hmm," Alistair pondered. "Why don't you tell me more about your people. I don't want to say something stupid when we find them."

Kaei chuckled. "Don't worry, they'll be so shocked about their sister choosing to be with a human, they probably won't hear a thing you say."

"Are you worried about it?" he asked seriously.

"A little," Kaei said. "But I'm not ashamed. I love you. Because you're a good person. If it doesn't matter to you that I am an elf; if I want the world to see that I am a person, then I can't behave like you are not."

"Good to know," he said. "But I still wish I knew more."

"Alright then," Kaei said. "I was never big for history; that was Tamlen." Her voice caught a little when she said his name. Alistair tightened his arms around her.

"I do know a little," she continued. "Why don't I tell you the story of the Fall of Arlathan. This one I've heard so often, I can recite it just as our storyteller did. It doesn't speak too kindly of humans, but maybe . . it will help you understand the Dalish better."

"And you, I hope," he said.

Kaei cleared her throat. "Before the ages were named or numbered, our people were glorious and eternal and never changing. Like the great oak tree, they were constant in their traditions, strong in their roots, and ever reaching for the sky.

They felt no need to rush when life was endless. They worshiped their gods for months at a time. Decisions were made after decades of debate, and an introduction could last for years. From time to time, our ancestors would drift into centuries long slumber, but this was not death, but Waking Sleep. In Uthenera.

In those days, our people called all the land Elvhenan, which in the old language means "Place of our People." And at the center of the world stood the great city of Arlathan, a place of knowledge and debate, where the best of the ancient elves would go to trade knowledge, greet old friends, and settle disputes that had gone on for millennia. But while our ancestors were caught up in the forever cycle of ages, drifting through life at what we today would consider an intolerable pace, the world outside was changing. The humans first arrived from the north. I know it is not something that the humans today will accept, but all the ancient accounts of our people that can be found agree it is so: one day the humans came from elsewhere, into a land where they had never been before. We called them shemlen, or "quicklings". To our ancestors, the humans were pitiful creatures whose lives blinked by in an instant. When they first met with the elves, the humans were brash and warlike, quick to anger, quicker to fight, and they had no patience for the slow pace of elven diplomacy.

But the humans brought worse things than war with them. Our ancestors proved susceptible to human diseases, and for the first time in millennia, elves were dying of natural causes. What's more, those elves that spent time bartering and negotiating with humans found themselves aging, quickened by the humans' impatient lives. Horrified at the prospect of losing their way of life forever, the ancient elves immediately moved to close Elvhenan off from the humans for fear that this "quickening" effect would crumble their civilization.

Perhaps they believed that ignoring the shemlen would make them go away. Perhaps they assumed that two peoples could simply live in peace, remaining ignorant of each others' ways. Perhaps they meant no insult, or perhaps they meant to start a war. We know very little of the time that followed, only that the time of ancient Elvhenan was gone forever.

The human world was changing. Clans and tribes gave way to a powerful empire called Tevinter, which came upon Elvhenan to conquer it. When they breached the great city of Arlathan, our people, fearing disease and the loss of immortality the humans would bring, chose to flee rather than to fight. With magic, demons, and even dragons at their behest, the Tevinter Imperium marched easily through Arlathan, destroying everything that had existed for ages. Our people were rounded up as slaves and taken from their ancestral home, the quickening driving itself through their veins and making them mortal. The elves called to their ancient gods, but there was no answer.

As to why the gods didn't answer, our people had only a legend. They say that Fen'Harel, the Dread Wolf and Lord of Tricksters, approached the gods of good and evil and proposed a truce. The gods of good would remove themselves to heaven, and the lords of evil would exile themselves to the abyss, and neither group would ever again enter the others' lands. By the time they realized the Dread Wolf's treachery, they had been sealed away in their respective realms, never again to interact with the mortal world. It is a fable, to be sure, but those elves who travel the Beyond claim that Fen'Harel still roams the world of dreams, feasting upon the unwary as a glutton at his lunch, all the while keeping watch over the gods lest they escape from their prisons.

Whatever the case, Arlathan had fallen at the hands of the very humans our people had once considered naught but pests. It is said that the Tevinter mages used their great and destructive power to force the very ground to swallow Arlathan whole, removing it from the world just as it was soon to be removed from the minds and hearts of its people. All records and artifacts lost to them forever, the whole of elven lore was trapped in the fading minds of a people who would soon forget what it meant to be an elf.

Andraste. To you and to your chantry, she was a prophet. To our people, however, she was an inspiration. Her rebellion against Tevinter gave our people a window through which to see the sun, and our people reached toward it with all their strength. The rebellion was brief but successful; the death of the prophetess did not end our fight, and we fought on for independence even as the human Imperium began to crumble. In the end, we had won freedom and the southern reaches of land known as the Dales.

It was a home, a new chance to gather and rebuild all that we had lost. In our centuries of slavery we had lost our immortality, our language, our culture, our crafts… but never our sense of belonging to each other. From across Thedas we came to the Dales. We walked on foot, sometimes crossing thousands of miles with naught but our will to sustain us. Many of us perished on the Long Walk, but those of us that arrived at our new home were all the more determined.

There, in the Dales, our people revived the lost lore as best they could, and even turned to worship the old gods in their ancient prison. They called their first city Halamshiral, "the end of the journey," and founded a new nation, isolated as elves thought they must be. They created an order called The Emerald Knights and charged them with watching the borders for trouble with the humans.

But you already know that something went wrong. Our ancestors' worship of the old elven gods angered the Chantry, which constantly sent missionaries to our land. The Chantry wanted to convert our people to their worship of the Maker, but the Dalish would not submit. In protest, a small elven raiding party attacked the nearby human village of Red Crossing, an act that prompted the Chantry to attack and, with their superior numbers, conquer the Dales.

We were not enslaved as we had been before, but our worship of the ancient gods was now forbidden. We were allowed to live among the humans as second class citizens and worship their Maker, slowly forgetting once more the scraps of lore we had maintained through the centuries. Those that refused were forced to wander, landless and friendless in their wagons, across a world that told them they were unwelcome.

Those that wander became the Dalish, the last clans that refused to set aside our pride and live in the alienages set aside for elves in human cities. We wander the lands in our aravels and tattoo the symbols of our gods on our faces to pronounce to all who see us that our beliefs are sacred, and we shall never surrender them.

We keep to ourselves. Our way is not to do battle with the humans unless we must.

Our way is to gather what bits of our culture and our language we can find, to guard them carefully and preserve them – for the day will come when we have a homeland once again. And when that day comes, we shall be ready. Our brethren in the cities who have forgotten, they will come to us on that day and we shall teach them. They will learn the ancient magic of the Keepers, the crafts of our masters and the language of our ancestors. And we shall not make the same mistakes again.

We are the Dalish: keepers of the lost lore, walkers of the lonely path. We are the last of the Elvhenan, and never again shall we submit.*"

Kaei's voice faded off. Alistair's breathing had become slow and steady and she thought for a moment that her tale had finally sent him to sleep. She wasn't sure if she should be offended or pleased. But then he spoke.

"It's very sad," he said quietly.

"It is," Kaei replied. "But Thedas is full of sad stories."

"I hope ours won't be one of them," he said.

"Me too," she sighed. She pressed her face into the hollow of his throat and closed her eyes.

And sleep came.

* * *

Kaei woke to the sound of her own screaming.

The archdemon. Darkspawn like waves of blackness. She could swear she could still hear them, even awake. Then it hit her that she _could _still hear them. They were under attack! Alistair woke and realized the threat just as she did. Grabbing weapons and not bothering with armor, they both sped from the tent in such a flurry that it collapsed behind them.

Kaei nocked and arrow and let it fly, the shaft burying itself in the neck of a hurlock. She saw Sten swinging Asala around his head in an arc, severing the heads of two more. A shrill piercing scream shattered the air.

"Shrieks!" Alistair screamed over the din.

Kaei swung around, face to face with one of them. It was twisted and black, it's long talons reaching out for her. With a shout, Kaei bashed it across the face with her bow. It fell to it's knees, stunned by the impact. Grabbing the dagger from the hurlock she felled, she charged forward. The blade buzzed against her skin as she slashed the shriek's throat. Black ichor splattered through the air.

"Andraste's flaming sword," Zevran cursed. Kaei turned to see him pulling his longsword out of the remains of another shriek. He too was covered into blood, but wore only his smallclothes. It vaguely registered in the back of her mind that the tattoos on his face continued down his body, disappearing into the cloth. He grimaced, putting his hand against his ribs. Some of the blood he was splattered with was his own. Leliana appeared at his side like magic, pouring a salve onto the open wound. Zevran grimaced again as the wound slowly closed.

Kaei dropped the dagger she'd been holding. The darkspawn blade had left a red welt in the palm of her hand. She stared at it blankly. There were no more screams now, just heavy breathing and small grunts of pain. Kaei steeled herself and looked up. Half asleep or not, she needed to make sure the darkspawn were all defeated. When she looked up, she spotted a small figure, standing on the edge of the camp. It was a darkspawn, her blood told her that much. But this was different somehow. The figure didn't move to attack. It didn't seem to move at all.

Kaei stalked forward, raising her bow and nocking an arrow. Perhaps it was stunned or confused by some spell of Morrigan's. Either way, it was a darkspawn and it had to die. Her eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness. She came into range of the creature and prepared to loose her arrow.

"Kaei?" the creature gurgled.

She dropped the bow, the arrow planting itself deep into the ground. Suddenly weak, her fingers lost their grip. The longbow fell with a thump.

"Tamlen?" Kaei said. Her mouth fell open.

"Lethallin," Tamlen whispered. "Creators. . . don't come any closer. I am sick. I . . . I don't want you to see me like this." He turned to flee. Kaei regained her senses enough to chase after him. She grabbed his shoulder. His skin hummed under her palm just as the darkspawn dagger had. He slowly turned to face her.

He still wore his Dalish leathers, but they were torn and tattered, coated in black blood. His hair was gone and his skin was mottled black and violet like a terrible bruise. But the intricate lace of his tattoos still stood out on his marbled skin.

"Oh gods," Kaei whimpered. "Tamlen. Don't be afraid, let me help you."

"You cannot help me," he said. His voice was strangled, wet. "It is too late for me. I can hear them now, I hear _him._ He sings to me."

"Please," Kaei said. "There must be . . . something . . . ."

"No," Tamlen whispered. "Too late. I watched you, followed. I want peace. Please . . . end this."

"I can't! Don't ask this of me!" Kaei shouted. "_Shue shah tauthau toetoi thuet!_"

"Always . . . loved you _lethallin_," he said, pulling a dagger from his tattered belt. He turned the point towards himself. Slowly, he reached out with his other hand and put his hand against Kaei's face. "I am . . . so sorry."

Before Kaei could react, his hand sped to her shoulder and he pulled her abruptly forward, the weight of her body pushing the dagger through the leather into Tamlen's chest. Kaei felt his blood spill over her hands. She looked down in horror, realizing his blood was as black as pitch. Tamlen felt to his knees and Kaei followed, just managing to cradle him against her as he fell. He looked up at her, his eyes still the same beautiful violet-blue trapped in a body ravaged by the taint.

"Always . . . ," he sputtered, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. "Always . . . loved you."

"Tamlen," Kaei wept, "I love you, please . . . please don't leave me again."

"_Abelas_," his voice was barely a whisper now. "_Vir lath_ . . . ." He coughed and a spray of blood splashed from his mouth. "_Vir lath sa'vunin._" His eyes rolled back into his head.

Kaei screamed inarticulately and clutched him to him to her. His blood soaked them both and pooled on the ground beneath them, seeping into the earth. Kaei felt a gentle hand touch her shoulder and she jerked away, snapping her head up.

Alistair took a step back. "What is . . . oh Maker," he whispered, understanding dawning in his eyes. "Is that?"

"Tamlen," Kaei sobbed, dropping her head to rest on Tamlen's unmoving chest. "It's Tamlen."

"Oh Kaei," Alistair moaned, sinking to his knees beside her. "I'm so sorry."

He draped his arm over Kaei's shuddering shoulders, the other coming around and helping hold Tamlen's body against her. Kaei turned her head to look at him. She couldn't speak. Tears coursed down her face.

Alistair swallowed. "It is a mercy," he whispered. "He is at peace now."

Kaei tried to reply, but her voice came out in a strangled croak. "If only," she managed to whisper. "If only I'd looked harder. Duncan might have been able to save him too."

"Maybe," Alistair said softly. "Or maybe not. All I know is that he came to you to grant him peace. Tainted or no, he died happy. With you."

"I . . . ," she stuttered.

"Shhhh," Alistair hushed her. "I know you love him. I will never ask you to stop."

Alistair held them both for a while, the hushed voices of their companions like the wind through the trees. Kaei felt the warmth of Tamlen's body slowly fade until he was as cold as the ground they knelt on. Slowly her tears spent themselves, leaving behind only a painful ache behind her ribs. After what seemed like an eternity, Alistair spoke again.

"Once we are beyond the blighted ground," he said. "I will help you bury him. And plant a tree in his honor. I owe him that, for loving you."

"What do you mean?" Kaei murmured.

"I understand how he loved you and why he came for you," he said. "I would have done the same thing. I know I would not have blamed you, if this happened to me. And I know he did not either."

"How can you know that?" Kaei whimpered.

"Because I know what it means to love you," he said. He kissed her temple, and then leaned over and kissed Tamlen's cold face, seemingly obvious to his tainted flesh.

"What is it that you say?" Alistair asked. "When you say farewell?"

"Creators speed you on your way," Kaei whispered.

"Yes, that was it," Alistair said. "Creators speed you on your way Tamlen, and may the Maker watch over you."

With a sob she didn't even know she had left, Kaei buried her face in Alistair's chest. He held her in silence, Tamlen's cold body still cradled between them.

* * *

_* This is taken almost word for word from the Dragon Age codex. I considered re-writing it myself, but in a culture of oral tradition, it is common for stories to be memorized word for word and only change a little from one story teller to another. So I made only a few changes. Kaei might not be a story teller, but being Dalish is still important to her._

_Shue shah tauthau toetoi thuet – I don't want to kill you_

_Abelas -- I am sorry_

_Vir lath sa'vunin – We love one more day_


	20. Fearsome Pretty Things

"Andaran atish'an sister," Mithra said. "It is good to see another of our kind, we do not see enough . . . ," she paused, her voice turning cold. "But you have _interesting_ companions. What business do you have here?"

"I come on behalf of the Gray Wardens," Kaei said. Mithra's eyes narrowed.

"Gray Wardens," Mithra echoed. "Ah, that would explain your shemlen and flat-ear fellows, I suppose. Let me take you to see Zathrian then." She motioned for them to follow.

Kaei swallowed. _You can't go home again._ Leliana was right. But what she wouldn't have given to have Leliana's steady presence with her now. She glanced back at Zevran. He seemed to be having the same idea. She thought maybe they'd be less suspicious with another elf in her company, perhaps ignore the human man and old mage. But Mithra's eyes told her otherwise.

Kaei had heard of Zathrian. Every Dalish had. The first to rediscover the immortality of her ancestors, or so it was believed. He'd been alive for centuries, and knew more of the ancient ways than anyone alive. She wondered what he would think of her. A Dalish who's lonely path was no longer of the Elvhenan. A path now of the Gray Wardens; a path hand in hand with a human. Would he be more forgiving knowing a new tree grew in the Brecilian Forest, reaching towards the sun? A second tree in honor of Tamlen and all he stood for planted equally by her hands and those of her human friends? Yet unlike the first, his body lay beneath this one, finally at rest. Would Zathrian understand?

The moment he came into view, Kaei was intimidated. He was tall and lank, the pale dome of his head hairless, his tall forehead decorated with the most intricate tattoos Kaei had ever seen. His eyes blazed when he saw her companions. He grit his teeth, but had the tact not to say anything. She was no longer a Dalish in his eyes, that much was clear. She was a Gray Warden, and nothing more.

He seemed so flippant in sending them into the forest and into the veil torn overgrowth looking for Witherfang. There was something he wasn't telling them. Kaei could feel it in her bones. But she wanted to trust him; she needed to trust him. So she took his word and led them towards the shadowy trees at the edge of the camp, past the stone visage of Fen'Harel who stood staring into the darkness.

"Wait!" Lanaya said, grabbing her arm fiercely. This was Zathrian's first, the keeper in waiting should he ever choose _in uthenara. _ Her eyes were blazing. "I must speak with you."

Kaei pursed her lips. "Yes?" she said, her teeth clenched.

"I want to know," Lanaya said. Her cheeks flushed. "I want to know about these companions of yours."

"What?" Kaei asked. "We," she continued, gesturing to Alistair, "Are Gray Wardens. These are our friends. What else is there to know?"

"This one," Lanaya said, pointing at Zevran. "Is a flat ear."

Zevran growled. Lanaya ignored him.

"This one is a mage," she continued, dismissively gesturing to Wynne. "And this one is a human, a Gray Warden and obviously your lover."

"Excuse me?" Alistair blurted. "Did you . . . . "

"Are you going to deny it?" Lanaya asked. Kaei tried to interrupt, but Alistair spoke first.

"No," he said seriously. "I won't deny it."

Kaei shot daggers at Lanaya with her eyes. "What business is it of yours?"

"It _is_ my business, as the first of a Dalish clan, it is my business to make sure all Dalish do their part in continuing the clan. And keep our bloodlines strong."

"Are you afraid I'll come home with my tail between my legs and a human bastard in tow?" Kaei spat. "Well, there's nothing to worry about there. I am a Gray Warden. I will not be having any children, human or elven. And I have no intention of returning _home_ if this is what I can expect as a welcome."

"I am so disappointed in you," Lanaya said grimly. "You are . . . not one of us any longer. You consort with shemlen, intrigue and politics. You are human now, in spirit if not in body."

"How _dare _you?" Kaei snapped. "You were not born among the Dalish. How dare you propose to tell me what it means!" She growled; a feral aggressive sound. "Yes, I love this man, and his race does not matter to me. Nor should it. How can the Dalish ever expect to be free if they cage themselves with hatred?"

"So you wear chains willingly, do you?" Lanaya said, seemingly oblivious to Kaei's words. "And this is how Arlathan fell. I will not allow you to drag us back into their barbarian world."

"I have no chains," Kaei growled. "Only honor, something you know nothing about. I once thought that we Dalish were better than the humans, but I see we are as hateful and small minded as the worst of them. If you say I am no longer one of you, so be it. If you are what it means to be Dalish, then I am _not._ And glad of it." Kaei snarled. "But still I will go into this creator forsaken wood and find Witherfang. _I_ will save your hunters, since you are too cowardly to do it yourself. This will be my last service for the Dalish. Once that is done, I will simply be a _person_ and a Gray Warden. And I will be better for it!"

Lanaya snorted. "Creators watch over you, _outsider._"

* * *

"I cannot," Zathrian panted. "I cannot defeat you. No more."

Kaei scowled down at him. _This_ is what it meant to be Dalish perhaps. This unending hatred, this pain for something they could no longer even remember. But also defeated, and weak. Kneeing in the dust, paying for blood magic and bitterness with life and spirit alike. It would be the death of him, Kaei knew this.

"Finish it, kill him now!" Swiftrunner growled.

"No Swiftrunner, we will not kill him," The Lady of the Forest intoned softly, her sibilant voice echoing in the chamber. "If there is no room in our hearts for mercy, how may we expect there to be room in his?"

"But I cannot do what you ask," Zathrian replied. "All I can see is the faces of my children, my people. How can I let this go unpunished?"

"Don't you think they have been punished enough?" Kaei said suddenly. "The crimes committed against your children were horrific. I do not deny this. But those that committed them are long dead. We cannot continue to hate; _we can not._"

"I am too old to know mercy," Zathrian sighed, his voice heavy. "Perhaps I have lived too long. This hatred in me is like an ancient gnarled root. It has consumed my soul."

Kaei's heart broke just a little at the pained sound of his voice. She knelt down beside him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Zathrian, " she said softly. "_Hahren_. Do not let the legacy of our people be one of hatred. We were a great people once, ancient and immortal. We won't gain that back by being cold and bitter. I have learned this, traveling in the human world. Yes, there are many there that hate too, but not all. There is goodness there. Denying it only lessens us further."

"You . . shame me _da'len_," he whispered. "How is it that you have found your way to let go of your hate, when I have lived so long and it has only grown stronger?"

Kaei looked back at Alistair over her shoulder. "I have replaced hate with love, _hahren_. There is no other way."

Slowly, the Lady of the Forest, _Witherfang_, knelt down beside them. "You are my maker, Zathrian. You gave me form and consciousness where there was none. I too have known hatred and love, and all the other pleasure of mortality. Yet of all things, I desire nothing more than an end. I beg you maker, put an end to me. We beg you. Show mercy."

"I am an old man," Zathrian said finally. "Alive long past his time."

"You will do it then? You'll end our curse?"

"Yes," he replied. "Yes, I think it is time. Time for all the Dalish to let go of this hatred that consumes us." He turned to Kaei. "Take my words to the clan, once I . . . am gone. I do not wish for their hatred to consume them, as it has consumed me. Let us be free, in all ways, at last." He turned back to the Lady. He smiled sadly. "Let us put an end, to all of this."

He gave Kaei one last sad look and then slowly a peaceful smile slid across his face. Raising his staff, he sighed and slammed it into the ground, the wood splintering in his grasp as he fell to the ground. Kaei looked up as the Lady gasped, her mouth open in grateful surprise.

"An end," she whispered, as her form wavered. Flowers burst from her skin in sparkles of golden light. Slowly her form coalesced into nothing more than a glow and then the glow faded away. The werewolves all fell to their knees and a blinding white light erupted forth. Kaei squinted her eyes at the brightness, but it faded as quickly as it came.

When she could see again, the werewolves were gone. In their place there was men and women. Human again at last. Kaei gave a long shuddering sigh.

"It's . . . over," one of them said. It was a man who stood where Swiftrunner had been. Kaei could see in his eyes that it was the same being. Though the form was different now, he had the same eyes. But now, instead of anger and rage, those eyes were filled with relief. "She's gone, and we're human! I can scarcely believe it!"

"What will you do now?" Kaei asked.

"We'll leave the forest I suppose. Find other humans . . . ah I . . . thank you," he said finally. "We will never forget you for this. And we will remember your words. We will not let hatred drive us again, I swear this to you."

"I can ask for nothing more," Kaei said softly. With that, they fled the ruins, rightfully desirous to be free of the place. Kaei couldn't blame them. She turned to find Alistair smiling at her broadly.

"You never cease to amaze me," he said. Kaei cocked her head at him. "And I thought I couldn't love you any more," he continued. "But here it is."

Kaei smiled. Even here, with Zathrian's body at her feet, in ruins long worn by time, with all the death and sorrow of an ancient curse still lingering in the air, she was happy. Perhaps it was madness, this. But if this was what madness felt like, she welcomed it.

* * *

Lanaya spoke words for Zathrian as they committed his body to the ground. There was still an angry edge to her words, but his death and the truth of the curse had blunted it some. Her face was pale under her tattoos. Once the words were spoken and the others finally began to retreat in silence, Lanaya turned to Kaei at last.

"So it is done then," Lanaya said. "The curse is ended."

"It is," Kaei said. "With great cost."

"A price we would have paid much dearer, if not for you," Lanaya sighed. "Perhaps I was wrong in my judgement of you."

"No," Kaei said abruptly. "You were not. I am not one of you, not any more. I could not come home again, even if I wished it."

"No? Do not be so quick to make that choice. We . . . I, would be honored to count you among my clan," Lanaya said apologetically.

"I know," Kaei sighed. "But I am too changed to try to go back. On this path that I now walk, there is no going back. Only forward."

"I suppose that is the way of all true paths, winding though they may be, one can never walk the same footsteps again," Lanaya said.

Kaei chuckled. "You are a Keeper to the core. Speaking in poetry already."

"I do that," Lanaya smiled. "And I do have one last poem to share with you. It is a warning perhaps, one you may not heed, but I must."

Kaei furrowed her brow.

"It is an old verse, told of the humans by our ancestors," Lanaya explained. "Like dragons they fly, power on wings. Like dragons they savage, fearsome pretty things."

"Don't," Kaei snapped. "They are not."

"Aren't they?" Lanaya replied tersely. "What of this man that follows you? Is he not equal parts love and savagery? What will happen when this is all over and you no longer have a common goal? Will he still look at you with adoring eyes or will you become a painful inconvenience?"

"Never," Alistair said, interrupting them.

"You say this now, but I _know_ who you are," Lanaya spat.

"And who is that?" Alistair rumbled.

"You are to be king of the humans, are you not?" Lanaya said. "And what can an elf be to a human king?"

"I . . . ," Alistair began.

"Enough!" Kaei shouted. "It is not your concern, _Keeper. _I will walk where this path leads. Your words will not change it."

"As you wish," Lanaya sighed. "But take care that your path does not lead you to ruin."


	21. Alistair and the King

_This chapter is rather short, but the scene . . well I just couldn't get away from it. I pondered keeping this more in the timeline of the game, but considering the way the characters have become in my little AU, it just didn't make any sense that it wouldn't come up before things were . . . settled. So yes. Here it is._

* * *

Alistair looked for all the world like he was about to walk into the Black City itself, not accompany Arl Eamon to Denerim. It seemed that in his mind it amounted to the same thing. Kaei knew there was nothing she could say that would make it any easier on him, or on herself for that matter. Lanaya's question kept replaying itself in her head. And no matter how many times she heard that question, she just didn't have an answer for it.

_What can an elf be to a human king?_

What indeed. Kaei knew exactly what she was to _Alistair_. She didn't question that for a moment. A man in love with an elven Gray Warden is nothing to get terribly excited about, rare though it might be. But a King? Is that even possible? Alistair seemed to be pondering the same thing. Although they made it a point to not avoid each other as they promised, it was awkward. When the Arl's servants sent them predictably to separate rooms, they both fled to their privacy.

They'd be leaving for Denerim in the morning, which gave them one sorely needed night of rest. More than rest, Kaei was looking forward to a hot bath. Despite what some people thought about the Dalish, they weren't wild, unwashed creatures. It had always been a rough hewn wooden tub, behind screens at the back of an aravel. Certainly her childhood bath wasn't as grand as the steaming copper tub in the corner of this room. As she slid down into the warm, foamy water, Kaei realized there were some advantages to life inside a building of stone.

The scent of the water was sweet, but not cloying. Flowers. Andraste's Grace, Kaei realized and very faintly roses. She had a rush of butterflies in her stomach once she recognized the scent. She wondered if she'd ever smell the perfume of a rose again without thinking of Alistair, or manage to think of him without feeling that the earth had been pulled out from under her feet. Kaei closed her eyes, resting her arms on the rim of the tub, trying to ignore the trembling ache behind her ribs. Kaei felt herself drifting into sleep. She thought for a moment about getting out of the tub before she did, but the idea of leaving the soothing water was as abhorrent as a darkspawn.

There was a soft rapping on the door.

"Yes?" Kaei said sleepily.

"It's me," Alistair's voice came through the door.

Kaei felt her cheeks flush. "Come in," she replied. The door creaked open and then closed with a quiet click.

"Are you hiding?" he asked quietly.

Kaei chuckled. "No, I'm in the tub behind the screen."

"Oh," Alistair said. Kaei could hear the smile in his voice. "That makes my day better already." His head peeked around the corner of the screen. He was grinning, but then he gave her a mock pout.

"No fair," he said, coming around the side of the screen and kneeling next to the tub. "Bubbles."

Kaei stuck the tip of her tongue out between her teeth and tried not to laugh. "You poor thing," she said coyly. "Whatever will you do?" She fought her grin and failed. No matter how dire the situation, Alistair had an uncanny knack for making her forget all about it. For a moment or two, at least.

"I have some ideas," he smirked. "But before I . . . get distracted, I need to talk to you."

Kaei grimaced. "Why do I have a bad feeling all of a sudden?"

"Don't," Alistair said, putting his hand over hers where it rested on the rim of the tub. Kaei looked at him questioningly, but didn't speak. "I've been thinking a lot," he continued. "About _us_."

"Gods have mercy," Kaei muttered, looking down into the water with a sullen expression.

"Stop it," Alistair snapped. Kaei couldn't bring herself to look up at him. He sighed and sounded frustrated.

"Look," Kaei said finally, "I don't expect you . . . ."

Alistair cut her off. "I said stop it. And I mean it." Kaei snapped her head up and glared at him. Alistair cocked his head and sighed again. "Please. Just listen," he murmured. "This isn't what you think."

"What is it then?" Kaei asked, trying very hard to meet him eyes without wavering.

"I want to give you the choice," he said. "I don't want . . . I don't want to walk into this blind. I'm not so foolish as I look."

"What choice?" she replied.

"I would very much like to live in a perfect world," Alistair continued. "You know, the one where we all stand in a circle and hold hands and have all the cheese we want. But you and I both know that isn't the real world."

Kaei gave him a half hearted smile.

"The thing is," he said. "I think I have to be King, even if I don't want to. If I don't, then Ferelden will fall and the Blight will swallow us all. I never thought I'd feel like this, but it's the only way."

"You're right," Kaei replied, her voice raspy.

"And no matter what I say or do, or how I scream about it, the nobility . . . well, they're going to have a hard enough time accepting a bastard as the King. I don't think that they'd be very keen on me having an elf for a Queen," he said.

Kaei snorted. "Who said anything about . . . ."

He cut her off again. "I did," he said. "Because if I have to be King, there's nothing I want more than _you_ to be my Queen. But I know it can't be."

"So, it is what I thought," Kaei sighed.

"It isn't," he said, frustrated. "I don't want to give you up, no matter what. But the only way that can happen, is if . . . ."

Kaei furrowed her brow. "If I'm willing to be your mistress, and let someone else be your wife."

"Yes," he said. His voice sounded choked. "I don't want to be unfair to you. To the Black City with whoever I have to marry. Yes, I'll have to have a child and all that, but I won't love her, no matter who she is. But . . . I don't want to lose you."

"A king _can_ do whatever he wants," Kaei replied. "At least outside of court. That's at least the way it was in Orzammar."

Alistair laughed mirthlessly. "I'm living proof a King can do whatever he wants."

"I suppose being King shouldn't be a punishment," Kaei said.

"I agree," Alistair said. "But it's _your_ choice."

"So if I can handle . . .sharing, then . . . ?" Kaei couldn't finish her sentence.

"Only have to share the _King_," he replied. "_Alistair_ is all yours, if you'll have him."

A crooked smile tugged at the corner of Kaei's mouth. "If that's true, than I can handle anything."

Alistair grinned and leaned forward. His lips brushed against hers fleetingly. He stood up, still grinning and slipped his shirt of over his head, letting it fall to the floor in a heap.

"Good," he smiled. "Now that we have that settled." He reached down and pulled off his boots one at a time. They thumped to the floor. "I think," he said, untying the laces on his trews, "I'm getting in this tub and I'm going to make love to you." His grin turned into something decidedly predatory as the cloth fell to the floor. "I think it'll make me feel better." He took a step into the tub, the water sloshing out on to the floor. He kneeled down.

"I think it'll make you feel better too," he said. And before Kaei could even think of a witty reply, he moved forward, his skin sliding smoothly across hers. More water splashed out on to the floor.

There were going to be some strange looks in the morning, when they realized Alistair wasn't in his room and the bath water was all over the floor. But at that moment, Kaei wouldn't have cared if her own mother had returned from the Beyond and was standing outside the door scowling. Propriety be damned.

Anyone that thought what passed between them was dirty or wrong or somehow _less_ because she'd never be his wife . . . they were fools. Love was what mattered and Fen'Harel could choke on the rest.


End file.
